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“You feel my pain, don’t you?” he asked.
I nodded.
“Tell me how to free you from Caedryn. Niawen, tell me. I will do it. Surely there’s a way to break the bond.”
“There’s not,” I said.
“You told me light discerns light,” Kenrik said. “You told me emrys see with their light. That’s how you found the enemy. That’s how you knew the villagers were being attacked. You heal with your light. Everything about you uses light. You united your light. It holds you bound to Caedryn, doesn’t it?”
“Yes.”
Kenrik’s voice lowered. “Without light, you’d be free.”
“Yes.” Kenrik had a point. Our lights were bound, but what if I took my light out? Removed the sphere just as Caedryn and I did when we exchanged light? Then I wouldn’t feel him.
No emrys had ever unbound themselves from another. I was crazy to consider it.
Caedryn edged closer. “I don’t know what you’re proposing, but that’s impossible. Niawen’s mine. She will always be a part of me, and I, a part of her. As will her child.”
I jumped to my feet and whirled around. My body was shaking. Every person I knew carried light. Light was my immortality. Light snuffed out with death. If I took my light out, would I eventually die like a mortal?
A senseless thought passed through my head. Could I live with Kenrik if I did this? Would I be willing to give up my immortality and grow old? Could I subject myself to sickness? Run the risk of developing a disease as Sorfrona had?
Caedryn grabbed my arm, pulled me to himself, and pushed back my hair, forcing me to look at him. “You aren’t thinking clearly, my darling. I know you want to help your friend, but your state is too delicate to heal him, his injuries, too extensive. You’ll harm our child.”
I wanted to cry. I wanted to shove him in the chest. Anguish filled me. Anguish because of his deeds. Anguish because of his love for me. He still loved me. Caedryn had hurt Kenrik because he loved me. In his mind, his love was distorted, confused.
I shook him off. “You told me he was Rapion. I could have begun his healing this afternoon. Let me heal his legs at least. The breaks will kill him in a few hours. I’ll proceed slowly. If you want to earn my trust back, let me do this.”
“I’ve broken your trust in me?” Caedryn asked.
“Yes.”
“You despise me. I’m no fool, Niawen. Disgust is in your eyes. I’m an abhorrent monstrosity. Nothing but a vile, malformed shell to you.”
“Caedryn, I gave you my heart,” I said. “We can fix our relationship. Our love is damaged, but it can be repaired.”
“You’ll never stop looking at me as if I’ve broken your heart!”
“You have!”
“No. No,” Caedryn said. “You will forget what I’ve done. I’ll make this as though it never happened. Heal him. Take him away, and I will make you forget.”
“You can’t make me forget. You can’t erase what you did.”
“What I did? You drove me to my actions. Your heart was all over the place. You carry feelings for several mortals. You ran from them because you couldn’t pick just one of them. I lived with this confusion in your head, slipping into my thoughts! How do you think that felt? I was looking at only you. I was loving only you!”
“While living with the memories of the empress!” I shrieked.
“Going back to her was an impossibility! They were nightmares!”
“My feelings for them are an example of how people love. I’m not in love with them. I care about them the same as I care about family.”
“You kissed Kelyn. You wanted him.” Caedryn sneered. “You wanted him to feel your light and wanted him to want your light.”
“You saw that?”
“I see everything. Why not take them all, Niawen? Keep me for your immortal soul mate while satisfying your lust for them with them. As they die off, you could take a new plaything. A new generation to fawn over your godlike body.”
