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Sighing heavily, I made my way back to the bedroom and let myself fall onto the mattress. I desperately needed to focus on something else, but everything in this damn place was his, and everywhere I looked, I thought of him.
My training session was only booked for the afternoon today, and unfortunately, that was the only moment of the day I got to focus on something other than my husband and our strained relationship.
I was alone in New York.
My family, my friends, my whole life stayed in Detroit, and in these moments, I felt their distance even more. I missed them so much. But today, I missed them even more.
I decided to shoot Tommy a text. I knew he wouldn’t see it right away. He had limited access to his personal phone during missions, but I knew a reply would come as soon as possible.
“I miss you so much. I can’t wait for you to come back. Love you.”
It has been over six months since the last time I saw him. I missed him so damn much it hurt. I couldn’t wait to see him again. Hug him again. Tell him how much I love him. Tell him how much I hated the fact that he couldn’t be at my wedding. A piece of my heart was attached to that text, leaving me a little bit more broken.
And even so, my mind wandered back to the wedding. To replaying pieces of it, finding that I’d hardly change anything about it. Even the groom.
Matt ruled in my thoughts, there was no use in denying it. He’d mixed up all the once perfectly arranged circuits. All the feelings that I’d managed to stuff into a tight box and throw away.
I couldn’t help but think that something had changed during the time he was away. He had changed. And I wasn’t liking the difference.
I knew I was giving him a hard time, but I was sure I hadn’t pushed him hard enough for him to back away like this. There was more to it.
I found him with another woman. He couldn’t just expect me to be okay and run into his arms as if nothing ever happened, right?
Even if I didn’t care about who he fucked, I deserved his loyalty. He trapped me into this marriage, he owed me as much. It wasn’t that hard to understand my revolt.
“Mrs. Battaglia,” Max called from the other side of the door. “I brought up the post and the newspaper.”
“I’ll be there in a minute.” I took a sharp inhale, trying to settle my thoughts before walking out.
“Oh, and by the way, Mr. Battaglia asked me to inform you that training would be held in the complex today.”
“In the complex?”
“Yes, there’s a gym and an indoor pool on the ground floor. The afternoon is booked entirely for you.” I had no idea there was a gym and a pool in the building. Someone could have told me already. Maybe my days could have been a little less monotonous.
“Why am I only finding out there’s a pool now? I could have made very good use…” I trailed off as my breath got caught in my chest, my heart rate skyrocketing as I saw the small white envelope. My name was handwritten on the back in the same sloppy way as the other one.
“What is it? What’s wrong?” Max asked, noticing my sudden shock, walking towards me and seeing the unopened note in my clammy hands. “I have to inform Mr. Battaglia right away.”
“NO! Not yet. Let me tell him later.” There was annoyance in the way Max looked at me as if I was asking him to let me run away. The degree of loyalty these men had to their boss was unheard of. “It will be fine. I won’t tell him you knew. Let me be the one to tell him, please.”
Max sighed heavily, nodding his head in uncertain compliance.
“I’ll order Chinese for lunch today…” I bargained, finally earning a smile from him. I’d watched him, and by now, it was safe to say it was his favorite. “I’ll tell him today, I promise.”
I set the note on my bedside table, unopened. Why the Yakuza was after me was a mystery. There was no one I knew that I suspected to have ties to the organization, never mind someone who would want to kidnap me.
Uneasiness crawled up my body, settling in every muscle and every thought.
After a poor excuse of a lunch, I couldn’t take it anymore. I was so stuck in my own head that it hurt already. Even watching Max inhale his chop suey wasn’t as amusing as it normally was.
I decided to start training earlier. Maybe an extra hour would help to tire me more. I changed into a pair of short shorts, a fitness bra, and a loose tank top over that, tying my long hair in a single braid before heading down to the gym with Max leading the way.
I was amazed once I stepped inside the gym. It was fully equipped with machines, benches, and weights, wooden flooring, and mirrors covering every wall. There was an open spot with a large mat on the floor for various other types of training and a state of the art stereo system with enormous speakers. Both would definitely come in handy for today.
I turned the music on, letting my mind get lost in the beat as I worked my body over my limit.
Maybe the dreams wouldn’t come if I was tired enough. They were torture, and I desperately wanted them to stop.
