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‘Rebranded?’ Vivienne asked.
Estelle tensed. Not only was her mother a model, her fashion-designer sister didn’t look kindly on cheap rip-offs of her products, either.
‘Yeah, they’re not copies or anything,’ Kevin replied. ‘We take the concept and improve on it. Like what they do on the high street, but better.’
‘Kev came up with this amazing idea,’ Bev chipped in. ‘He just adds a letter or changes it.’
‘So, Chanel becomes Channel,’ Kev continued. ‘Burberry is Blurberry, Hugo Boss turns into Hugo Bass, Estee Lauder is Estelle Lauder—’ He broke off and turned to Estelle. ‘Like you, babe. And I changed Calvin Klein to Kevin Klein after me.’
‘Ha!’ Arthur said. ‘Ingenious!’
No-one else around the table was talking. Everyone was riveted to the conversation between Arthur and Kevin. James’s head was bowed as he stared at his plate.
‘The latest thing is pheromones,’ Kev said. ‘Powerful stuff.’
‘Ooh!’ Arthur rose from his chair. ‘I tried to make my own from fox glands. Sprayed them all over the manor before one of our sex parties. Thought it might help get people in the mood, but they stank the bally place out.’
‘Nah, mate,’ Kev said. ‘Wrong animal. We use hamsters. They’re at it even more than rabbits and rats. We’ve added pheromones to our entire range. It’ll make anyone fancy you.’
Oh, my god. Was this what James was wearing to make him smell so good?
Kevin took a small purple glass bottle from his jacket, which hung over the back of his chair, and passed it left to Vivienne.
‘It’s our version of Dior’s Poison. It’s now called Door’s Eau de Poisson. With two “s’s”.’
‘Eau de Poisson?’ Vivienne repeated, with the correct pronunciation.
Estelle froze. Did Kevin know he’d called his perfume ‘fish water’?
‘Yeah,’ Kev replied. ‘Jamesey-boy told me not to, but I’d already put the order for the bottles in. And anyway, who cares what it’s called if it gets you laid?’
Vivienne took the stopper out of the bottle and waved her hand across the top. ‘My goodness. That is powerful.’
Kevin grinned. ‘Keep it.’
Vivienne passed it to Arthur, who dabbed it on his neck.
‘What a complex bouquet!’ he said. ‘You’re working with a very clever perfumier.’
‘Well,’ Kevin began, leaning forward as if about to impart a great secret, ‘you’ll never guess—’
‘Dad!’ James spat.
‘Awright, awright,’ Kev said. ‘Keep your wig on.’ He turned back to Arthur. ‘Anyway, I made some good investments—’
James reached for his water glass and downed the contents.
‘—and decided to move into the entertainment biz, buying Excelsior.’
Arthur chuckled. ‘I love the new name. Big Dick Energy Entertainment. Priceless!’
‘It was Jamesy-boy’s idea.’
‘No, Dad, it was not,’ James said through his clenched jaw.
‘But I first heard it from you—’
‘As a phrase I’d heard around the office.’
