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Adam is chatting all the way back to the car, telling us he’s certain Rosie knew who he was, how he would pick even nicer grass the next time. All the while Trevor and I entertain his chatter. I steal secret glances at the big man and find his gaze on me more than once. Hope is again rearing its head.
“We got you a present.”
“A present?” Trevor furrows his brows.
I open the boot of the car with Adam jumping excitedly next to me.
The big metal plate has two hooped hinges at the top corners. I hold it up for Trevor to see. His jaw goes slack.
“How… you… Did you make this?”
McBride Farm Camping & Glamping is written over two lines and next to it, the simple image of a cow.
“My oldest sister’s husband is a graphic designer. He made the template and sent it to a local company in Belfast that made it.”
Yeah, coming up here has been on my mind for a while and is not the spur of the moment thing that Adam made it out to be.
“That’s my drawing of Rosie.” Adam points at the cow.
“It’s true, it’s based on his drawing.”
“It’s beautiful, Adam, it looks just like Rosie.”
Adam’s grin covers his whole face.
Trevor grabs the sign with his strong hands, his eyes misting up. Then his gaze turns to mine and my heart stops.
“You did this for me?”
“Anything.” I swallow hard. “I’ll do anything.”
His features soften and the corner of his mouth tilts up. “Jamie… I can’t, Jamie.” The voice of this strong man breaks. My heart sinks. “I just can’t. Not while Julie…”
I swallow past the lump in my throat.
“I understand,” I whisper. Trevor tries to give me the sign back, but I shake my head. “No, keep it. You’ve done more for me than you’ll ever know.”
“Can I sleep in the little kids’ room tonight?”
I take a deep breath and try to smile at my son. “I’m sorry, Adam, but I don’t think we can stay over tonight. It’s time to go, buddy.”
There’s so much sadness in Trevor’s eyes, it breaks my already broken heart. He’ll never choose me over Julie. Strangely, it makes me love him more – he’s so selfless, he’ll sacrifice his own happiness for the sake of those closest to him. I can’t help but respect him for that. He puts the sign up against the wall and hugs Adam.
My voice is shaky. “Be good.”
17
Trevor
The last I see of Jamie is the rear brakes as the car turns the corner. I wince at the sound of the suspension hitting a pothole, and part of me hopes it will damage the car so he can’t leave me.
I squeeze my eyes shut and try to level my stuttered breathing. He came to see me, and he left. I made him leave. I hope I did the right thing. I did the right thing. I don’t want to hurt Julie. I imagine the pain in her eyes if she saw me with Jamie, and I know I did the right thing.
We haven’t talked much about Jamie since the summer, Julie and I. I had hoped that going to university may help ease her broken heart, but if she fell for him even a fraction of how I fell, then I know she’s suffering. It bloody hurts! My hands are tight fists in my pockets as barbed wire is pumping through my veins, bringing aching pain to every part of my body. Those few moments we had together this summer, under the stars, in the shed, I saw a future with hope, with laughter… and love. Even through Jamie’s reluctance and confusion, there was a connection between us that I’ve never experienced with anyone else. Will I ever find it again?
My head snaps up at the sound of an approaching car. My hands come out of my pockets and my heart hammers a hundred miles an hour. Then slows to a disappointing jog. An unfamiliar souped-up Honda rounds the corner.
My sister jumps out of the passenger side.
