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My hand reached out to open the door but paused when a swirling red, black, and orange tattoo crept up my arm. These had never shown up before. My fingers traced the markings on my skin, and they glowed brightly at my touch for a moment.
I focused back on the door in front of me. I had never been able to open this door in my dream, but maybe tonight would be different. My hand pushed the door, but nothing happened.
I froze with my hand on the door when a small noise sounded from behind me. I knew who waited behind me without needing to look.
When I finally turned, the man I expected stood in the shadows watching me. He wore dark clothing that obscured many features about him, except for his deep gold eyes, glowing brightly against the dark clothing.
He was here almost every dream, too, but he never revealed anything about himself. The man never spoke, and I was too worried that if I said a word to him, he would disappear. Despite this, there was a comfortable silence between us. I simply gazed at his golden eyes glowing from the dark. The tension in my muscles slowly eased the longer I watched him.
Screaming from behind the door ripped my gaze from the man.
“Thea!” The voices pleaded from the opposite side of the door.
The urge to help whoever was on the other side overtook me, and I yanked on the door, but it didn’t budge. Flames engulfed the door in front of me, the smoke making my eyes water. The door handle instantly heated, and I yanked my hand away. The roaring of the fire filled my ears. Their frantic pleading became louder from the other side, but I couldn’t save them.
I never could.
?????
I bolted up in my bed. My hazy eyes flew to the door, checking for flames or smoke, but I was in my room in Exile. I chuckled at the irony of feeling relief that I was happy to be in Exile for once.
Falling back onto my lumpy bed, I stared at the moss and mud that we used to make a roof. It was cracking under the constant heat of this place and would need to be replaced at some point. I didn’t know how long we had lived here, but it was certainly due for some work.
There were things I kept secret from Sybil. One of them was that I couldn’t remember periods of time while living here. Others would tell stories, but I didn’t recall them like they could. It was like I hadn’t been here for as long as them. Sometimes I woke up in a fog of confusion and couldn’t remember anything from the past few days. Sybil never said I was missing so something had to be wrong with me if I couldn’t remember memories from Exile.
From what others had said, we all appeared in Exile at the same time. My brain just couldn’t remember like theirs could. It was crazy to think that I was missing time in Exile, so I said nothing, but deep down there was something very wrong with me.
I guess it didn’t really matter how long we lived here because not once did it comfort me like a home should. Not that I had something to compare it to. The only happy memories I had were of Sybil teaching me new things or the twins showing me how to fight or shoot a bow.
Sybil's loud movements in the kitchen had me slipping on my clothes so we could work together on making bread.
Even though our home was small, I was thankful for the privacy it offered. Most male fae lived in community houses with little privacy, opting to let the females and children have the small homes. The house was bland and had no personal or warm touches besides the dried herbs Sybil displayed.
There was nothing frivolous about Exile.
I had lived alone at first, but Sybil moved in a short time after I found her barely breathing in the street. I shook my head to clear the memory of her near lifeless face.
“Good morning, Thea. I’ve made bread." The aroma floated through our house, the comforting smell mingling with the obvious tension between us. She gave me her usual happy smile, but I was cautious that it wasn’t genuine. Guilt still gnawed at my insides because I had been cruel to her.
“Smells great.” I picked up a piece of warm bread and nibbled on it. My stomach clenched almost in protest at the food. It wasn’t used to getting enough to eat. “Thanks.”
She nodded and sat on her stool staring at me. I wanted to avoid a conversation with her because we had never agreed on how to view the world. We didn’t see eye to eye on hardly anything, really.
“I’m sorry for being upset with you,” she started. My hand froze midway to my mouth with my next bite of bread. How was she apologizing so easily? We had fought countless times before without her ever acknowledging that my violence might be necessary for survival. “You are the reason we are both still alive. If you must kill to do it, then so be it.” The sudden shift in her views startled me. My stomach churned with hunger, but also with the oddness of Sybil validating my violence.
“I’m sorry for saying your family abandoned you. It was a low blow and uncalled for.”
“Sometimes I wonder what would have happened if I had chosen differently,” she whispered, more to herself than to me. “I should have fled like my husband begged me. Then my life wouldn’t have ended like this.” She waved her hand around our cramped kitchen for effect.
“But you always said our families abandoned us. Yours wanted to protect you?” My eyes narrowed on her because she had never said this before.
“There are things that you don’t remember, Thea, but I made a decision that was bigger than my own wants and needs. I did it for the realm of Elloryon.”
Her eyes were fixated on the herbs and vials I had brought her last night. She didn’t say anything for a long moment, and I thought that we were done with this conversation.
“Maybe one day, somehow, we will be rescued from Exile and find our place in society again. That is the thought that keeps me going, Thea. Hopefully, my family will be waiting for me when I'm freed. That they will forgive me for not listening to them.”
Confusion swarmed my mind as a heaviness settled on my heart. Sybil had never said any of this before. Everyone made it sound like their families had abandoned them, and turned them in to the Crimson King the moment they could. Why had she led me to believe that everyone hated us?
