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The sun is shining bright, but my breath still comes out in white clouds with each exhale as we head toward the edge of the woods. Jessie clutches the map in her mittened hands, her eyebrows furrowed as she studies all the lines.
“Are you sure you don’t want me to take that this time?” I ask, amusement in my voice as Jessie starts to lead the way into the forest. Pine trees scent the air and somewhere in the distance there’s a fire burning.
Jessie scowls at me, determination in her eyes. “No. But will you teach me to read this better? I want to get good at this. I don’t want to just coast by on your coattails. That’ll never get me the fellowship.”
I fall into step beside her, gesturing at one of the lines that heads up the mountain. “This one here is a marked path. It’s likely used by the rangers whenever they have to enter the woods and head up the mountain. We want to avoid that trail for right now. What you need to learn is the rest of the forest. Most people getting lost or needing help aren’t people who know where this trail is.”
She nods. “Then do we want to head over this way? We could loop around this pond and come back.”
“Are you sure you want to go near the pond?”
My heart pounds against my chest, wondering how she’s going to react. We haven’t spoken about her dad or his death since she told me how he died. I don’t want to go anywhere near that pond if it’s going to hurt her.
Though I know she will have to face the pond eventually, I want to do everything I can to protect her.
She looks up at the pine trees standing tall in front of us before folding the map and stuffing it into her back pocket. She hefts the backpack a little higher on her shoulders and takes the first step through the trees.
Please don’t let this be a bad idea.
I take a deep breath, the cold air burning my lungs as my boots crunch against the thin layer of snow on the ground. If Jessie is determined to do this and go near the pond, then I’m going to make sure that I’m with her every step of the way.
“So,” Jessie says as she climbs over a fallen log, “are you ready to tell me what was going through your head when I told you that Mark was talking about you? Or do we want to ignore the elephant in the room and keep pretending everything is fine?”
I tuck my hands into my pockets, heat radiating through my thick gloves. Though I don’t want to voice my insecurities—especially not here when it’s just the two of us and everything feels more vulnerable—I want her to know. If we’re going to give this thing between us a real shot, we need to be able to talk to each other.
“I watched you at the training today and you’re so passionate about being a doctor and helping people. Even though you already know everything Patrick was teaching and more, you were sitting there and paying attention like it was the first time you heard any of that information.”
Jessie’s cheeks turn a bright shade of pink, but I don’t know whether it’s from the cold or my admission. She’s silent for a couple minutes as we hike deeper into the forest and up the side of the mountain.
“I want to make sure my patients and their families feel like I’m giving my all to help them. I guess that’s why I paid that much attention to the training.”
I nod and take a large step over a patch of ice. “I know, and it unnerves me. I see you like that, and then I wonder if everyone can see how much I care. I don’t think they do. I’m sure people take one look at me and think that I got into medicine for the money instead of the people I want to help.”
“There’s nothing wrong with getting into it for the money.” Jessie ducks under a low branch. “But that’s not why you’re a doctor. Anyone with eyes can see it when they look at you.”
I scoff. “I doubt that.”
“Brookes, you nearly failed your residency program because you were busy working with a rural ambulance service. People who don’t have a passion for helping people don’t do that kind of work.”
My chest constricts as I look at her. She smiles softly at me as she stops and turns to face me. I look down at her, trying to wrap my head around what she’s saying. The woman who could barely tolerate me when I walked into the hospital thinks I’m passionate about my work.
She is the one person whose opinion matters to me the most. Hell, her opinion is the only one that matters.
“How do you know about that?” I ask, trying to remember when I told her that. I don’t think I did. It’s not something I go around sharing. If I told anyone, they would twist my words.
I would once again be seen as only doing the hard work for the praise it would get me instead of why I actually do it.
“Mark told me when I talked to him. When we were speaking about you, he said that you’ve changed a lot as a person. When he talked to me later in the day—the second time—he told me about the rural ambulance work.”
“Yeah. He’s the only person who knows that. My dad just thinks I was incompetent, and wasting time and money. He thought there were more valuable things I could be doing with my time.”
“I doubt that.” Jessie stands close enough to touch as she whips out that impish grin again. “Your dad sounds like an uneducated jackass who doesn’t deserve a son like you. Offense intended.”
In that moment, I know this is going to work between us. Whatever this is. It feels different than any other relationship I’ve ever had.
The warm feeling that I get in my chest when I’m around her consumes me. I grab the strap of her backpack and pull her in. Her body presses against mine, though it isn’t nearly close enough. The thick layers of winter clothes separate us as I set a timer on my watch.
“What are you doing?” Jessie asks as she glances at my watch.
