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“I don’t take orders from you,” I breathed, lips moving against his. “You should know that by now.”
“Because you’re crazy stupid.” His lips, all swollen and busted up, brushed against mine as he spoke. “You’re wasting your life on me. You know this. Everyone keeps telling you, but you won’t listen—”
“Because it’s my life to waste,” I snapped, reaching up to grab the lapels of his suit jacket. Keeping my eyes clenched shut to keep the tears at bay and trying for humor, I added, “Now, you get your sexy ass better and come home to me. Because I’m going to need you healthy, okay?”
That was the truth.
I needed him healthy.
Hell, I just needed him, period.
“Aoife.” Pain washed over his features. “I’m a bad bet.”
“Okay,” I repeated, not finding any comfort in his lack of confidence.
Oh god.
He doesn’t think that he could do it either.
“Yeah.” Nodding slowly, he stroked my nose with his. “Okay.”
“Now, give me a kiss and tell me you love me,” I instructed, cupping the back of his head. “And make it a good one.”
“You should have told me to fuck off,” he whispered, leaning in close. “All those years back when we were in first year.” His lips brushed mine once, twice. “I’ve loved you since then.” Another kiss. “From the first time I laid eyes on you, sitting on the wall with your blond hair blowing around your face.” His tongue snaked out, teasing mine. “I just didn’t know it then.”
“Joe.”
“I know I’ve done you wrong, Molloy,” he quickly continued, seeming to stumble over his words as he tried to piece reality back together in the haze of withdrawal and grief. “But you’re the only one,” he continued to tell me, voice low, pained, and urgent. “You were always the only one. My one. In the good times and the bad. I swear to Christ…” He cleared his throat and tipped his head toward the freshly dug grave beside us. “On her grave. I swear it. No matter how fucked up I ever got, I never touched another girl.” He shook his head again, blew out a pained breath, and said, “All of the crazy shit I did? Fucking around with Shane and the lads? The drugs? The fighting? All of it. It was never about me replacing you. It was about me replacing me.”
“You were sick, Joe,” I squeezed out, feeling my heart hammer violently against my rib cage, his words taking aim at my heart in a deliciously devastating new way. “I know that you never intended to hurt me with any of it.”
“But we both know that I did,” he answered gruffly. “Hurt you.”
I had no answer to that.
He had hurt me.
Worse than hurt me, I think he ruined me.
“I love you,” was the only thing I could say to justify my staying, as illogical as that sounded. It was all I had. And somehow, it had been enough to weather the storm with him. “I love you, Joe.”
“Joey,” Mrs. Kavanagh called out, causing us both to swing our gazes to where she was standing with who I knew were two rehab porters. “It’s time to go, love.”
No!
Don’t go.
Stay with me.
“Yeah, I know, I’m coming,” Joey replied, turning his attention back to me.
Don’t go! I wanted to scream, physically had to clasp a hand over my mouth to keep from blurting it out. Don’t leave me alone in this. I’m so fucking scared…
“I love you, queen. Always have and always will.” He continued to break me down by whispering, “There was only ever you for me. Stone-cold sober or off my trolly, my head knows that.” Taking my hand in his, he pressed it to his chest before adding, “My heart knows that, too.”
“Joe.”
“I’ve done you wrong in so many ways, I couldn’t even begin to list them, but I would never do ya wrong like that. I have never done you wrong like that, okay? If I’ve given you nothing else these past few years, trust that I’ve given you fidelity. I never broke that promise, Molloy. Fucking never.”
