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I shook my head. “No.” I crouched beside him and wiped the sweat from his brow with a handkerchief I plucked from my pocket.
“I hope the fact I’m up here shows you I’d go to any lengths to portray the depths of my devotion.”
I blinked as the bottom of my stomach dropped out.
“Please. Stand. I can’t do this unless you’re standing. It wouldn’t be right.” Kelyn pushed himself to one knee. He took a steadying breath.
I backed away a half step. Kelyn reached for my hand. “Niawen, darling. I know you deserve the best, and I’m far from any grace you’re used to, but I’m a good man and an honest man. I’m flawed, but I hope you can overlook those things that make me human and see that my love for you is endless.”
Each word that left his mouth spun through my head. His feelings for me were developing too fast. Was his admission how mortals committed themselves to one another? Was he initiating some sort of bond? Oh no. He was bonding himself to me. In what way? Panic rose inside me.
“Niawen, I’d be the happiest man if you’d become my wife.”
My mouth parted. Kelyn’s hand tremored. This was a mortal’s proposal. He’s going to ask you to marry him, Kenrik had said. This wasn’t a bond but a consent to a future marriage.
Things were done so differently in Gorlassar. We made little steps by bonding emotionally or mentally. Then came the exchange of light and the physical bond of intimacy.
This wasn’t an emotional bond or mental bond. This was just words. A verbal contract.
Kelyn was smitten. He was linked to me by his affections. I had only to open my mouth and respond. I had only to express my devotion in return.
But how did I feel about him?
My feelings were a chemical attraction. The way he touched me sent a rush of tingling throughout my body, scrambling my thoughts and making it impossible for me to think straight. Kelyn was all physical for me. This step was backward. I couldn’t be with Kelyn physically unless I bonded with him in other ways first.
Uniting two souls by creating certain links was emrys law before a couple could share intimacy. And I didn’t know if an immortal could perform these bonds with a human.
And I didn’t love him like that. I loved him as the man he was, but he wasn’t right for me. I wasn’t right for him.
“Oh, Kelyn,” I said.
“I know you’re scared. I know you’re afraid of losing me, but can’t our life together be wonderful? I want to wake up beside you every day. I want to see your radiant smile and know it’s just for me. I want a life with you.”
“I need to think. This is very soon. Your world is so new.”
“I understand. You can have as much time as you want.” He kissed my hand.
I didn’t expect his understanding. This was a relief.
“Uh, Niawen…?” His strength gave out, and he crumpled to all fours.
I wrapped my arms around his shaking frame. “Kelyn.”
“The only consent I need right now is that you’ll help me down these stairs,” he whispered.
I laughed. “Of course. Of course.”
“Thank you, my Niawen.”
TWENTY-NINE
I rounded the corner on my way to the third-floor library. Tiwlip passed through the doorway. When she saw my face, she burst into tears and brushed past me.
“Tiwlip!” I shouted.
Kenrik emerged. “Let her go.”
“You didn’t do it, did you?” My thoughts flashed to our talk. I instantly knew from Tiwlip’s expression that she thought Kenrik turned her down because of me.
