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I’m almost home when my phone buzzes with a message from Louise – have I got time for a quick catch-up at Strawberry Court Cafe in Muswell Hill. I could do with another friendly ear. Much as I love and respect Vicky, I left there feeling more confused than ever.
Louise spots me as I walk in, stands up and waves madly. I weave through a few customers waiting at the till to the hiss of the coffee machine, the chime of the cash register. I can’t wait to confess my infidelities to Louise, cleanse myself of this burden.
“Hey,” Tina trills scrambling to her feet. Images of me and Ronan on the sofa flash before me as she gives me a warm hug. Damn, I didn’t expect Tina to be here too.
“Hey, yourself.” I unbutton my mac, giving them an inquisitive look. They’re both brimming with delight. “What’ve you two been up to?”
“You’ll never guess where this one took me this morning,” Louise giggles, sitting back down next to Tina.
“Jess said you went to the cinema. What did you see?”
“What we saw were big, fat boobs!”
Tina gives Louise a playful slap on the hand. “Only one pair of boobs, Lou.”
“You went to see a porn movie?”
They’re now laughing so hard they can barely string a coherent sentence together. People at nearby tables are looking and smiling.
I wait out their bout of the giggles with a frozen smile. I hate that feeling of exclusion, you know, where friends are enjoying a joke which you can never be a part of, no matter how hard you try.
“No,” Tina manages, between outbursts, “a woman feeding her baby.”
“Oh, a nursing mum.” What’s so funny about that? I’m beginning to wish I’d gone straight home.
“She,” Louise points at Tina, wiping away tears of mirth, “took me to a Newbie screening.”
“A what?” I lean forward, trying hard to join in.
“Exactly,” Louise says firmly, dabbing at her eyes with a Strawberry Court serviette.
“Oh, stop it, Louise, people are staring, you’re going get us thrown out. It’s for mothers with their new babies, that’s all. But I didn’t know, did I? We only found out when the usher told us that there may be a few new mothers in there with their babies and…”
“Audrey,” Louise intervenes. I force a smile but all I can think about is what I did with Ronan. Each time I blink I can see his face, feel his touch, smell his scent. “We could barely hear the film because it was on low sound, the lights were on, prams everywhere.” I’m glad she’s seeing the funny side of it. That she’s getting over her loss.
“So, were you okay, Lou, with all those new mums, I mean?” I look up and acknowledge a waitress as she places our drinks on the table.
“Actually, it’s just what I needed,” Louise says, smiling up at the waitress, “life goes on and all that.” She spoons the froth off her coffee. “Besides, I’ve got some news!”
“Oh?” I search for a sachet of sweetener in the bowl. Tina checks for messages on her phone.
“We’ve decided to adopt again.” So Jess was right. “And guess what?” she says excitedly. “There’s a baby waiting.”
“Blimey, that was quick.” I’m dumbfounded. “I thought these procedures took ages.”
“Well, we applied ages ago, didn’t we?” She leans back in her seat, cup and saucer in hand. I want to tell her that it’s too soon for her, she’s still grieving for her loss, but I’m not sure if I can burst her bubble right now, she seems overjoyed.
“Great, isn’t it?” Tina pipes up, slipping back into the loop of our conversation. “And I’ve got some news too. Guess who I saw last night?”
“Who?” I ask brightly, taking a sip from my cup.
“Ronan!” Oh, bloody hell! I want to die.
“Louise and I decided to go for a pizza yesterday evening. You know, the one on Park Road, anyway, when I dropped Lou back home I popped in for a bit and there he was, leaning against the doorpost looking handsomely dishevelled.” Oh hell, if only she knew why. “He said he’d just popped over to pick Nick up.” Her voice drops a few decibels, “He did say Nick had a new girlfriend.” I press my fingers against my lips. I want to leave. “You are okay with that, babe, aren’t you? I mean, now that you’re with Daniel.”
I tell her that I am. “I don’t care who Nick goes out with.” Just as long as it’s not Connie, but I don’t say that, obviously.
“Anyway,” she goes on, “you should’ve seen him, Aud, you won’t believe how much he’s changed.” Oh, I will, Tina, I will. “He’s shaved his hair, grown a goatee. He’s even had his teeth done. Phwoar, he was just dripping with sex appeal.” Oh God, please make her stop.
