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Johnny opened his mouth to respond, but quickly snapped it shut. With a vein ticking in his neck, he nodded stiffly and said, “I’m listening.”
Here we go…
“Apparently you’re not supposed to talk to me,” I started off by saying, keeping my tone low and hushed. “At least that’s what my mother says—that you were warned to stay away from me? Anyway, I’m sorry about that,” I hurried to say. “My mother? You being treated like that? I had no idea about any of it.”
“I think your mother’s choice of words was steer clear,” Johnny quipped, shoving his hands into his pockets. “And don’t worry about it, Shannon.” Frowning, he added, “I’m a big boy. I’m well able to take care of myself.”
“But you did anyway?” I questioned, stunning myself with how upfront I could be with this boy who, for all intents and purposes, was a stranger to me. “I mean, you didn’t steer clear?”
He nodded slowly, eyes wary and uncertain.
I blew out a breath. “Well, I wanted to let you know that she won’t be causing any trouble for you. I’ve set her straight about you.”
“That’s what you wanted to talk about?” Johnny eyed me with caution. “Your ma?”
I nodded. “That and I’ll be making it clear to Mr. Twomey that there is no issue between us.” I exhaled a heavy breath and forced out the next words. “I also wanted to apologize for the way I left things last night.”
Johnny’s shoulders stiffened for a brief moment and then I heard his heavy exhale of breath. “You were right,” he finally replied. “I overreacted and handled it badly.”
“Maybe so,” I offered, my voice little more than a whisper. “But I didn’t know what playing rugby meant to you then.”
“And now you do?” he asked, voice low, tone gruff. “Now you think you get it?”
“No, not really.” I chewed on my lip before adding, “But I understand fear, which makes it easier for me to understand why you would feel the need to play through the pain.”
The stiffness in his shoulders returned, and he was quiet for so long that I gave up on waiting for a response.
“Well, that’s all I needed to say,” I whispered. “Bye, Johnny.”
And then I turned around and walked away.
Like I promised myself, I didn’t seek Johnny Kavanagh out after that. I cleared the air and I walked away.
All day, I steered clear of the hallways I knew he traveled through between classes—the one’s I’d mapped out in the previous weeks—and I avoided the lunch hall at big break.
He sat with a huge crowd of rugby players right by the entrance so it wasn’t a matter of being able to ignore him in there.
It was unnecessary avoidance on my part because on the few occasions our paths had crossed during the day, Johnny had dutifully ignored me—no smiles, no eye contact—and I, in turn, had pretended like I didn’t care.
I shouldn’t. I knew that.
I still did, though…
Like the masochist I was, I gave in to curiosity about him and did my research during computer class that afternoon. Internet searches, not to mention word of mouth from my friends, only solidified what Joey told me.
Johnny Kavanagh was a big deal.
Throwing myself into my schoolwork, I attempted to block out all thoughts of him, but it was a hard thing to do—what with him being the topic on the tips of most people’s tongues around school.
I couldn’t seem to escape him.
When I confessed to Claire during lunch that Johnny had dropped me home, her pupils dilated so much I’d thought she was about to have a stroke.
It was a confession I instantly regretted, considering she didn’t let the matter drop. If she wasn’t asking me questions about what we talked about, none of which I divulged, she was pointing him out in the halls or doodling S.L. hearts J.K. in our homework journals.
Fortunately for me, I was gifted at diversion and denial, and after a few hours of not taking the bait, she gave up on getting any more information out of me. I was glad because I didn’t want anyone knowing how much of a mess I was on the inside. She knew I liked him and that was bad enough.
The only bright side to the whole ordeal was the fact that Ronan McGarry hadn’t so much as glanced in my direction all day. During French, instead of sitting behind me, he sat at the other side of the classroom and dutifully ignored me like I didn’t exist.
