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‘We’ve actually got that on the agenda for our next meeting,’ I tell Dad. Still, Akoni affably pushes his shirtsleeves back and pulls a chair up next to my father.
Lila and Sid decide to head back outside while we wait for our puddings. Meanwhile Poppy’s eyes are trained on Akoni like a black widow eyeing up her next meal. ‘I need to wrap my hands around those biceps,’ she says, tongue all but hanging out.
‘Why don’t you run some cold water on your pulse points to cool down?’
‘Can’t. I don’t want to miss a second.’
Normally, this would be the point where Joe and I catch each other’s eye and share a moment but as I look over at him, expecting him to pull a little ‘what’s your sister like?’ face, I find that he’s already looking at me. When I meet his gaze, he quickly looks away. I’m genuinely disappointed at this, which catches me by surprise. He’s clearly not happy about something – maybe he’s annoyed about the friends with benefits chat? I fiddle with my cutlery and decide that I’ve never been one to let things fester. If there’s an atmosphere, I’ll face it, so I scoot over to Joe’s side of the table.
Dad and Akoni are locked in menu discussions, Poppy’s being a pervert and hanging on every word Akoni says and Mum is fretting about Dad saying the wrong thing. Reassured that they are otherwise occupied, I ask: ‘Is something wrong?’
‘Truth be told, I don’t know.’
‘You seem a little off with me.’
‘Well … I guess so. Maybe now’s not the time to talk about it?’
‘We could go and order some drinks, get a bit of space?’
Somewhat reluctantly, Joe agrees and we walk to the bar area together.
‘Have I done something to upset you?’
Joe chews on his lip for a moment, elbows on the vast mahogany bar. ‘No, it’s not that. It’s just that we haven’t spoken about, you know, that kiss we had and it’s been playing on my mind …’
Of course. Argh.
Joe picks up a drinks menu and carries on. ‘I just … it caught me by surprise and … I mentioned it the next day, right? But then Olivia turned up with those coffees and the whole work thing happened for you and of course you needed to deal with that. I get that. But it’s been, what, a week now? And I’m still feeling confused.’
It’s fair to say I’ve been feeling confused too but what we don’t need right now is two people who haven’t got a clue what’s going on.
‘We do need to talk about it,’ I agree. ‘And I’m sorry if you feel like I’ve brushed it under the carpet this past week, that honestly wasn’t my intention.’
‘I figured with Mylk It and Mark back in your head, I didn’t matter,’ he says, looking downcast.
‘No! That’s not it at all. You do matter! It’s just that with everything else going on I thought maybe we could just bury it.’
Joe winces at that and I immediately start to backtrack. ‘God, sorry, that sounded a bit harsh. The kiss was a weird thing to happen, right? Frankie was absolutely insisting that we kiss and I genuinely could not think of a reason not to—’
‘Wait, what?’
‘Remember? I was trying to apologise to you when I came up? Before it happened?’
‘I couldn’t hear you properly,’ Joe says. ‘All I heard was “demanding a kiss” and the next thing I knew we actually were, you know. I thought you … wanted to.’
OH GOD.
The bartender, sensing we’re in the middle of a deep discussion, gives us a few more minutes.
‘Right. I didn’t not want to but also … Urgh, I don’t know, it’s not as simple as that.’ How do I explain this? Obviously I can’t tell him I enjoyed the kiss because I need to squash those feelings. Trample them down like long grass under foot. I don’t need a man. I’m happy as I am – that’s what I said when I started this thing. But hearing the words come out of my mouth like this is excruciating. Sorry for kissing you because my friend told me to! It meant nothing!
‘Frankie and the mums were getting worked up and I didn’t feel like there was another option,’ I end up saying feebly.
Joe nods slowly. ‘Okay. No, that makes sense.’ Is it me or does he seem crestfallen? ‘I get it now.’
I eye him warily. ‘Are we okay?’
‘Yep,’ he says. ‘You wanna just chalk it up as a weird moment and get back to normal?’
