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“Yeah, well, as much as I know she could rip him down a peg or two, it’s not her responsibility. He’s my father and it’s on me to deal with him.”
“And it doesn’t seem like he’s ever going to allow you to deal with him. You know he’s going to continue putting more and more pressure on you.” Mark walks with me down the hall, toward the nurses’ station.
I’m hoping one of them knows where Jessie is. If not, I’m going to go to her apartment and sit on the front steps until she gets home. I’m not going to let the day end without talking about this with her and telling her properly how much she means to me.
“I don’t know what to do about him.” I sigh and run a hand through my hair, looking down two different hallways, trying to catch a glimpse of Jessie. “I have to fix this with her though.”
Mark nods and leans against the nurses’ station. “For what it’s worth, Jessie isn’t going to give up that easily. She might be spooked by your dad right now, but everything is going to work out in the end.”
“I hope so.”
19
JESSIE
Idon’t know if my eyes have ever felt this tired before. They feel swollen and dry. The itchiness is driving me insane, but that can be fixed when I get home. I’m going to sink into my plush bed and try to forget about the way Jordan asked for his mom right before he died.
I flex my hand against the steering wheel, the imprint of how tightly he held it still on my skin. We tried to keep him as comfortable as possible while he passed, but that doesn’t make it any easier to process.
At least he didn’t have to die alone. Even if I’m going to have nightmares about this tonight, he didn’t have to die alone.
As I park the car in the lot, I consider never going back to the hospital. Though the thought is tempting, being a doctor is my dream. It’s my calling. I’ve known since my dad died that I was going to be a doctor.
I just foolishly didn’t think that these days would be so hard. I thought I would be able to compartmentalize everything. To turn off my emotions until I was ready to deal with them.
With a sigh, I grab my bag from the passenger seat and get out. My boots crunch through the thin layer of snow on the ground. More flakes are falling, fluffy and white. I tilt my head back, looking at the way the moon illuminates the falling snow.
The icy air is a shock to my system, stalling more of the tears that threaten to flow. I take a deep breath and hoist my bag onto my shoulder. The tips of my fingers are numb as I stuff them deep into the pockets of my puffer jacket and head for the front of the building.
“I was wondering when you were going to get home,” Brookes says, sitting on my front step in a black peacoat with a beanie pulled down over his ears. He tucks his chin into the thick burgundy scarf tied around his neck.
“Why are you out here waiting for me?” I stop a few feet from him, my heart pounding in my chest.
What happened this afternoon with his father is something I never want a repeat of. If it weren’t for Joshua, the humiliation would have been worse.
Now that I’ve had time to think about it, I don’t know how I’m going to walk back into the hospital in the morning.
I just have to keep my head held high and not let them get to me.
“Because I thought we should talk about what happened today.” Brookes stands up, shifting his weight from side to side as he looks at me. “I looked for you at the hospital, but I couldn’t find you.”
I clear my throat and bite back tears that start welling. “I had other things I needed to do after work. I don’t think it’s best to talk right now either. It’s been a long day and all I want is a hot bath and to go to sleep.”
“Jessie, you look like you’ve been crying. If it has to do with my dad, then I want to clear the air as soon as possible. I don’t want this to become something that festers between us.”
I sigh and pull my keys out of my pocket as I climb the steps to the building. “Brookes, I really don’t think it’s a good idea to talk about this. I think we should just take some time to think about things.”
“If that’s the way you feel, then we really need to talk. Please, Jessie, just let me in and we can talk.”
Even though talking is the last thing I want, I know he’ll sit out here all night in the cold. I don’t want to be the reason for his frostbite.
We head to my apartment together, the silence stretching between us. I have no idea what to say to him right now. It feels like all the energy has been drained from my body.
I should have told him to go home, and we could talk about this tomorrow. I should have taken time to get my thoughts together. I should have figured out what I want to say to him.
My chest constricts as I open my front door. I wriggle my way out of my jacket and kick off my boots. Brookes takes off his jacket, stepping out of his boots before going into the living room.
I head into the kitchen and pull out a stemless wine glass. Brookes says nothing as I pour myself a glass of white wine. I lean against the counter, sipping the wine, waiting for the tension to break.
