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I watched the small gathering offer flowers and dirt as Leon’s coffin was descending into the hole in the ground.
My heart twisted with a sharp pain.
Oh, Leon.
What could have been.
All you gave to me and I wanted to give it all back. I wanted more for you. I wanted to do more for you.
We didn’t agree. We didn’t see eye to eye.
I was young. I was eighteen. I thought I owned the world and that the world owed me. And for you? You were scared. You didn’t want to lose me. You were too stubborn to admit that I kept you on your toes. That I kept you alive a lot longer than you thought you’d be. Hate me for saying this, Leon, but I gave you a purpose.
And you know I would have been - and I still am - great for your granddaughter. That rule you made up…? What was that? Were you afraid I’d get stuck in this town? Why were you so afraid of Sage and me? Were you secretly dreading the idea of her loving a pro hockey player? Wherever you are right now, Leon, there’s no way you can think for a second that this ‘my love’ guy is right for Sage. Right?
Ah, either way, you deserved more. You could have come with me, Leon. Imagine your life. You could have been a coach. You could have been in broadcasting. This rough and tough old-school hockey guy. You would have had the censors dreading hearing you. We could have had bets on how many times you’d get ‘bleeped’ during a segment.
There should be thousands of people here right now mourning you.
And more across the social media world.
My thoughts raged as I slowly began to walk forward.
Everyone looked at me.
Maybe I looked a little menacing to them.
My height and size and my miserable demeanor all at once…
It was hard mourning the man who loved you like a father but also kind of abandoned you. At the same time, fighting off all those old feelings for that man’s granddaughter while she’s being pursued by some other man.
I scooped a handful of dirt and looked down at the casket.
I opened my hand and watched the dirt fall…
“Hey,” a voice said from behind me.
I turned and wiped my hands together as Sage looked up at me.
Her eyes glossy.
My first thought was to ask where the my love guy was.
“Hey,” was all I responded with.
“You okay?”
“Are you, Sage?”
“No,” she said. “This is awful. I’m thankful this is all he wanted. I couldn’t imagine having to go through viewings and all that other stuff. He wanted a quick thing like this.”
“We always have the memories, Sage. Always.”
“I guess we do.”
She looked around.
She was nervous.
