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Another flash strobes around us.
“So cool,” I say. Sadie nods, as excited as I am by it all.
A few minutes later, Cillian’s head pops back in. He carries a tray laden with mugs. Some hold chicken noodle soup, the others must be this medicine Sadie talks about.
“Hot water with lemon and honey. Yours may have a dash of bourbon in it, too,” he says with a wink.
“That sounds amazing right now, thank you.” I press the mug to my face first, letting the heat radiate through my war-torn sinuses as Cillian settle into the pile of pillows on Sadie’s other side.
Nothing about this is uncomfortable or awkward. Shouldn’t it be? I’ve spent so long being mad at him, then sniping at him, and he me. Yet tonight we feel like any other couple just making the best of a shit situation.
We feel like a family.
The warmth of that only grows as he encourages Sadie to eat her soup. And how he helps her blow her nose. For a man that was never around babies and toddlers, he’s aced the learning curve on it. He anticipates her needs and moods like a seasoned father. And the way he looks down at her with such concern and care is enough to melt the remaining ice around my heart.
I don’t know what the future holds for us. Or if that dream of growing old together will ever solidify into reality. But I do know that these moments are worth the risk of loving him again.
21
ISLA
“You’re back together?”
“No, it’s not like that, Zan. Not exactly anyway. We’re working on it, but not labeling it,” I answer.
“Because you are too scared to commit.”
“Why do you think it’s me who won’t commit?” I take another drink of my coffee as Sadie climbs the ladder up to the slide. The sun is shining, even if it’s a little cold today. She doesn’t mind that though, so long as she can get some energy out in the fresh air. The walk does me good too, since I won’t have a chance to work out today.
“I see how he looks at you,” he answers with a shrug. “He knows what he wants, and Cillian doesn’t seem the type to shy away because of fear.”
“But I do.”
“You have reason to. I’m not judging. Nor am I judging you giving him a second chance, so long as you’re sure and you’re doing it for you, not for Sadie.”
“It’s for me, but I’m glad she’ll benefit from it.”
“Then don’t let your fear stop you.” Zan throws his arm around my shoulder and pulls me in for a hug. “You deserve to be happy.”
Willa’s reaction to a similar conversation wasn’t quite the same. She’s been by my side through my lowest lows and while she believes in me, she’s cautious. But she, too, said she wasn’t judging me and she’s trying hard not to judge Cillian for his past indiscretions. It’s not an easy situation for any of us.
One thing I’m sure of though, waking up in Cillian’s bed with him making me breakfast downstairs felt like a dream come true. Much like him being there to take care of us when we were sick. It felt natural and right. I’m not ready to move in together or anything, Sadie doesn’t need to see her mommy and daddy waking up in the same room when we’ve made no commitments. Not verbally, anyhow. I’m more cautious with her heart than I am mine, and that’s saying something. But I’m not afraid of a future that has Cillian in it anymore.
“Have you talked to Tyson?”
“I did. Maybe he doesn’t agree with my decision, but he understands it. Still, it wasn’t the most fun conversation I’ve ever had.”
“He’s never struck me as anything but a good guy. Despite what he said to Cillian on the ice," Zan says.
“He is a good guy. I think that was just weird hockey dude posturing bullshit.”
“We’re good at that,” he admits with a laugh. “They play in Boston in a couple of weeks.” As if the date doesn’t loom over me like a dark cloud, he reminds me anyway. The back of my mind sees it as our first real test of trust. I could go, nothing is stopping me from traveling with the team. Except for my own pride and need to not be a babysitter. If I’m going to trust him, I’m going to have to prove it just as much as he’s going to have to prove he’s trustworthy. We can’t do that if we’re constantly in one another’s pocket. That’s not a healthy relationship.
“We’ll get through it,” I say confidently.
“Mommy!” Sadie comes rushing toward us.
“Daughter,” I say back.
