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11
Jack
Present Day
“I hate you, Alyssa Ford.”
I was wide awake in bed, staring at the ceiling. Smoke was curled up at the foot of the bed, resting his long snout on my ankle. I had turned out the lights two hours ago, but sleep eluded me. I kept waiting for the sound of Liam’s car pulling up my driveway to drop Alyssa off. They should have been home by now.
It shouldn’t have bothered me. I had no reason to be annoyed.
And yet…
It was my own damn fault. Liam had given me an out. He’d admitted that he only asked her out to force me to confront my feelings, and I’d stubbornly pretended like everything was okay. I had made my bed, and now I was lying in it—literally.
I didn’t want to confront my own feelings about her. But the longer I sat up in bed, the more I began to analyze the way I felt—that I’d been feeling for all these years. Alyssa had always been an enigma to me, but I knew there was something there. A spark. I had always claimed that I hated her, but that wasn’t really true. And even if it were true, hate and love were shockingly similar emotions. They were adjacent, like two different cars parked next to each other at a coffee shop.
My mind raced. How long was she in town? Why had she come home in the first place? Was she actually interested in Liam? Had I made a mistake with Jen yesterday?
Why couldn’t I stop thinking about this girl from my past?
Eventually, the conclusion I came to was that Alyssa had only agreed to the date with Liam to get under my skin. And it was working. She wasn’t actually interested in him in any meaningful way. Maybe they were even working together to try to teach me a lesson. I imagined him picking her up for their “date,” dropping her off at the movies, and then going home.
I fell asleep telling myself that story.
When my alarm went off, Smoke moved from his spot down by my feet up the bed until he was resting half his body on my chest. “Yeah, yeah. I’m getting up.”
He lolled his tongue happily.
I changed into my swim trunks, grabbed my goggles and a towel, and headed across the street to the water. Exercise woke me up better than coffee ever could, I had learned. The narrow channel between Clearwater and St. Pete Beach was devoid of boats this early, allowing me a peaceful hour swimming south and then back north to my starting point. The current was working against me for the second half, so I was panting as I climbed out of the water. I savored the tightness in my chest, exhilarating in the way it made me feel alive. My mood was much improved from last night, so much so that I wondered why I had let Alyssa bother me at all.
Until I crossed the street and saw Liam’s car in my driveway.
It was down at the end, next to my guest house in the backyard. I darted through the front door before they could see me, then peered through my kitchen window like a creeper.
Alyssa and Liam were standing next to his car, talking quietly. She was smiling a lot, and touching her hair. What was he doing here this early? Were they going to get breakfast?
She’s wearing the same dress from last night, I realized.
I felt my chest go cold and turned away from the window. It had to be a trick. They had arranged this to get under my skin, just like their “date” last night. That was the only thing that made sense.
There’s a simpler explanation, whispered a voice in my head.
I fed Smoke and went upstairs to take a shower. The scalding water washed away the salt water, but did little to remove the jealousy that now filled me. Logically, I knew I had no reason to be upset. Alyssa and I weren’t together. We never had been together. Hell, I hadn’t seen her in eight years.
But logic meant little in the face of emotion.
I went about my day. Grocery shopping, then dropping off some clothes at Goodwill. I bought stamps at the post office because I needed to roll over my IRA into the new firefighter pension plan, and they only accepted snail mail.
That night, I picked up Mateo and drove him to the station for our next shift.
“What is bothering you?” he asked halfway through the drive.
“Why do you think something’s bothering me?”
He gave me a small smile. “Because something is.”
“I’m fine,” I lied. “And I’m getting sick of everyone assuming otherwise.”
