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“You’re going to fall in love with him again,” Willa says the following night. Kit’s here and we’re huddled in the living room, watching the latest episode of some teen romance show on Netflix.
“It takes more than one amicable conversation for me to fall in love. I haven’t forgotten what he did,” I protest. Admittedly, my body has. My mind and my heart remember so clearly the trauma of losing him to another.
What a stupid way to think about it. I didn’t lose him. Losing him implies I was negligent or inattentive. And that just wasn’t the case. Cillian wasn’t a set of keys I misplaced, and I only needed to retrace my steps to uncover his location.
I always knew where he was. He was with her, the woman he chose to spend time with. The one he let into our lives and drop little tiny bombs to disrupt and dismantle what we’d built over the years. Funny that it only took months to destroy it all.
Or, you know, not funny at all.
“All I’m saying is the way to your heart is through your daughter.”
“I know that’s right,” Kit says, laughing because she’s using Sadie’s current signature line. “But maybe, it’s not a bad thing. Is it possible he’s changed?”
“Stop with your bleeding heart, Kit,” Willa teases. “Once a cheater, always a cheater.”
“Statistically, that’s not true. Studies say less than half cheat again, and somewhere between sixty and seventy-five percent of couples stay together after a cheating incident.” Kit is a statistics major and this is her favorite game to play.
“Are those studies based on physical cheating only or do they include emotional cheating, too,” I ask out of curiosity. Cillian did both with Trina. Except, it wasn’t the physical cheating that bothered me most. It was how close their friendship grew, how much time they spent together. How often he wanted to be with her. That felt like the biggest betrayal of all, because it was personal. It wasn’t just biology.
“I’m not sure; I’d imagine just physical. But I can look it up if you want.”
“Nah, just curious.”
“Can we talk about other men now? Like, when is Zander going to fall in love with me,” Willa asks. She’s always had a little crush on him. Okay, big crush is more accurate. Zan isn’t looking for a relationship right now though. And then there is the matter of Willa not having a dick. He likes vagina, but he loves dick.
“Are you in love with him? Or do you just want that d,” Kit asks.
“Why can’t it be both?”
“It can be,” I tell her. “Just don’t pin all your hopes and dreams on him. He’s young, talented, and could end up anywhere.”
“I’d follow that man anywhere,” she singsongs. “His neck is bigger than my thigh. The things I want to do with his body, ugh!”
She’s never been with a hockey player before. I’m almost scared for how obsessed she’d be with him if he decided to give in to her advances. Willa isn’t a subject I’ve talked about with Zander, though I have noticed a few lingering glances her way. Whatever happens, or doesn’t happen, between them isn’t my business. Though, I do worry about them. Some of that worry might be projecting my own issues onto them, which isn’t at all fair. Alexander Fane isn’t Cillian Wylder, no matter how similar they might be.
“Is a big neck indicative of big other parts,” Kit asks, then erupts in giggles.
“Will you two please quit imagining my best friend’s penis? It’s awkward as hell,” I say, though I can’t help laughing along with them both.
“You can’t tell me you’ve never imagined his dick?”
My phone rings, and I hit answer before I can control my laughter enough to answer Kit or Cillian.
“She doesn’t need to imagine it. Not when she’s riding Ty’s dick every time he’s in town,” Willa says, and I shoot her a wide-eyed smirk because I’m sure Cillian heard that through my phone.
“Hello?”
“Is this a bad time,” he asks, grumpier than he’s been the past few times I’ve answered. Yep, he definitely heard Willa’s comment.
“No, but Sadie already passed out for the night.”
He spoke to her earlier when he stopped for a quick bite somewhere in Ohio.
“Oh, okay. I’ll try to call earlier in the evening tomorrow. It’s such a boring-ass drive, I was trying to get as much distance in before I called it a night.” He sounds off. Lonely maybe? He only left Boston this morning and last night he was with his former teammates. I can’t imagine loneliness set in that quick.
“What’s wrong?” Kit mouths the words ‘why do you care’ as soon as I ask Cillian the question. I stick my tongue out at her. She’s not ready to give him any grace. I don’t blame her, but I’m not her.
“I don’t… It’s not my business.”
