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I slid into my car and shut the door behind me. For a long time, I sat in a daze.
What in the name of all hell had happened? I went into his apartment with every intention of being professional. We would talk, make plans, maybe have some food.
I in no way planned to act on the feelings I had for him. He made it clear, in a hundred different ways, that he wouldn't be tied down to anyone, ever. I knew that.
I offered him a way out if sleeping together made him want to avoid me. He wouldn't be the first guy who felt that way. Love 'em and leave 'em, and all that crap.
I was surprised when he didn't take it. But then, he made it all too clear that last night meant nothing to him. Nothing at all. I was just another woman he spent the night with, that was it. He said it himself, he'd forget all about it.
I slammed the heel of my hand into the steering wheel.
I'd made some stupid decisions in my life, like not checking Bam was available for that gala in the first place. Sleeping with him was just about the stupidest thing I had ever done.
And one of the most amazing.
I lifted a piece of his shirt to my nose and inhaled the scent of him embedded in the weave.
After last night, I deserved to get my heart stomped all over, but I'd hold myself together until after the party. Then I would stay away from Bam and give myself time to get over him.
Some day, I might even let someone else in.
Maybe.
For now, I'd nurse my fragile stupid heart and enjoy the time we had left before it had to end.
I shook my head at myself. No one could say I didn't have my eyes wide open. I saw the trap and stepped into it anyway.
Regrets, oh yeah I had those. Most of them centred around how difficult the next couple of weeks would now be. For the sake of the kids, I'd have to put my heart aside and get on with it.
The kids and my career. If Bam was right, I'd be back on track after this. Professionally, not emotionally. That would take longer.
I pulled a jumper on over the shirt and started the engine.
Before I drove away, I shot off a text to Bec. She quickly responded that she'd meet me in thirty minutes and sent an address. A cafe near the lake. Good, I wasn't ready to face any of Bam's friends right now.
I pulled away from the curb and followed the directions from my phone's GPS.
The cafe was barely five minutes away. I got there in time to grab a seat inside with a view of the lake.
I ordered a coffee and a muffin. It was never too early for more coffee, and I hadn't touched much of Bam's breakfast. Chocolate and more chocolate was just what I needed right now.
That and a do-over of the last month.
"Hey." Bec slid her bag off her shoulder and slipped into the chair opposite me. "Are you okay? You sounded stressed out."
"You could say that," I agreed. I grabbed a napkin and wiped chocolate off my face. "I did something."
"That sounds ominous. Should I get my notepad, or voice recorder?" She smiled, but she wouldn't share anything I told her unless she was allowed to.
In this case, everything I said would stay between us until the end of time.
And then some. If anyone else heard about Bam and I, they wouldn't hear it from Bec or me. I hoped they wouldn't hear it from Bam either, but I couldn't stop him from sharing if he wanted to. All I could do was hope he didn't.
In as few words as possible, I told Bec about spending the night with Bam.
Her eyes widened and her mouth formed an O.
"He actually said he'd forget all about it?" She shook her head. "I knew he was a player, but that is cold."
