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We continue walking. After a while I say, ‘What we’re saying is that we’re both crushing it in the parent department, right?’
He laughs.
Making Joe laugh gives me a buzzy feeling that’s sort of addictive.
‘Oh, absolutely nailing it. Now how will we even get our massive heads back into the classroom for this meeting?’ He grins and takes my hand as we arrive at St Barnaby’s.
We walk in to find the other mums clustered in a group and I can sense Joe tense up, so I put a steadying arm on his back and flash him a reassuring smile.
‘Hello, Joe,’ Celeste calls, heading straight for us but completely ignoring me. It transpires that she wants to use the schoolroom’s whiteboard for tonight’s meeting but it’s in the wrong corner of the class. She could wheel it over herself, but she’s gone for a pastel tip manicure which apparently rules out any kind of physical labour for the next few days.
‘Douglas had to change one of Otto’s nappies this morning. Can you imagine?’ she titters. Joe’s face gets stormier by the minute.
Frankie has called me over and mutters sarcastically: ‘A father actively taking part in the rearing of his own child? Can you imagine?!’
Meanwhile Celeste keeps up her monologue and Joe lugs the whiteboard around. ‘Douglas isn’t big on all the nappy and baby stuff. He’s better when the kids are older. How do we plug this in?’
I find an extension lead behind Mrs Flowers’s desk and hand it to Celeste. She gives me A Look.
‘Oh, didn’t see you there. Hello, Sophie. Now Joe, how do I get my laptop linked up?’
Dear god. Joe wraps up his apparent new job as IT Support slash General Dogsbody and we grab seats next to Frankie.
‘I like your necklace,’ Frankie says appreciatively.
‘Thank you!’ I reply, chuffed with the compliment. It’s a simple gold chain with an L on it. ‘I bought it not long after Lila was born.’
‘You always look so put together. I’ve often wondered how I could be more Sophie.’
I’m slightly taken aback by this. ‘What? You always look so cool and colourful. I’m like …’ but Celeste clears her throat, making it clear that we need to stop talking immediately.
‘Firstly, let’s all welcome a new member of the group, our very own Joe,’ Celeste says with a smile.
Frankie grabs my arm and thrusts it in the air.
‘And Sophie,’ she adds, giving my hand a good wave.
I look around with a smile and get some back which feels good.
‘Mmm,’ says Celeste with pursed lip. What is up with her? ‘Welcome Joe and Sophie. Now, we are very low on volunteers for the theatre trip. Joe, I thought this could be a good fit for you and me. As head of English Literature at the university you could really help to instil some enthusiasm into the children about the whole experience.’
Joe looks like a rabbit in the headlights.
He’s probably wondering, like I am, how enthusiastic four- and five-year-olds can possibly get about the literary canon.
‘And of course I’ll be there too, you know how much I love the theatre,’ Celeste continues. I try not to grind my teeth every time she pronounces it the-EH-tah. ‘Dear Douglas took me to the Sydney Opera House when we first started dating and I’ve been a keen theatre-goer ever since. Can you clear a space in your diary, Joe?’
Joe’s making noncommittal noises so I step in.
‘I can definitely make it, Celeste. I love the theatre.’
Celeste tips her head to one side. ‘I’m not sure you’re a great fit, Sophie? This is a real literary adventure for the children and if I remember rightly, you have a more corporate background?’
‘Actually Sophie’s background isn’t all corporate.’ Joe finds his voice. ‘She set up a successful business building brands and spotting market niches. You’re making her sound like a number cruncher. Not that there’s anything wrong with number crunchers, but that’s not where Sophie’s skills sit. Plus we’re talking about taking a bunch of five-year-olds to see a stage show called Grumpy Dog and the Great Big Bone Fight. It’s hardly Chaucer.’
I try not to laugh.
‘Young minds’, Celeste says dramatically, ‘require a steady hand. Thanks for offering, Sophie, but with Joe on board we’ve hit our quota. You can do the next one. Now, I know it’s only March but we do need to get to grips with sports day.’
