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“He’s the crown prince,” Kenrik said. “He gets everything he wants.”
I sensed an edge to Kenrik’s emotions. Resentment. Jealousy. “And you don’t?”
“Even if I held every rightful, noble, and tender sentiment or longing over Kelyn’s shallow, meaningless ones, Kelyn gets precedence.”
Oh. My mind recalled Kenrik’s words beside Seren. To his touch of hope when I healed Sorfrona. To his faith in my capabilities. To all the meaningful glances during meetings and training.
Kenrik was falling hard for me.
Oh. Oh!
He had declared himself, and I was too blind.
Kenrik squeezed his eyes shut. “Forget I said anything. Tell me more about your light. How does it heal? What else can you do?”
The truth was too much. All of a sudden I wanted nothing to do with humans. I excused myself from Kenrik and strode from the room, without breaking into a run.
Love. Death. Lust.
Attraction.
I didn’t know which one was leaving the greatest mark on my heart-center.
TWENTY-EIGHT
I was hiding on the highest tower’s rooftop. The stone was glazed over with a thin layer of ice, but I melted it with my light so I wouldn’t slip. I gazed through the gaps in the shoulder-high wall, out over a world covered in dripping icicles—the most stunning natural spectacle I had ever beheld.
My thoughts swirled with Kelyn’s kiss, and his near death. I almost lost him. I wanted his arms around me to hold me together, but his arms weren’t enough. His touch only did so much.
Kenrik’s words and his mischievous looks replaced thoughts of Kelyn’s caresses. Kenrik, the younger brother, saw something in me. Was it my compassion, my hope, my faith? Whatever he saw tugged at him, and he was drawn to my spirit. He soothed me with his words. He understood things on a deeper level.
Kelyn was superficial, while Kenrik was quiet and brooding. Kelyn might claim to understand the nuances in my personality, and he might have made a study of me and my abilities, but Kenrik had always been accepting of who I was, with or without my power.
He saw me as human.
With my broken and damaged heart, all I wanted was to feel normal. I sneered. Normal for me was an emrys. Normal for me was feeling everyone’s emotions and having them feel me in return. Normal for me was having a heart-center of pure light and living among other immortals.
Normal was also boring. Knowing my place and living out each day with a steady ritual. Rising with the sun, meditating, and praying. Training for a battle that never came in our secure realm. Wielding light against my emrys brothers and sisters to build my skills. Studying the books and scrolls written by the elders so the younger generation knew the secrets of light. Honoring the wishes of my elders. Forced to be submissive and meek, which I was not. The most freedom I had was flying on Seren.
“Niawen?”
Kelyn poked his head through the trapdoor in the middle of the circular space. He huffed and puffed as he pulled himself through. The climb up the winding stairwell must have done him in. The fall to the bottom was at least seven stories. A dizzying height to stare down.
His face was sheened in sweat.
“Niawen.” He crawled a few feet and remained on his knees. The quivering in his arms didn’t escape my notice.
“What are you doing up here?” I turned to kneel beside him, but Kelyn lifted his hand.
“Wait. Please stand. I have something to say while I’m down here.”
I straightened. What possessed him to ascend the tower with his fear of heights?
“This is the first I’ve ever climbed those stairs,” he wheezed. “And I dare not stand and peer over the edge of that wall.”
“Kelyn…” Watching and feeling such a raw terror scrub through him was agonizing for me.
“You know abasing myself in front of you in such a manner doesn’t bother me,” he said. “I’m relieved I can be honest with you. Believe it or not, riding a horse without crying took me years to accomplish. I was six years old the first time I rode. The horse bucked, and I was thrown. Took me a whole summer to get back on, and even then, I sniffled and whimpered the whole time until Father said to forget it. I didn’t ride again until I was fifteen. Can you imagine?”
