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Caught off guard, Holden felt himself redden. Rather than answering the question, he said, “Show me.”
Tyler stared at him. Then he put his bottle down on the small table beside the couch. With both hands, he slid his pant leg up, over his shin and knee to reveal the stump. Steeling himself to keep his face blank, Holden trained his eyes on it.
What remained of Tyler’s lower leg was thin and wasted. Holden could bet his other calf was meaty with muscle. The stump was well healed at the edges, the skin smooth and pink, no evidence of the grievous wound caused by a saw when the foot and ankle had been removed. Nor was the skin red with pressure from the prosthesis the way he had seen it three days ago. It looked altogether better. And how did he feel about it? He didn’t know, apart from it wasn’t as shocking as it had been the first time he had set eyes on it.
Holden lifted his gaze. Tyler had been looking at the stump too. Maybe he was trying to see his leg through Holden’s eyes. He looked up at Holden.
“In answer to your question,” Holden said. “No, it doesn’t repulse me. There’s a part of you gone, that’s all. It doesn’t change who you are as a person. It’s only a body part.”
Tyler regarded him. Holden drank some beer. He’d meant it. They watched each other. “People stare at me,” Tyler said.
“They will,” Holden said. “They’re ignorant. People’ll stare at anybody different.”
“Yeah,” Tyler replied. “Finn has a scar on his arm. Quite a significant burn. I found myself looking the other day when I first met him, and I didn’t mean to. I should have known better when I know what it’s like.”
“You have to remember most people are just curious, the way you were. Just because they look, doesn’t mean they’re judging you or they’re repulsed.”
“Rather that they feel sorry for me?” Tyler said with a raised eyebrow.
“It’s human nature to feel sorry for someone who’s hurt. That doesn’t mean that they’re viewing you as a pitiable figure. More like they’re feeling empathy.”
“It sounds like you’re giving mankind far more credit than they deserve.” Tyler’s tone was dry. “Most people are assholes.” Holden didn’t respond, so Tyler went on. “And after what happened to you, I thought you’d agree with me there.”
Holden was surprised at the nerve Tyler hit. Focusing on Tyler’s problems had almost made him forget his own hurt. He lowered his gaze and chose his words. “Well, it was one man who did what he did.” He dried up. He wanted to say more and couldn’t. Instead, he said, “What happened to Finn?”
Tyler hesitated. Then he said, “An abusive relationship.”
Holden frowned. “Jesus. The burn?”
“Yeah.”
“Fuck.”
“You should know,” Tyler said, “before somebody tells you.”
“What?” Holden was sure he was not going to like this.
“The sheriff, Brandon, he shot and killed Finn’s ex, Dominic. Here.”
Holden stared at him. He found himself looking around as though he might see blood stains on the floor and splattered on the walls. “That’s just fucking great,” he said softly.
“Sorry,” Tyler said.
Holden took a long pull of his beer. “Do you know whereabouts? In my fucking bedroom?”
Tyler shook his head. He looked guilty. “I don’t know. And I probably wouldn’t tell you if I knew. I shouldn’t have said anything. I’m sorry.”
“Stop saying you’re sorry.” Holden huffed and sat back, crossing his ankle over his opposite knee. “Well, we’re doing well. We’ve covered being gay in the military, your parents, your leg, domestic abuse, and the homicide perpetrated in my house.”
Tyler gave an uncomfortable laugh. “I guess it must be your turn.”
Holden shook his head. “Not yet. We haven’t covered how you lost your leg.”
Tyler took a drink of beer. He stared at the bottle, running his fingertip over the label. “I can’t at the moment.”
“That’s okay,” Holden said. He watched Tyler. “Do you get phantom limb pain?”
Tyler sighed. “Do I get phantom limb pain? At the moment it feels like someone’s driving nails into the sole of my non-existent foot.” He looked down at his stump and flexed his knee straight. “I can feel my toes wiggling and they’re not even attached to me anymore.”
