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“You can say that again,” Louise mutters and we all gape at her aghast. “What?” she protests, grabbing a fistful of nuts and shoving a few into her mouth, “I’m only saying what everyone else is thinking.” She takes a large glug of wine. “She just said herself that he’s ugly…AND he’s still married.”
Mum and Vicky look at me, startled. I’m not quite sure what they expect me to do. We all know she’s drunk. Louise would never say such nasty, spiteful things if she were sober. She may be bossy and opinionated but she’s not inherently mean. I know she doesn’t mean it. She’ll feel like shit tomorrow morning and call Tina to apologise, I’m certain of it. And besides, Ronan is attractive, in his own way, and he and Catherine have already started divorce proceedings. It’ll be finalised in a few months.
“Anyway,” Tina continues, ignoring Louise, “I really feel like we’ve got a connection, do you know what I mean?” We all smile at her like proud aunties, our heads bobbing in synchronisation, including Mum who assures her that beauty is in the eye of the beholder and that Ronan is a fine-looking lad.
“Thank you, Ruby.”
“We aim to please.” Mum salutes her with her glass. “Just make sure he’s divorced before any jiggy-jiggy takes place.” Tina grins at me while Louise snorts with faked laughter. Mum really doesn’t know Tina well at all, does she?
“Oooh, wait,” Tina says suddenly, “I got you a gift receipt. It’s here somewhere, erm…” She rummages through the pile of silver paper strewn on the table, “Here it is.” I take the receipt from her hand. “In case you want to take it back.”
“Agent Provocateur,” I exclaim, “this must’ve cost you a fortune.”
“Oh, you’re worth it, Hun, and don’t worry, Ronan put it on his card.” She hunches her shoulders at me and giggles with delight. Oh, bloody hell. I feel like the worse friend in the world. I hold her gaze. Is there really any point in telling her about our stupid, ridiculous, pathetic one-night stand? I open my mouth. And then close it again. No, it’ll only burst her bubble, and what’s the point in that? “Oh, come here.” She squeezes me in her arms. Over her shoulder, I catch sight of Vicky widening her eyes at me knowingly. I glare at her. If she carries on giving me looks every time Tina mentions Ronan she’ll make someone suspicious.
“Hmm,” Mum grumbles, feeling the fabric of the camisole, “pity there’s no man in your life to appreciate it.”
“Appreciate what?” George springs into the room, hot and flustered, holding two platters of canapés and munching on a sausage roll. “Oooh, very nice, sis, but Mum’s right.” His eyes flick from me to Vicky. “You two are about the same size, aren’t you?” If only.
I give George a thump on the arm, almost knocking the tray out of his hand. “Ouch, I was only saying.” Josh starts crying the moment he sees his father. George rushes over, crouches down and starts building bricks with his sons.
“Oh, Mum,” I whine, “Daniel and I are having a break, that’s all.” Daniel and I have split up but Mum doesn’t need to know yet because the moment she finds out, she’ll nag me to death. I buckled outside the public toilets at Gare de Nord station and confessed my betrayal in a flurry of tears. He took it as expected and we both agreed that I wasn’t ready for a new relationship.
Our train journey home was in stony-faced silence. At King’s Cross, we parted without as much as a hug. He could barely look at me. I walked off the platform, teary-eyed and deflated like a worn out, used balloon, wondering if I’d just made the biggest mistake of my life.
When I checked his Facebook status the next day he’d already changed it to ‘Single’. I thought that was it, I’d never hear from him again. But then about a week ago a text pinged through – he’d told Connie about her real mother. Subsequent texts confirmed that Connie already knew that Aliki wasn’t her birth mother, after all. The little minx got to the envelope shortly before I did and set me up!
“Connie didn’t buy my excuse that her birth certificate was destroyed, and went on a secret rampage in my flat,” Daniel said when I called him for a proper chat later that morning. There’s only so much you can articulate in a text, isn’t there? And I was curious to find out all the gory details. “I was seeing a client that morning,” he continued, “so she knew that the coast was clear. She found the documents hidden in the drawer under a pile of t-shirts.”
Naturally, she was devastated and shocked to discover that Aliki wasn’t her real mum. Too anxious to confront him or Aliki, she masterminded a plan that would make them approach her. And that’s where gullible ol’ me came in. She booked the delivery, roped me in and, knowing how weak my bladder is, piled me with enough liquid to bring on hyponatremia before setting me loose in Daniel’s apartment. Daniel said she’d gone to the flat just after Pranvera left; removed the toilet paper from the guest cloakroom, forcing me into his en-suite, and then jammed a sleeve in the drawer, placing the envelope next to it. Her plan was that I’d spot it (which I did) and, aware of the fact that I can’t stand seeing things out of place (which I can’t), go over and tuck it back in (which is exactly what I did). I’m transparent, I know, so shoot me.
“Pure genius,” Daniel said proudly, “she could work for MI5.” That girl can really do no wrong in his eyes, can she? “I’m really sorry I accused you of snooping, Audrey,” he went on, “but you can appreciate how it seemed, can’t you?” I said that I completely understood and to forget it. That it is all in the past and I was glad that they’d sorted it all out. And that was the end of that.
“A break?” Mum says, unconvinced, “I’m surprised he’s talking to you given that you turned down his marriage proposal.” She shakes her head. “A great catch like that.”
“Well, I can’t marry a man I barely know, Mum, can I?”
“You do realise that you’re forty-two today, Audrey, and not twenty-two.”
“Yes, thank you, Mother,” I say flatly, “for reminding me.”
“You look great, Audrey,” Vicky smiles, brushing past me, “take no notice.”
“Stunning, babe,” Tina adds, “and thirty is the new forty, anyway.”
“She’s forty-two,” Louise remarks. “Oh, what’s a couple of years?”
Mum shakes her head as they continue to squabble over my age. “Handsome, successful, reliable. Honest. What more do you want?” Honest? If she only knew how he’d deceived his own daughter all these years.
“Oh, Mum, just drop it, will you. We’re supposed to be celebrating my birthday, in case you’d forgotten.”
“You’re unbelievable, Audrey,” she mutters, walking away, “just unbelievable.”
“She’s not past it yet, Ruby,” Louise says to Mum’s back, “any bloke would be lucky to have her.” I lay a hand on her arm affectionately. I’m so glad she’s back in my life. “Any news from Nick?” she asks softly amongst all the chaos, her demeanour suddenly sober.
“Yes,” I say hesitatingly, “he called this morning to wish me a happy birthday.” And to tell me that he still loves me, but I don’t want to tell her that.
I’m not going to lie, I still care about Nick. A lot. But things can never be the same between us. The dynamics have changed. He’s a dad now. There’s no room for me in his life anymore. And I can’t play second fiddle to his child. I’ve been there and done that.
