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“But,” I mimic. “I feel older because of life changes, I guess. I’m suddenly something of a step or co-parent. It’s a lot of responsibility.”
“It is,” Cillian agrees. “Are you getting as much out of it as you’re putting in?”
Am I? It’s not a question I’ve asked myself. Callie is a pleasure to be around, and I do honestly love helping her find her way in this new life. I’ve taken her to get art supplies, yarn, and she’s always down to stop off at a bookstore, too. All things that help keep her busy, which gives me the opportunity to get schoolwork done.
“You mean, am I letting myself be taken advantage of.”
“No, Zander would never do that. Not intentionally, anyway. But I worry that you’re going to burn out under all the responsibilities, and I want to be sure someone is there to help you back up. You tend to be the caretaker, you know?”
“Well, then it’s a good thing I have two men that love to take care of me,” I whisper, making him choke on his drink.
“Ah hell, tonight just got way more interesting.”
“How dare you,” I tease. “My birthday is always the highlight of everyone’s year.”
“It is. I apologize for implying otherwise.” He laughs.
“You’re forgiven only if you promise to never let it happen again.”
“You got it, Willa,” he says. The doorbell announces the arrival of more guests. Sadie goes running, excited to see her uncle and her new friend Callie. My niece loves people and animals. She constantly wants them around. It’s been good for Callie, too, to have another kid around in the sea of adults she’s been thrown into.
Callie has made friends at school. Three girls get spoken of often. But she’s yet to make plans with them outside of school. I think she’s shy because her background was so sheltered and limited to such a small town. With Sadie, she’s the same easygoing girl she is with Zander or me.
Mom leads the three newcomers into the living room. Isla and my father are in the kitchen working on my cake. I’m not supposed to know that, but this family is shit at keeping secrets from each other.
“Is that the other man,” Cillian leans over to whisper in my ear.
“Yes, isn’t he pretty?”
“You’re the pretty one, with that big old smile on your face. Happy looks good on you, Willa.” He stands to shake Damian’s hand as Zander introduces them. Cillian engages Damian in conversation with my mother, and Zander sits with me while Callie and Sadie play with Curly.
“Happy birthday,” he says.
“Thank you,” I say, leaning onto his shoulder. “Are you nervous?”
“About telling your parents? Not so much. I’m more scared of Isla, I think.”
“That’s fair, she’s psycho,” I say. She’s not, of course, but she has a hair trigger temper. “It’s nice you aren’t scared of my dad.”
“I didn’t say that,” he says with a wink. “Seeing how he is with Cill has helped lessen my worry, though.”
My mom laughs at something Damian says, using his charm to win her over. He’s relaxed tonight, like he so often is with me. Less and less, I see that reserved part of him that keeps a shield around himself. Mostly, I only see him at school, but he never hesitates to hold my hand or brush my hair away from my face.
Zander hasn’t spoken with Callie yet about our relationship because she’s had so much going on and he doesn’t want to overwhelm her. But I’m past ready to tell my family that I’m in love with both men. Mom already thinks of Zan as family and I want her to know Damian, too. He’s family to me now. Even if things don’t work out with the three of us, Damian is a part of me. Just like Zander.
They’re stuck with me in some capacity. Forever.
Plus, Damian deserves that tether. Callie already knows Zander and I are more than friends, just from observation. I heard her talking to a friend on the phone and she referred to me as her brother’s girlfriend. But Damian doesn’t have that, he doesn’t have anyone claiming him.
I am going to do that. I’m claiming them both as mine. Even if only privately with my parents and sister. Isla suspects that Zan is dating us both, but not that I am, too. Zander and I have both been vague about it. It’s our business, until we decide to share.
Partly, I’m trying to hold us together. The distance, the separation due to our current schedules, makes me sad. If there’s one thing I hate, it’s being sad. Especially over men. Love is supposed to be happy and comforting. Lately, it’s felt like so much work trying to keep hold of my connections.
“Happy birthday, beautiful,” Damian says to me, leaning down to place a kiss on my cheek.
“Thank you, Mr. March.” I stand, taking Zander’s hand to pull him up with me. “Cillian, can you keep the girls occupied for a few?”
“Sure thing, birthday girl,” he says with a sly smile.
