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His lips rolled against mine. Carefully at first. As his mouth smothered every surface of my pout, his hands held me prisoner. He braced my head with one hand, and the other dropped to my lower back and pressed me firmly against his body.
I whimpered with a breath. My legs weakened. If he released me, I’d crumple to the floor.
Now he fed me his emotions. Now he willed them into me.
Appetite for the pleasures of flesh. Sweetness.
Demand for gratification he could not yet have.
Itching for satiation.
Deliciousness.
Abandoning restraint.
He couldn’t have meant for me to feel all this. I clutched his shirt with both hands for support while my forearms strained against his chest as I forced space between our bodies.
He sensed my alarm. His control crept in, and Caedryn reluctantly, with great effort, released me.
I shoved him in the chest, feeling violated, as I stumbled back, covering my mouth.
“Niawen, forgive me.” He reached for me.
I held my hand up to halt him as I edged away, clutching my stomach. I was dizzy with emotion.
“I told you.” He cursed. “I’m sorry. Please, let me fix this. Give me time.”
When I could stand upright, I turned and ran out the door.
FIFTY-THREE
I wasn’t sure where to go as distressed and panicked as I was. At first I returned to my room, but as I stared at my bed and the inviting covers, I couldn’t let them put me to rest. Caedryn would howl during the night. I’d resist going to him, but I’d fail.
I rummaged for my fur boots and a heavy cloak. Soon I found my way out of the citadel. After winding through several alleys, I ended at the docks overlooking the river. The air was achingly chilled, and the night, stoic. I marched to the edge of a dock and plopped down.
Ice edged the river’s banks. A slow current near the center kept the river from completely freezing. In the dark, the far bank was obscured.
I tucked my head into my hands and debated bugging Seren. The truth was I didn’t want to tell her what had happened. I didn’t want her to read my feelings and know what kind of man Caedryn was.
My heart was still splintering. The shards were cutting into the tissue of my lungs and making breathing laborious. I curled tightly, with my knees to my chest. What had I gotten myself into? Caedryn hadn’t harmed me, but he was forceful. Did I like the kiss? I chewed on my index finger. I wasn’t sure. Caedryn had tripped sensations deep inside me I didn’t know I could experience.
Dangerous feelings.
My first kiss with Kelyn had started vastly different. A simple innocent kiss that inspired so much bliss had me drifting on a cloud. I had wanted Kelyn to enjoy the kiss with me. But as the feelings drove deeper into me, it translated to a carnal appetite.
A human pleasure of the flesh.
Exactly what Caedryn had expressed.
I hadn’t been ready for such sensuality with Kelyn. I wasn’t sure I was ready for it with Caedryn.
But what was my relationship with Caedryn?
Heat crept into my face. I wanted to say I liked the kiss, but once again, I felt dirty. Was every experience in the mortal world going to mark me in some way? I understood why the emrys were told to never leave Gorlassar. Humanity’s corruption stained every soul and the misdeeds of its people were so commonplace that many didn’t care if they were immoral.
Siana should have taught her children better.
Emrys are guardians. Emrys are beings of light. Emrys are pure. Uncorrupted. Undefiled.
