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Chapter 14
‘How romantic is this situation, on a scale of one to ten?’ I ask, helping myself to a handful of Joe’s popcorn. The lights have just dimmed and we’re settling into a good twenty minutes of adverts before the actual film begins.
I turn to look at my date, his face lit up with the glow of the big screen. I’ve noticed that Joe’s got a bright smile and he shares it often. You can’t help but smile back when it’s directed at you.
He mulls over my question, making I’m-thinking-about-it noises.
‘Did somebody TRUMP?’ booms Sidney into the now quiet cinema.
Joe looks at me over the top of his son’s head. ‘I’d say one out of ten?’ he suggests wryly.
‘Ha ha Sidney said trump,’ Lila snorts, her teeth covered in chocolate from the packet of Maltesers she’s already finished. I hand her a wet wipe and kiss her mop of blond curls, then immediately retract because selfishly I do not want her to get chocolate all over the cream broderie anglaise top I decided to wear today. What fool wears off-white on a day out with two kids? I wonder. Perhaps Tally has been rubbing off on me?
‘POOP,’ offers Sidney.
‘STINK!’ Lila bellows.
While the kids exchange a litany of apparently hilarious toilet vernacular, I’m disappointed by the fact that the fake date for two we’d initially planned became a family trip for four – but life has been so busy lately, it felt impossible to avoid. It’s been weeks since we wine and cheesed at the PTA and now, with April on the horizon, Joe and I decided we had to squeeze another date in somehow. We’ve both been working our asses off and with the Barnaby’s Babes night out and Tally’s birthday weekend on the horizon, neither of us wanted to ask our family to babysit again.
So here we are. On a date with Lila and Sid.
‘So much for the sexy romcom I’d been hoping for,’ Joe laments across the top of our kids’ heads.
‘I thought we were planning a horror?’
‘You’re still in dire need of love lessons, Sophie. You called me bro at the school gates the other day.’
‘What’s wrong with that?’
‘How about babe?’
I scoff.
Joe gives me a stern look.
‘Come on!’ I protest. ‘We’re doing brilliantly already. I think everyone’s bought it by now.’
‘Bought what?’ Sid looks up.
Bugger.
‘Bought … snacks! For the film!’ I suggest.
He nods sagely and I feel like a bit of a swine. The rest of the cinema is still reverberating with laughter after Sidney’s loud announcement re flatulence earlier, which isn’t surprising as we’re watching a U-rated film about a superhero dinosaur, on a Saturday morning in an out-of-town shopping centre, and the room is filled with four-year-olds.
‘How’ve you been?’ asks Joe.
‘Good thanks.’ I nod.
‘No more getting drunk on school nights with colleagues, then?’ he teases.
‘I’ve been practically saintly since,’ I say, pressing my hands together in an angel pose. ‘I’ve been doing a great detox, actually. No booze, a lot of fermented food. Have you tried kefir? It’ll change your life, Joe.’
Joe gives me a look. ‘Sounds pretty shite to me. I find a nice cold beer at the end of a long day is just the ticket.’
‘Well, I feel sorry for your microbiome.’
‘My microbiome thanks you for the concern but would like it to be known that it’s perfectly happy as is.’ He grins, and I find myself chuckling in response.
