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“I find it hard to take a back seat where you’re concerned. But that’s my deal. I want to respect your boundaries, Lydia.”
A shot of laughter filled the room. Was Halle serious? “Halle, you are the most respectful person I have ever met! Like ever!”
“Clearly not.”
Lydia was flummoxed. She’d never heard Halle be self-deprecating, and she didn’t like it. “No, you are.” Taking Halle’s face in her hands, Lydia did her best to convey just how serious she was. “Do you know what I’ve been thinking today?”
“No.”
This was it. The turning point. Instead of letting things fester, Lydia was going to open up. Halle deserved that, because she was the most respectful, reliable, and supportive person Lydia had the privilege of knowing. And she was damned if she’d let Halle spend a second longer thinking about anything else.
“After you left, my mind went completely wonky. I honestly thought that was you being done with me.” Lydia held Halle’s face tighter, stopping the woman from rearing back in surprise and hurt. “Let me finish.” Lydia waited for Halle’s compliance. “I’ve been so used to people getting what they want and then leaving when things get real. You know that because you’ve been there for it.”
“I didn’t ask you out again because I didn’t want to pressure you. I’d nev—”
“I know. But sometimes insecurities take over. I’ve come to learn, I’m not the most stable of people,” Lydia laughed. “Sure, a lot of that was because I was feeling crazy with my manky hormones, but I know it’s more than that. I have body dysmorphia. I have abandonment issues, and probably a host of other shit. And I learned to cope with it alone. For right or wrong. I’m just a bit broken in places.”
Dropping her hands, Lydia gripped the front of Halle’s shirt. “You, Ms. Cartwright, have shown up for me time and again, even when I didn’t realise it. Over the years, you’ve been my steady person, even from afar. You were the person that saved me from months of agony by being my pillar of strength in that doctor’s office. You have made me feel wanted and sexy, which is an almost impossible feat. And you did it so easily.
I pushed you away after Fe caught us because I thought inevitably you would leave anyway. But the more I see you, the more I come to understand you and the way you treat me, I know I have been so, so wrong. I want you to hijack my life Halle. I want to conquer my demons and not let them get the best of me, but it won’t be easy. I want you to know what you’re signing up for.”
“I know exactly what I’m getting into.”
“Then I want to give this, us, a real shot.”
“Do you really not find yourself sexy?”
“No.”
Shaking her head in disbelief, Halle kissed Lydia’s head tenderly. “Can I speak now?”
“Sure.”
“None of the people you dated were worthy of you, Lydia. I know you’ll scoff and try to laugh off my comment as something ridiculous, but it’s true. You are beautiful, inside and out, and I’ve wanted to be by your side since we were teens. I remember the first time my stomach got butterflies around you. Fe was being her usual self, giving you shit for hanging around. I looked over at you and I swear to the spirits, I was hit with lightning. You were wearing a summer dress; your hair was down in long brown ringlets. My heart thudded so loud I was scared you could hear it. In that second, I knew you were the girl for me. Unfortunately, Fe disagreed and stupidly I went along with it.
“That’s one of my biggest regrets, Lydia, not telling you sooner. We could have been together for years, and I would have been able to support you the way you deserved when your health problems began. For that, I’m sorry. I was a coward, too scared to change the status quo.”
“No, Halle—”
“It’s my turn.” Halle playfully squeezed Lydia’s waist. “I was a coward. Fe was like a sister to me. We’d gone through everything together and I chose to keep her happy over myself and you.”
“I could have said something, too.”
“No, you’d have never put yourself out there like that. Looking back, I could already see you had insecurities. Which mystified me then and now. You are smart, funny, humble, and loving. That is what I find the most attractive about you, Lydia. Plus, I’m not blind. You are breath-taking to me. You always have been.”
“Halle, Jesus,” Lydia hiccupped.
“After the last jackass dumped you, something in me broke. That resolve I’d built to stay away crumbled. I wanted to be the one comforting you. Cooking for you. Loving you, and nothing Fe said anymore could change it. I want to be the one who fights your demons with you. I want to show you how bloody sexy you are, even in baked bean-stained pyjamas.
“I need you to remember all this when those voices make you feel you’re anything but perfect to me. I’m not going anywhere, Lydia. It’s taken me twenty-odd years to get here!”
Chapter 24
Lydia shuddered as the last vestiges of her orgasm dissipated. The moussaka would definitely be cold by now. “That one was strong.”
“That was fantastic. This little thing is efficient.”
“Oh yes, it is. But I think you should find out for yourself.”
