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Because I’m not, finished.
“ Please don't ask me.” Please . She swallowed hard and sighed heavily, grabbing his face and meeting his eyes. “Noah, don't ask me that. Please. I ca–”
“Baby.”
Swallowing the thick emotions, huffing through her nose. “I love you,” she breathed on a sigh. “Don't,” Don’t make me say no again. “I thought that…”
A chill raced her spine and she shivered in his arms. Lexi pulled away, the hot water cascading down over her only heightened her uneasy state.
Lexi searched for a towel, unaware if he’d brought one when they’d come in. Anxiety and uneasyness had taken over, she found herself needing to be out of the water and away from his intoxicating scent, she couldn’t think.
“Okay, sweet pea.” His voice broke into her panicked haze. Noah bundled her in his arms, sushing her softly. Cradling her head and tucking her under his chin. “Okay, sweet pea.” He didn't have to understand, just accept this now for what it was.
Noah kissed the top of her head, reaching above them for a towel. He wrapped it around her tightly. “I shouldn’t have brought it up now, it wasn’t fair after a session.” He tipped her chin to meet his eyes and kissed her softly. “Let’s go home. We’ll shower and you can pick your aftercare movie.”
L exi’s eyes fluttered closed and she heaved a content sigh, sinking into the warmth of her dominant. “Yes, thank you, S ir.”
Seven
A half-filled mug was clenched tightly between her hands as Lexi looked out the window of Noah's apartment, ignoring the open tab on her phone. The sun hadn't come up when her thoughts pulled her out of bed.
From her vantage point, she could see the entire city below her. All around, people were walking on the streets with a purpose. It seemed as if everyone had their own plan or mission for the day, while she felt completely adrift in her own life outside of work. She wondered how many of them actually knew where they wanted to be in the big picture, and how many were just going through the motions. A feeling she knew all too well.
Turning away from the window, Lexi looked around the living room. The quiet apartment that was littered with moments and memories she'd created with Noah. Souvenirs from their trip to Europe when she'd accompanied him to a trade Expo in the pretense of using her as his canvas, before she admitted that their dating was serious. A surf-board was wedged against the wall in the corner by the TV that she'd gifted him their second Christmas together, along with lessons from a previous high profile client. The checkered chenille blanket she'd bought him laid over the couch that she knew he secretly hated because it was too hot–but he'd continued to use it because it was her favorite for movie nights with him.
Fragments of a life they'd built despite how hard she'd tried to keep him at arms length.
The conversation she'd had with Noah last night after the club stuck in her mind like barbs on a vine. The way he'd clobbered her after their their scene when she was most vulnerable was unfair in timing, but not in the bigger picture.
It picked at old wounds, and made her aware of things she hadn't thought about before.
She knew that Noah's persistence wasn't to make her feel uneasy–a feeling she didn't want when it came to him, and she wondered if she'd ever be able to step forward and love him the way he deserved.
Steps forward meant creating milestones. Milestones and moments that weren't afforded to everyone–like her parents.
Lexi looked at the photos that hung on the wall leading into Noah's small kitchen. Photos of Noah and his parents, one with his sisters at camp, and another at his graduation from buisness school. The newest was a collage of photos they'd taken at his brother's wedding.
Noah's mom tried her hardest when they'd met to include her, but it never felt the same. It felt dishonest. People, places, and parts weren't always as replaceable as shoes.
Ten years felt like minutes some days and the grief and guilt could consume her if she let it. It hurt knowing that for every milestone she created with Noah, there were many more that she couldn't share with her dad and mom.
She scrubbed her hands over her face and sighed, shaking off memories and thoughts that threatened to drown her.
Barefoot, she quietly took her cup to the kitchen, bypassing Noah's two sleeping dogs. After filling their water bowls, she made a fresh pot knowing that he'd be up soon.
Lexi noticed the photo from David's wedding. That day was beautiful in the park under the cherry blossoms. Lexi remembered she found her footing and comfort helping his older sister Tammy with the kids and last minute surprises instead of focusing on dressing up and his well meaning family wanting to know when it was their turn. Or what her parents thought about their relationship.
In the pictures, the bride and groom were surrounded by immediate family and their significant others in various poses. Noah and Lexi were placed on the bride's side because Noah's five-year-old niece Deedra was enamored with her and the stacked bangles she wore.
The photo was shot when Lexi wasn't paying attention to the photographer, she was shown laughing and giggling with the little flower girl while they talked about silly string and her mom not sharing in her amusement of missing dinglehoppers.
She looked at Noah in the photo and realized that she hadn't paid attention to it very carefully before. He wasn't wearing the same uniform smile as his new sister-in-law and her brother who stood next to him.
Lexi touched the glass over the image, her fingers traced over his face and warmth bubbled in her chest.
Noah was captured looking at her and not the camera. He was enthralled and showed no signs of noticing anything or anyone else around him.
The love and care he'd always shown her healed wounds she never told him were there. He knew, somehow, some way he always knew.
