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The butterflies are rampant right now.
‘You should have seen me yesterday. I brushed my hair and everything.’ I grin.
‘You’re absolutely right.’
‘Oh? I think that’s the first time you’ve admitted that I’m right, Joe. I mean, I do know that I’m always right but can you tell me why on this particular occasion?’
‘I should have seen you yesterday. I was about to drive to Cornwall when I got the call from Dad,’ Joe says, looking slightly sheepish.
‘You were coming to the wedding?’ I ask, hearing the tension in my voice.
‘I’d been prepping for the York meeting and from nowhere I thought: “What am I doing? I should be in Cornwall with Sophie.” Because the truth is I don’t really want to leave Bristol and I just … I feel like we’ve been dancing around each other for too long now. You’ve had a lot to deal with and I’ve been brooding over stuff that I didn’t need to. I think you already know how I feel but I wanted to tell you properly. I was coming to Cornwall because I had to ask if there is even just the slimmest chance that …’ He pauses, steps closer, inches away from me now. Our fingertips have steepled together.
And I realise that it’s now or never. Right here in the hospital café. No birdsong. No candlelight. Just a coffee machine whirring into action as the backdrop for me to tell Joe that I love him.
Because I do love Joe. Of course I do! I think about how much fun we had on the drive to Wales for Tally’s birthday and how he came even though the other mums overwhelmed him, because he knew what their friendship meant to me. The times he has stood up for me. The times he’s made me laugh. The times he’s listened to me bang on and on about how I don’t want a partner in my life while all the while, he had feelings for me. The way he’s so sweet with my daughter. The way his curly hair falls down over his eyes and he has to brush it off his face every few moments. The way he looks at me like there’s no one else in the room.
I’ve loved him for months.
‘I came here to tell you that I love you,’ I say, the words finally flooding out. ‘I love you with every tiny fibre of my being. When you’re around it’s like someone switched the light on. I don’t want you to move to stupid York because everyone knows it’s a dreadful dump and—’
‘York is lovely,’ the cashier, clearly eavesdropping, butts in.
Joe bites back a smile.
‘York is all right,’ I concede, moving my hand to his chest. My fingers graze the buttons on his shirt. ‘Joe, for so long I’ve been convinced that my life was whole. And I did such a good job at it that I didn’t see what was staring me in the face. You. The truth is, you make my life whole. A piece of me has been missing ever since you said you were leaving and I don’t want to feel like that anymore. What I want is for us to be together, to raise our crazy kids together.’
Joe exhales. ‘That will be a lot of admin,’ he says with a smile.
‘I know.’ I grin back. ‘I’ll love it.’
‘Are you proposing a future spent synching calendars and filling out spreadsheets together?’ He’s very close to laughing now.
‘Stop, you’re turning me on.’
‘Joint filing system,’ he murmurs with a grin that makes me want to peel all of my clothes off. ‘Fresh Post-its. Highlighter pens.’
‘Only you could make admin chat erotic,’ I whisper, realising I’m still holding the packet of condoms and stuffing them into my bag.
‘Only you could make me want to.’ Joe leans in so close I can feel the warmth of his breath on my skin.
‘Just to return to my original point,’ I say, now slightly breathless. ‘I would like to give you my whole heart, if you’ll have it?’ My gaze tracks up to meet Joe’s. His eyes are like warm pools of water on a sunny day. I want to dive in.
‘Was it two flat whites, then?’ asks the cashier.
A wide smile spreads across Joe’s face.
‘Yes, please,’ he says, his gaze still firmly holding mine.
‘Yes, please, to the flat whites or yes, please, to taking my whole heart?’ I ask.
‘Both, actually.’
My heart is pumping so hard I feel like it might break through my chest wall. I’m ashamed to say that I do not answer when the by now truly bored cashier asks if we want any snacks.
‘Sophie.’ Joe’s voice is husky, eyes tracing my face.
‘Yes?’ I whisper. The magnetic pull of his presence makes it almost impossible for me to speak. I want to get extremely naked extremely quickly because we have waited long enough for this now.
