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“It’s hurtful that you didn’t trust I could handle this, but you acted in a way that is not yours to handle. Phoebe is my daughter—mine—and right now, that’s the only way it’ll ever be.”
“We were going to talk to you about this tonight,” Topher says, and I can tell he’s doing his best to not sound like a prick.
“Oh, right, three weeks after the fact. Should I be grateful?” I demand, crossing my arms in front of my chest.
“Honestly, yes,” Ben says with a nod. He rises from the floor, almost bouncing on his feet as if it’s truly going to be this easy. “It’s hard finding things to tell you each night about our world without spilling this secret. It’s about time we can tell you the good stuff without tiptoeing around our lies.”
“Shut up,” Alex hisses, and Ben sighs, flopping down onto the sofa.
“No, Maia, you shouldn’t,” Topher says, pleading with me as he takes a small step forward. “But at the time of us finding out who Ryan was, you did not know us and could barely stomach being in the same room as us. This news was going to be something that pushed you even further away and would then leave Phoebe at risk.”
“I know that,” I say quietly. Tears prick at my eyes, and I look down at my feet. “But it hurts that you didn’t try. It hurts that it’s taken you three weeks to decide I’m trustworthy enough.” I wipe my eyes and look at Topher properly. “Where’s the trust? I’ve been trying to let you all in…”
“Not nearly enough as we’d like,” Ben says.
“I know that,” I say. “But I still have been trying.”
“I was the biggest holdout,” Topher says quietly. “Every day, we’re bonding closer, and it’s gone from just being something we kept from you to protect you and to keep you both with us… but it became a huge lie that I knew would hurt you. I didn’t want to add to your grief, Maia. I didn’t want to burden you with the truth of who Ryan was.”
I wrap my arms around myself, looking up at him with tears in my eyes. I’ve never felt so small, so fragile. “The Ryan I knew would walk women home at night from the library so they didn’t need to cross through the dark woods alone. The Ryan I knew did grocery shopping for our elderly neighbour because she had nobody close by who could.”
I look up at Topher as tears drip down my cheeks. “The Ryan I knew was gentle, and kind, and so full of positivity. He was the kind of man to put other people first, even at the detriment of himself.”
“Atonement is a rough path,” Alex says quietly.
I shrug as the sadness fades slightly. “Maybe it was atonement. Maybe he was trying desperately to get out of the shadow of his dead sister. I don’t know because he’s dead now, and I can’t ask him.” I toss my hair over my shoulder and give each man a piercing look. “But I do know that he was a child when Morgan died, and that no matter what—it was not his fault.”
There’s a stony look on Topher’s face, but it’s Ben who speaks up first. “I don’t hate him for Morgan,” Ben says with such a venomous tone that I’m shocked it came from him. That’s until I see his eyes are bright blue. “I detest my dear cousin because he put you and Phoebe at risk.”
“Everything in your world seems to put my child at risk,” I hiss before bursting into tears. Two sets of arms reach for me, but I push them away, moving backwards so that they’re not touching me.
I can’t do it.
I can’t have them comfort me when their touch burns with the weight of their hatred.
“Your world is scary. I’m a human on the outskirts with such little knowledge of everything, and any time I make progress, I’m still nowhere near able to keep myself afloat,” I say through my tears, through the hiccups and breathlessness that comes with this much despair. “And I relied on you all for information. Day after day, you have been my only truth about this fucked up world you all live in. And you destroyed the trust we were forming.”
“Baby, please,” one of them whispers, but I can’t see who through my tears.
I drop my head and wipe at my eyes, desperate to control my emotions once more. It’s hard. The box I need to shove all of this upset into just isn’t big enough to contain it all.
But I need to get my shit together.
“You told me that they’d try to take her from me, that Ryan’s family would take her if they knew about her.” I look up at Topher, and I can imagine how desperate I look, how small and broken. “How likely is this going to be now that you know who her family is?”
He crouches down in front of me and hesitantly reaches forward to place his hand on my knee. When I don’t flinch away, his touch becomes more firm, and he squeezes gently. “I think the likelihood is very high, princess. We’ve got a battle on our hands—a big one.”
I knew that was going to be the case even before he said something. You don’t leave home at the age Ryan did with no reason. Usually, losing a family member brings the remaining family closer together.
But in his case, he fled.
He never would’ve wanted his daughter to be raised by them, but… would he want them raised by his enemy, either?
Fate has thrown me into the middle of a feuding family, and I’m lost. I don’t know whether she intends for me to tie them together or sever the final threads completely.
The unknown scares me.
I furiously wipe at my eyes, hating that these tears won’t stop. I look so pathetic, crying my eyes out. I can’t lose my shit right now. Not when my daughter needs me to be strong for her.
