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Jumping up and hitting the table. Over and over again.
My hands had grabbed the side of the table.
Henry had my legs over his shoulders while his tongue acted like some kind of sexual surgical instrument, slicing me up for pleasure and nothing more.
I shivered, sighed, and felt warm chills dancing between my legs.
I stood up and walked to the kitchen.
It wasn’t guilt that hit me.
Just a feeling that I had to clean everything up.
I needed to make this all go away. No evidence left behind.
This urge to chase away Henry and everything that had happened.
I wiped down the dining room table first.
I mean, come on, either way I needed to clean the table, right? That’s where I eat meals. That’s where my son does his homework!
That’s when the guilt did hit me.
I felt terrible.
Sending my son to a friend’s house for a sleepover. On the night of his great-grandfather’s funeral.
I pictured Travis cuddled up, silently crying, not being here with me. Not being home.
All the while I was getting drunk fucked by a hockey player.
What kind of mother am I?
Tears rushed to my eyes.
I quickly called Alex to check on my son.
“What are you doing awake so early?” Alex asked.
“Travis. Is he okay?”
“Travis? He’s fine. Hey, what’s wrong? You sound like you’re crying. Are you crying? Are you alone?”
“What kind of mother am I, Alex? Did I really get drunk and pawn my son off on you?”
“Oh, Sage. No. Sweetie, no. That’s not what you did. Are you beating yourself up right now over this?”
“What do you think?”
“Sage, do you want to know what the boys did last night?”
“Yes. Please.”
“They found every flashlight they possibly could. They went out back and set the flashlights up to light up the yard the best they could. And then they ran plays. Football plays. For hours, Sage. Hours. I think it was finally close to midnight that I made them come inside. They were filthy. And hungry. I ordered food and thankfully someone delivered it to us too. I tipped the guy that showed up forty dollars. He was a college guy. Delicious looking.” Alex laughed. “The boys showered, ate, and then crashed. Hard. They’re both still sleeping right now.”
“And you’re sure Travis is okay?”
“Positive, Sage. He’s nine.”
