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When his attention returned to Ava to discuss the funeral plans for later today, the vampire went silent. Had she been expecting something else? Anger, or tears, perhaps? That he’d fight tooth and nail for her—even though she wasn’t willing to do the same for him?
The next hour ushered in more guilt and bitterness for Riaz. The alpha had made the call to Benny’s extended family earlier that day, werewolves of a different pack that’d entrusted Benny’s guardianship to him. They were devastated and had arrived at the den already broken in spirit. The young werewolf had been twenty-five when he died—a quarter century when he should’ve had hundreds of years ahead of him.
The funeral commenced as soon as the sun set. Attendees, grim faced and stoic, gathered around the massive pyre that’d yet to be lit. Cortana hovered near the perimeter, remaining set apart from the throng of werewolves.
Riaz spoke, his words kind and unfailing, his mournful gaze focused on the young wolf who’d been reverently placed atop the wooden pedestal. He owned his actions, taking the responsibility for Benny’s death. Though he didn’t see condemnation in the faces of those around him, he’d been the one to mismanage and end the young wolf’s life.
When he lit the pyre, he watched in silence as the flames built and the roar of the fire consumed the wood and the body that lay within. Haunted by flames that were long-since dead and uneasy with being so close to the blaze, his wolf paced restlessly underneath his skin.
As the fire began to smolder, his pack took to their four-legged forms, howling a sad song to the rising moon. Riaz remained, standing guard as the flame continued to dwindle deep into the night. Only Cortana waited with him, unwilling to leave him alone, even when only smoke and ash remained.
It was an alpha’s duty to protect the pack, and his failure to do so wouldn’t be set right by his penance. Still, he wouldn’t join his wolves in their run or their howl. Glancing at the empty den, he realized he couldn’t return to the empty halls either. Across the clearing, his vampire waited as if knowing how much he hated solitude and how deeply that trauma affected him.
In the months after his initial shift, he’d been forced from his home, running from his family’s lack of acceptance with his tail tucked like a coward. Days had turned to weeks, and weeks had turned to months. Riaz had figured out how to return to his human form but hadn’t understood the nuances of the shift. He’d been forced by circumstances to remain as the wolf, fearing the nakedness and vulnerability of his human side.
At night, his howls were always met with silence, his solitude a strain on his heart. Then one night, they’d been chorused by another, the wolf drawing near to his mournful cries as if by fate.
Meeting Aidan had saved his life. The loneliness had slowly been crushing his will to live, suffocating the alpha nature that had just breathed into life beneath his skin. Aidan had helped him survive, be happy, and start learning how to thrive.
“Riaz?” Cortana’s voice pulled him back to the present. She’d appeared at his side while he’d been lost in thought, memories clouding his senses.
“Cortana.” Voice deep with emotion, he forced a smile. “Walk with me?”
Her hand was a solid weight in his, tethering him to the present. In his chest, the ghosting mating bond thrummed with contentedness, and for the moment, he merely relished the feeling.
Mine.
“Why did you not shift with the others?”
Riaz glanced at her, his mouth pulling taut. “The alpha always stays until the fire has cleared. And if the life was lost due to alpha error, they don’t join the pack run immediately following the pyre, as penance.”
“But it wasn’t your fault.”
“It’s always the alpha’s fault, Cortana.” He owned the mistake, unwavering. “Benny was my responsibility, and his life was lost because I didn’t foresee his choice to shadow the runners. I didn’t allow him a chance to spread his wings earlier, I didn’t see that someone as eager as him should have been given the vaccine, as he was sure to put himself in harm’s way. My dominance wasn’t enough to call him back from crossing over, and then I killed him. His loss is a monument to my mistakes. I don’t deserve the release of the communal run.”
She hesitated, then asked a loaded question. “Is that why the fire troubled you?”
“No,” was all he could say at first, his mind thrown back into the memory that haunted his waking moments.
Shouting. Screaming. The roar of a fire, spreading wildly, an uncoordinated pup racing away from the smoke, the conflagration singeing the ground behind him as it spread.
“The first night I shifted, something caught fire close to me. The flames moved fast, taking advantage of the dry grasses and woven blankets and using them as kindling.” Clenching his hands, he continued, “When I tried to escape, I found myself trying to figure out how to move four legs instead of two.”
Shaking his head, he swallowed against a throat thick with fear. “The fire spread quickly over the plains surrounding my family’s homestead. I attempted to outpace the flames, but wildfires catch fast, and I couldn’t move quickly enough.”
He looked down at his hands, opening and closing them as if to see the burns that’d once been there. “My paws, my legs, back, stomach—nothing escaped the fire. Ever since then, my wolf has been skittish around flame, and there’s nothing I can do to combat it.”
Cortana was quiet for a beat before responding. “I’m sorry that happened to you. It must’ve been awful.”
“It was,” he admitted. “But the burns faded after a week, and my coat grew back in eventually. You’d never know I almost burned to death as a young pup.”
Her fingers tightened around his. Walking in silence for a beat, Riaz allowed Cortana’s presence and the sounds of the night to soothe him. A cooing owl, a chorus of cicadas, the pack of wolves that were bound to him. Ava was leading them, burning off the frenetic energy that’d accumulated among them during the pyre.
“You talk about the wolf like he’s a separate entity to you sometimes.”
There was nothing but curiosity in Cortana’s tone, and he felt inclined to answer her. “My wolf is a manifestation of the primitive part of my soul; we’re two parts to the same whole. His instincts, his desires, his needs—they’re my own, only magnified. While we occasionally refer to them as a separate being, it’s not entirely the truth.”
He caught her nod in his peripheral vision, lifting his gaze to the sky to relish in the moon’s light. And then she spoke again.
