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“No,” Louise affirms, “she’s on her own this time. The kids are with Jean-Pierre and the nanny. She’s flying back tomorrow night, anyway.”
“So we won’t get to meet her again?” Our paths never seem to cross, but from what I’ve heard, it’s a blessing.
“Afraid not,” she sniggers, “Lucky you. We’ve barely seen her ourselves, to be honest. She’s either out partying with friends or shopping at Westfield. My hallway is crammed with designer shopping bags.” Francesca treats their house like a hotel. I don’t know why Louise puts up with it. This’ll be her fourth visit since Louise married Gerry, and it’s not as if they can’t afford to stay in a hotel. Louise always says that “this time is the last time” and then caves in when Gerry gives her the puppy-eyes look. I don’t blame her. It is very hard to say no to Gerry and he does do very good “puppy-eyes”.
“So, how did Jess take the baby news?” I say, changing the subject. I get a vision of Jess in her skinny white jeans and lace black top, her neck adorned with numerous chains, clanking every time she moves; blonde, wavy hair tumbling over her shoulders. Jess and I are close. I’m like her surrogate aunt. I watched her growing up, and was chief childminder when Louise had the odd night out. Jess was the only person I texted back when Nick dumped me. Even through my grief, I couldn’t bear to ignore her consoling message - The shit head freak. R u ok? Luv u x <3
“Brilliant,” Louise replies, sounding surprised, “she can’t wait to have a little brother or sister. She can’t do enough for me around the house.” Well, that’ll be a first – doesn’t sound like the Jess I know. “Mind you, she is busy with a new boyfriend.” Ah, that explains things, then. Jess can have her pick of boyfriends, with her good looks and curvaceous physique, they’re lining up to take her out. Her phone never stops pinging with messages.
“So,” I say, tentatively, “any news on Nick’s condition?” My iPhone throbs on the coffee table. I glance at it quickly as a message lights up the screen.
“No, I haven’t heard anything else,” she says, voice suddenly cold. “Why should you care, anyway? You’re not together anymore.” There’s a short pause as I retrieve my text message. It’s from Vicky, welcoming me home and asking when we can get together. I slip my mobile into my pocket. “Look,” Louise huffs, “I know how you must be feeling but…” Annoyance flares through me. How could she know? She’s not me. She’s not in the arena. I wouldn’t wish this kind of agony on my worst enemy. “This has come as a terrible shock, I’m sure,” she says as if she’s reciting a paragraph out of a self-help pamphlet. “But he made his choice, didn’t he? Before the accident, I mean. You’ve got to stop pining for him, Audrey.”
“Pining?” I ask, surprised. Is that what they all think I’m doing? Looking for a way to get back with him? “What are you talking about?” Distracted by a noise outside, I yank the net curtain back. A young builder in a blue hooded sweatshirt is throwing bricks into a wheelbarrow outside the house that’s having a loft conversion a few doors down.
“I’m saying that you’re well rid of him, that’s all. You’ll meet someone else.”
“So everyone keeps telling me,” I say dryly, moving away from the window.
“Well, what do you expect, Audrey? Have you forgotten what he did to you? He treated you like shit. If that were me, I’d…”
“Of course, I haven’t forgotten,” I cut across her. Louise always says it how she sees it but I wasn’t prepared for this backlash from her. I thought she’d be more compassionate, given the circumstances. “But aren’t you all forgetting,” I add defensively. I’ve had enough of being patronised. “That if I’d agreed to postpone our wedding, none of this would have happened. We’d still be together and he wouldn’t be on a hospital bed.”
“Oh, so it’s your fault now, is it?”
“Some of it, yes,” I admit, cheeks burning.
“Audrey! Will you just listen to yourself? Why are you trying to make him out to be like some kind of saint just because he’s injured?”
“Stop twisting things, Louise. I’m concerned about his welfare, that’s all. We were together for eight years, in case you’ve forgotten. Anyway, you wouldn’t even be with Gerry if it wasn’t for Nick.” I pause but she doesn’t answer. She knows I’m right. “And he did love me. He got cold feet, that’s all. I pushed him too far.” I thrust a hand through my hair restlessly, another crash of bricks land in the skip.
“Oh, Audrey, you don’t know what you’re saying.”
“So, I’m mad now, am I? That’s what you’re all thinking, isn’t it?”
“If you go and visit him in hospital, which is what I think you’re planning on doing then, yes, you are!”
“Don’t be so stupid.”
“And if you’re considering taking him back, well…” she sighs irritably.
“I could do a lot worse.” I can’t believe I just said that out loud.
“Audrey, he’s not the man you think he is.”
There’s a brief silence as I process what she’s just said, and then, “What’s that supposed to mean?” I demand. I can hear my heart pumping in my ears, her breath heavy down the phone.
“Nothing, forget it,” she snaps.
“No, no, come on. You’ve started now, what do you mean?” I can’t believe that Louise and I are arguing over Nick. Oh my God. Are we about to fall out again?
“Look, you’re taking all this the wrong way. What I mean is, he’s not worth it, that’s all,” she says firmly. “When push came to shove, he couldn’t hack it. He showed his true colours. Anyway, you’ve always been too good for him.”
My mind starts racing. What the hell is she talking about? Nick was devoted to me, she knows that. Then it suddenly dawns on me and I feel the colour drain from my face in an instant. “You’re jealous!” I say furiously. “You’ve always been jealous of me and Nick.”
“Audrey!”
“Just because I had a man who loved me. Just me!” I poke my chest with my index finger. “Without any Ts and Cs.” Anger rips through me like a tsunami. I know I shouldn’t be saying these hurtful things to Louise but I can’t seem to stop myself. I’m like a woman possessed.
