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I was at a crossroads, torn between self-preservation and losing myself completely.
CHAPTER 31
Dawson
The first day on the job at the firehouse, I was terrified. The training I’d endured, all the stories I’d been told, none of it would hold a candle to the first time I’d run into a burning building, nothing could truly prepare me. It was a baptism in fire, so to speak.
However, like most of those big moments in my life, I faced the fire with courage, and I refused to let my fear control me. I needed to learn how to use it to my advantage, and I had.
But that was nothing compared to the ledge I found myself on, tethered to Nolan’s hand like he was a life raft, and I was in water over my head.
“Please, don’t go. I... I need you.” I said the words slowly, tasting them on my tongue for the first time.
I hated that I sounded so fucking desperate.
So weak.
But it was the goddamn truth, and the levity of that truth hit me like a ton of bricks as I grasped Nolan’s hand. He turned to face me, and I expected to see pity, or judgment even. But that wasn’t what I saw at all.
In fact, the glaze in Nolan’s eyes looked as pained as I felt, and as if he was going to cry.
Please don’t cry, champ.
“I don’t want to leave, I...” His voice shook, but he took a step closer. “Why is this so fucking complicated?” he said, his voice cracking like the edges of my heart.
I took a step closer to him, feeling as if the earth beneath me was moving, shifting us toward one another like tectonic plates.
“Things don’t have to be complicated, you know,” I said, rubbing my thumb over the edge of his knuckles.
Nolan let out a sigh.
“They just have to be honest.”
Nolan squeezed my hand tightly. The silence between us felt like an eternity until he’d spoken.
“In all honesty... I think I’m falling in love with you,” he said softly, his voice barely a whisper.
My entire body softened at his words, a strange sense of relief flooding me.
I moved closer, catching his gaze. He looked as terrified as I felt, and something about that made me feel emboldened, ready to take on a new kind of fire.
The one that was spreading between us.
And I didn’t want to put it out. I wanted it to consume me, consume us.
“In all honesty, Nolan... I think I fell in love with you when you beat me at that fucking race,” I said as he closed the space between us.
I reached out to push his hair behind his ear, a motion that made his frames a bit crooked, but I couldn’t deny it wasn’t sexy.
Nolan stared up at me with glassy eyes, pouty lips, and love.
And that was all I needed.
I leaned in and kissed him, letting the fire within my blood spread. Nolan’s hands slid over my hips as his fingers dug into my sides, his lips moving slowly against mine in a torturous fashion that only made me want more.
I wanted all of Nolan fucking Harding, and I didn’t care how complicated things were, or that we worked together, or that he knew how to get under my skin.
I only cared about the fact that the thought of not having him made me feel like I had the day I faced my first fire.
