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What I want and need for her to understand is that either of her is better than none of her. She can be the Widow Maker and my woman. She doesn’t have to hold back and keep herself contained for my sake. Savvy is everything to me and when she needs me, I’ll be here to love and support her, just like I am now.
I know my questions prompted a few of her own. I saw realization floating around in her eyes. Something I said has her thinking, and right now, after everything she has revealed and after dealing with those bitches, she needs a minute. And I need to get my woman out of here just to let her breathe.
“Not tonight.”
Her brows furrow and she looks up at me, one brow raised in question.
“You gave me a lot of shit to think about, and I think I did the same for you. So not tonight. Right now…”
I pull away from her but don’t let go completely, only an arm’s length as I stare down at her.
“Right now, you and I are going to go for a ride.” Her brows crease, and she tries to pull away. “Fuck, you just snapped a bitch's neck. Some nut case just came back from the fucking dead. And you’ve figured out the master plan of some super-powered crazy people. Not tonight. Tonight we ride. Tonight, let the wind give you what you need.”
Without a word, I release her, grab her hand, and pull her out of the office, ignoring her narrowed eyes and the little huff she gave me.
With my woman’s hand in mine, I pull her through the clubhouse and to my bike, ignoring the questioning looks from my brothers. A smile plays on my lips at the prospect of having my woman on the back of my bike again. It’s been a need I can’t quite explain since the moment she walked into the clubhouse all those months ago. I’ve missed having her wrapped around me, having her warmth pressed against my back and those thick thighs cradling me as the wind whips through our hair, blowing all the bullshit from our lives away. Even if it is just for a little while. It’s been over two decades since the last time Savvy has been on my bike. The last time was a few days before my life went to shit. It may surprise my woman to know I’ve never allowed anyone that isn’t family, my Ma and daughter to ride bitch. And that includes my bitch of an ex-wife, Beverly. Thank fuck she never asked, and I never offered. It never felt right, and she wasn’t my ol’ lady.
With a shake of my head, I release Savvy’s hand and reach into the saddle back, pulling the helmet out, a helmet I had made for this moment. Taz had one of his guys paint and design this helmet the way I wanted for my woman. It’s mat black, with the LSMC colors on both sides in a black foil. Her name is the same etching as the club colors. My eyes trail from the helmet to Savvy, who watches me curiously.
“You know you are the only woman besides my Ma and Princess that’s been on the back of my bike.”
I can see her disbelief as soon as the words leave my lips. Not liking that she would doubt me or think I’m lying to her. That is one thing I have never done or will ever do, is lie to get back in her good graces. I set the helmet on the seat and step closer to her, grabbing her chin so she’s looking into my eyes and seeing the truth.
“Fuck woman, I’m serious. Beverly refused, and I wasn’t too inclined to have her wrapped around me. It… I felt like that was…. Fuck, how do I say this shit without sounding like an asshole? I felt like it was a fucking betrayal to you. You were always supposed to be my forever girl.” I shake my head. I pick the helmet up from the seat as she stares at me with narrowed eyes.
Fuck, this woman is trying my patience. I’ve been as patient as I can be with wanting to get her to understand she is the fucking love of my life. I need her with me. Her doubt and the constant fighting to keep herself and her heart guarded is wearing fucking thin. I shake my head, plop the helmet on her head, and straddle my bike forgoing my helmet. I need her to get the fuck on the bike before I say or do some shit that will fuck everything up.
When she doesn’t move, I turn to look at her. And she is still standing there, looking cute as fuck with the helmet on her head and visor up.
“Get on the fucking bike Savvy,” I say a little more forcefully than I mean to, causing her to look like she is going to say some shit to piss me off.
We stare at each other a little longer, before she gets her ass on the bike after giving me a scathing look. Once situated. I pull out of the compound with no destination in mind until I drive down the coast smelling the breeze coming off of the bay. My mind is blank as I take in the scenery.
My hand goes to Savvy’s palm, and she tightens her arms around my waist and rests her helmet-clad head against my shoulder. Giving her a squeeze, I let the engine loose and let the wind do what it’s meant to.
It’s been a few hours of riding and I’m feeling the effects as I knew I would.
Pulling off the main road. I go to a place that holds memories for both Savvy and me. It’s where we would go to just be alone. We spent countless hours sitting by the water and talking about our lives, what we wanted for ourselves, and our futures. This is the place where I fell in love with Savvy.
Cutting the engine and putting the kickstand down. Savvy perks up and her helmet brushes against my back as she takes in where we are. Patting her on the leg, signaling to get off. She doesn’t at first, but after a few quiet moments, she places her hands on my shoulders and dismounts. I smile to myself when she wobbles a little and I have to lean over and catch her before she falls on her ass.
With a chuckle. I swing my legs over my back, ensuring that she is steady. I don’t let her go, even when she awkwardly removes the helmet. I adjust myself so that her front is to my back and just take in the scenery as memories play in my head. Savvy reaches over and places the helmet on the seat. She leans into me, wrapping her arms across her front and over mine as I pull her closer. I didn’t expect this from her, and I’m going to take it, because if bringing her here gets this calm of a response from her, fuck, I’ll bring her here every fucking day.
“I remember the first time you brought me here,” Savvy says, chuckling.
I hmm leaning in and resting my chin on the top of her head, pulling her closer to me.
“It was the first time I ever rode on your bike. I was so damn giddy. You shared this with me. Damn, I loved you so much at that moment.” She says the last part so quietly I almost don’t hear her.
And then it happens. Her body tenses, and she pulls away from me as always. I let her go reluctantly. Cursing internally, because I knew it couldn’t be that damn easy. It never is with us. Savvy takes a few steps away, her back still to me and her arms are crossed around her middle as she stares at the water. I watch her, seeing the tension in her arms, and know that if I want us to get past our shit, things are going to get ugly. They have to because my woman has had so much shit, she has pent up inside her unwilling to let out. And I’ll be damned if we leave here tonight without working through it.
“I loved you so fucking much, Gunner, and you fucking destroyed me. You destroyed who I was, and I had to rebuild myself. I had to become this to survive.” She says, anger, frustration, and hurt lacing her words.
“I hated you for what you did, even after finding out why you did it. I still hated you, but I also still loved you. So much… so many fucking emotions, and I couldn’t handle it. I couldn’t deal with it. So Pappa did what he had to do to help me. I know you don’t agree. I know you want to cuss me the fuck out. I know you do. Don’t deny it…” she says. Turning around, her eyes find mine and breathing stalls in my lungs at the look on her face.
“Fuck.” I say, taking a step that’s immediately halted when she raises her hand.
“You can be angry, fuck I’m angry with myself.” She says as a tear tracks down her cheek. She wipes it away, but another follows.
