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I saw Caedryn’s face work as he processed his thoughts. What I wouldn’t give to be in his mind. Say it. Say it.
“Yes,” he whispered. “I bond with you mentally. Do you accept me?”
“Yes,” I said.
A plug had been pulled. I moaned as blinding anxiety cleared. A field of clarity opened before me.
We were bonded.
I’d be able to hear him.
He could hear me.
It felt like an incomplete victory.
I didn’t want to look at him.
I turned away. “You decide when you’re ready to bond physically.” I stormed out of the room.
FIFTY-SIX
I leaned against the back of the metal tub and rubbed the cloth down my arms. I felt smug and satisfied. Yet so vexed. It wasn’t as if I had tricked Caedryn into the mental bond. Though making progress with him felt good, I didn’t like how the moment had unfolded.
I had ruined the perfect calm from his announcement.
You make me happy, he had said.
Oh, Deian. And I told him that deciding when to bond physically was up to him. Oh no! What was I thinking? We were moving too fast.
I was being too greedy.
What would our bond do to him?
You make me crazy! I screamed my words at him, knowing he’d hear them.
I reviewed the spine-tingling milestones in my life. Every victory I had. Every failure. Every big step. Looking into Aneirin’s soul. Jumping off the ledge. Meeting my first mortal. Healing the bricklayer. Kelyn’s kiss. Kenrik’s declaration. Defying my father. Coming to Islwyn. Healing the people in the city.
All the thoughts exhausted me. And yet, peace filled me.
I shampooed my hair and dried it before the fire. Lowri brushed it smooth for me.
I was where I wanted to be. I could celebrate the steps forward in my life. I could even face Kelyn and Kenrik. My jaw twinged as I hoped they’d moved on. Was the discomfort from thinking about Kelyn’s caresses? I unclenched my teeth, but the tightness remained. While massaging my jaw, Kenrik’s tortured cries accosted me again. Would I always hear him crying my name?
“Are you all right, my lady?” Lowri asked.
“Huh?” I was still rubbing my cheek. “Oh yes. I’m fine.”
I turned my thoughts to Owein. I should find him. I hadn’t searched for his light in ages. What part of the country would he be in during the winter? He’d probably be south on a warm beach. Not being experienced with winter, I couldn’t imagine good trapping while most of the animals were hibernating.
Despite my distressing past, this world did feel like my home—with friends I thought of fondly. Friends I could visit. When Seren returned, I’d visit Kelyn and Kenrik and make sure things were set right between them. And make sure Kelyn didn’t resent my exit. I regretted not saying goodbye to him.
“Thank you, Lowri.” I patted my braids. She had experimented with a few coils around my crown. I was delighted with the result. “I’m going into the city, as usual.”
“All right, my lady. I’ll be with you shortly. Just a few things to finish up.”
I opened my door and stepped into the hallway.
Caedryn was leaning against the wall, grinning. “I enjoyed your bath.”
