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I propped it up against the TV—the place where we’d always left messages for each other—and headed for the door. I locked it behind me and rattled the doorknob once to make sure.
Then I tucked the book under my arm and hurried across the lawn to where Russell was waiting by the car.
“Ready?” he asked when we were both inside, ignition on.
I looked back at the house, taking it all in. Trying to freeze it in my mind. The whole time I’d been going through the admissions process, all my recommendations and applications and paperwork, the reality of and then you leave the only home you’ve ever known had somehow not really registered with me. But of course this was happening. There was no other way for it to go—but I let myself feel it for just a moment, this goodbye that was always going to happen, one way or another.
And when I’d gotten my fill, I turned to Russell and gave him a slightly quavery smile, and nodded. “Let’s do it.”
CHAPTER 23 Monday
10:15 P.M.
Luckily, there was very little traffic on the way to LAX. And as we flew down the half-empty freeway, I was torn over whether that was a good thing.
I knew it was good in the sense that I really didn’t have a lot of time to spare before getting on this plane, especially since I had to check a bag. But it was bad because time seemed to be speeding up, counting down the minutes I had left to spend here—both in LA and with Russell.
It was like we had so much to say that we weren’t saying any of it, just focusing on the logistics—which lane was moving faster, and if he could get over to it. But once we hit the 105—the freeway that would take us to the airport—the moment had finally arrived.
“Is your mom going to be mad?” I glanced down at my phone to look at the time—the Bronco had an analog clock, and this was just easier. “I bet she expected you home hours ago. When was your dad’s plane supposed to land?”
“I called her while you were locking up the house and got Gordon instead. He promised he’d tell her I was on my way, so hopefully he’ll soften the blow.”
I blinked, feeling like I’d missed something. “Wait—who’s Gordon?”
“He’s my mom’s partner. I mentioned him, didn’t I?”
“No,” I said, shaking my head. “He—lives with you?”
“Most of the time. He’s an artist, and has a place in Taos.…”
“Oh. Well—that’s cool.” I looked out the window, trying to get my head around it. So Russell basically had a stepfather he hadn’t mentioned. It was fine—we just hadn’t had that much time, that’s all.
Russell tapped his fingers on the steering wheel, looking at the freeway—wide-open and empty—ahead of us. “But my mom is really not going to be happy if I tell her I’m not going to Michigan in a week.”
“Really?” I turned on the seat so that I could face him a little more fully. “You’re—considering it?”
Russell glanced away from the road and gave me a half smile. “Turning it over in my mind. I am going to have to make a decision soon, though, huh?”
“I mean, you can probably take a day,” I said, and Russell laughed. “Maybe two?”
“But,” he said, glancing over at me. “If I decide not to go, my dad’s in New York all the time. It’s where Sydney and Connor and Dashiell live. So I could see you really easily. And even if I’m in Michigan, we can figure it out. Right?”
“Right,” I said automatically. “Totally.” I knew that Russell was saying everything right. He was following what, a day ago, I would have believed was the best and most romantic way for this story to go. Two people meeting by chance and then building something lasting off that one magical night. It was in all the stories I always swooned over—everything I wanted to believe was true. But now…
“You could come to campus and stay in my… dorm,” I said, hesitating over the last word when I realized I didn’t even know what to imagine when I said it. I had no idea what the campus would be like, or where I would be unpacking my things tomorrow morning. I couldn’t even picture myself there—how could I picture Russell?
“Totally,” Russell echoed, his voice slightly strained as he gave me a quick smile, then turned back to the road.
I looked out the window, waiting for a surge of excitement to follow this, butterflies swooping around in my stomach. But it didn’t come.
And even though it went against every movie I’d watched and what my instincts only yesterday would have been, I realized that this probably shouldn’t happen. That I shouldn’t be trying to figure out a brand-new potential relationship while also starting one of the biggest transitions of my life at the same time.
“That all sounds… really wonderful,” I said after a moment, finding my words as I was speaking them. “It sounds like just what I would have wanted, not that long ago.”
Russell glanced over at me, his smile falling away from his face, like a wave retreating from shore. “But?”
“I don’t know.” I looked down at my hands, twisting together in my lap, and tried to gather my thoughts. “I really like you. So much. It’s just…” I took a breath, trying to get this in some kind of order. “How long have Wallace and his girlfriend been together? The one who’s in Hawaii?”
