Page 75 of No Way Back


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“She doesn’t know what it is,” Fearne complained, “I told you to buy her something from The Body Shop!”

“Of course, she does,” Stacey laughed, giving me a hesitant glance, “don’t be stupid.”

“Yes, I do, I do,” I lied, clearing my throat, “it’s an…um… a jewellery stand.” I glanced quickly at Fearne, her face dropped. “Isn’t it?”

Stacey reached out, lips pursed, and swivelled the item in my hand. “A candle holder, actually. If you hold it up the right way!”

As expected, they weren’t too impressed with my performance but eventually saw the funny side and blamed it on the Bollinger that Raymond had bought me to toast my forty-two years on this planet.

Dad sneaks a peek over my shoulder as he lifts a few empty plates off the table, face pink and moist. He’s taken off his heavy sweater and rolled up his shirt sleeves. I acknowledge him with a gormless smile, gift in hand, and he grimaces; he knows all about my opening-gifts-in-public phobia. Giving Mum a sly wink, he heads back to the sweaty kitchen where he and George have been working hard all evening, and she grins at him wickedly as she pulls up a chair next to Louise, the smile not fading from her lips. Honestly, you’d think they were newlyweds.

I carefully begin unwrapping the gift, all eyes on me. Oh dear God, the sooner I get this over with the better. I loosen the broad, satin pink ribbons, and they glide off the quality silver paper and pool around the box. It’s so beautifully presented, Tina has a knack for gift wrapping. It always seems such a shame to destroy her work of art.

“I hope you like it.” Tina’s eyes twinkle as she holds her hands in prayer to her lips while doing a little jumpy dance. I hope I like it too. I’m feeling hotter by the second.

“What is it?” Mum leans back as Nathan whacks his twin brother over the head, abandons his Lego bricks and clambers onto her lap, causing Josh to wail at the top of his lungs in protest. “Come on, Audrey, hurry up, don’t keep us all in suspense.”

Mum cringes at the shrill of Vicky’s voice berating Nathan for belting his brother, threatening the naughty step, which has now set him off, too. “There, there, my love,” Mum coos gently, stroking Nathan’s hair, “we’ll put silly Mummy on the naughty step.”

Vicky shoots me an exasperated look as she comforts Josh in her arms. I wish Mum’d stop undermining her like that in front of her own children. She’s only just weaned herself off the antidepressants. We’re supposed to be supporting her.

Armed with his grandmother’s approval, Nathan’s tears quickly dry up and Mum gently rocks her favourite grandson in her arms, ducking as Florian bounds towards her with a Nerf Blaster gun. “Shhhhh,” she calls out to Josh who’s now screaming and flinging Lego bricks across the room, “Auntie’s trying to open her present. And put that thing down, Florian, you’ll have someone’s eye out.”

“Kids, hey,” Tina whispers, glancing quickly at Louise, who’s now joined Vicky on the sofa, “who’d have them?” We grin at each other as a Lego brick smacks her on the side of her head.

“She’s probably bought you a bloody vibrator,” Louise grumbles, arms resting on her knees, flicking through the TV channels. “Why is there never anything frigging decent on the telly?” She tosses the remote control onto the coffee table angrily. “I’m bloody sick of these crap reality shows.” Scrambling to her feet, she climbs over Josh and makes her way towards us. “So, come on, where’s this vibrator?” Tina elbows her on the arm, tilting her head sharply towards Mum. “Sorry, Ruby, slip of the tongue.” Then she covers her mouth and cringes, “Ooops, no pun intended.” A chuckle of drunken laughter slips through her fingers. Oh, God, please make her stop before she makes a complete fool of herself. I try to laugh it off as a shared girlie joke but it doesn’t seem to go down well at all.

“I think you should just shut up,” Tina snaps, hands firmly on her Armani jeans-clad hips, “and don’t have any more of that!” She points at the bottle of Merlot on the table.

“Get lost,” Louise slurs, helping herself to a top-up. “I’m a single woman now. I’ll do as I please.” Lowering Nathan to the ground, Mum raises a disconcerted eyebrow as she gets to her feet. Louise gazes at him longingly, glass in hand, as he totters back to his mum and brother who’re now sitting cross-legged on the floor building a house out of colourful bricks.

I glance at Tina worriedly, tearing off some of the thick wrapping paper. Louise has gone completely off the rails since Gerry walked out on her.

He blamed the breakdown of their marriage on her obsession to have a child. He couldn’t understand why she was so intent on extending their family when all he wanted was a quiet, happy life with the family they already had - and Roxy, of course.

It all kicked off when Gerry packed Francesca and Tommy off to France a few days after our fallout, telling her that the deal was off. No amount of begging or pleading from Louise would make him change his mind. He booked and paid for Francesca’s flight online and even drove her to Heathrow, just to make sure she got on the plane. On his way home he popped in to see me, looking as if he hadn’t slept or changed his clothes for a week. All he kept saying was how sorry he was for lying to me, begged me to give Louise another chance, insisted that she didn’t deliberately set out to deceive me. But I wasn’t prepared to forgive and forget at the time; it was too soon, my wounds were raw. So he left with his tail between his legs.

However, the day after I got back from Paris I woke up with startling clarity and decided I was ready to stop judging and start listening. My unscrupulous night of passion with Ronan and subsequent pregnancy scare made me realise that most of us are guilty of behaving selfishly and irrationally at times, especially when under pressure, because when you strip everything away, we’re all the same really – fallible human beings just trying to do our best. None of us is perfect, we all make mistakes, and forgiveness, not only of others but of oneself, as Vicky keeps reminding me, is a virtue.

To say that Louise was delighted to hear from me when I called her that very afternoon would be an understatement. She and I have been through a lot together over the years. I finally realised how desperate she was to have a family with Gerry, and people do the strangest things when they’re desperate, don’t they? I should know. We had a tearful reconciliation and she promised she’d never pull a stunt like that on me again. The next day Gerry walked out on her with Roxy under one arm and an overnight bag in the other. He told her he’d be staying at Nick’s until he found a place of his own. But Nick said they only stayed the one night, which was just as well because Roxy weed and pooed all over his kitchen floor, chewed his precious remote control and howled all night. The next day Gerry moved in with a female work colleague, a divorcee with two teenage children. Nick said their affair started months ago.

“Well, there are children present, Louise,” Mum says firmly, one hand on her trim hip the other holding a glass of red. “Mind your language please.”

“What’s a vibrator?” Florian shouts, causing Vicky to shoot up from the sofa.

“Florian! How many times have I told you?” Vicky storms over as the doorbell shrills in the background, followed by the sound of heavy footsteps clambering in the hallway.

“Oh wow.” I gaze at Tina’s gift in my hands. “Tina, I don’t know what to say!” I trill as Jess breezes into the room, bottle in hand, filling the air with a heady scent of musk. “This is just amazing.” I hold out a black satin and lace Camisole Set as a synchronised murmur of delight surges around me.

“Aw, do you really like it?” Tina squeals, linking her fingers with mine. Actually, I love it. It looks well made, expensive. “Ronan helped me pick it out for you before he went back to Dublin.”

Vicky gives me a fleeting look over her wine glass.“Reluctantly, obvs, you know what men are like.”

“He’s got good taste,” Vicky says smoothly, glancing at me again. Much as I love my sister-in-law, right now I want to tie her to a chair and gag her.

“Happy Birthday, Aud.” Jess’s cheeks are freezing. “I got you this.” She waves the bottle. “Shall I put it in the fridge?” Glad of the intrusion, I thank her and say it sounds like a wonderful idea. She quickly does the greeting rounds, then disappears into the kitchen.

But Tina’s like a dog with a bone where Ronan is concerned. “I really miss him when he’s away,” she muses, staring dreamily into the distance. Delighted as I am that she and Ronan are giving it another go, I wish she’d just put a sock in it now. “I mean, I know he’s no Tom Hardy but…”

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