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I’m so relieved I nudge his side body with my right arm.
‘Yes please.’
‘All right then,’ he says, his face brightening. He’s not displaying the most dazzling Joe Kitson smile I’ve ever seen, I think as I call over the bartender and put in our order. In fact, I might even suggest it was on the half-hearted side.
I’m wondering if I should double check that he’s definitely okay when Joe nudges me back.
‘A horse walks into a bar …’ he says.
‘Oh my god! Are you suggesting I’ve got a long face?’
‘Never. Come on, let’s go deliver these drinks.’
Hmm. If the terrible dad jokes have made a return, he must be all right, I decide. And once we get back at the table to find that Mum has now reached nuclear levels of despair, there’s enough going on to distract us from any more awkwardness.
‘Sophie, for goodness sake, say something,’ Mum implores. ‘Your father is still talking about steak and kidney pie to Samoa’s top try scorer.’ Dad has drawn a picture of a pie on the back of his napkin.
I settle down between the two of them and grab a menu. ‘You know, we could save ourselves the Zoom and talk shop now?’
Akoni looks pleased to have been rescued. ‘Go ahead.’
‘So I think Dad’s not entirely off the mark. The Sunday menu is perfect but the midweek options are very trend-led. I’m all for the Korean-inspired food, the sharing plates … they’ll be a huge draw but a classics section might prove popular.’
‘Spotted dick,’ Dad says wistfully.
Akoni’s not sure what to make of this.
‘Yes, thanks, Dad. Just a handful of crowd-pleasers could really appeal, particularly for multigenerational diners like us.’
‘I would be all over your banana split, Akoni,’ Poppy murmurs from the other end of the table.
‘Poppy!’ That was Mum. I bite my lip. Joe stuffs his hand into his mouth to stop from laughing. I catch his eye and end up having to do the same.
‘Oh yes, with a bit of custard?’ suggests poor, oblivious Dad.
Akoni’s making a show of clearing his throat and I don’t think I’ve ever seen such a huge man look so flustered.
‘Maybe we should carry on this conversation another time, after all. Perhaps when we’re not being interrupted by lunatics?’ I suggest.
Grateful for the escape route, Akoni scurries off back to work.
‘Sweet boy,’ Mum says later when we’re leaving the pub. ‘Not as sweet as Joe though. He’s so good with my Lila.’
‘Yeah, he is,’ I say, watching as he straps the kids into his car. ‘Pop, want a lift back to Bris?’
‘I’m staying at the mothership tonight,’ she says. ‘Should we pop back here for a nightcap, Mum?’
‘Imagine, using your own mother to seduce poor Akoni!’ Mum protests. ‘Come on, I’m doing cheese and biscuits for supper.’
Before she gets into my parent’s car, Poppy grabs my hand. ‘Mum’s right. Joe is sweet. I’m really happy for you both.’
My throat catches as I say: ‘Thank you, Pop.’
Chapter 18
Tally’s birthday weekend fast approaches and it’s safe to say I’m super excited at the prospect of a minibreak. I have time away with some actual friends I’ve made, I think happily as I lay outfit options on my bed. The last minibreak I went on was to a French chateau with Mark. We’d been having a typically hectic time with the business and finally managed to free up two nights for a trip away. I bought new lingerie for the occasion and packed only my slinkiest things, imagining that we’d spend the entire time champagne tasting and bonking. But of course I’d forgotten that neither of us worked well without a schedule and Mark ended up booking activity after activity. Even the champagne tasting itself didn’t quite go to plan, I was too drunk and gassy to cavort around in the new undies.
Good news: I can be as drunk and gassy as I want this weekend! What a relief. In fact, packing for this trip is a dream. I fold up my favourite baggy T-shirt to sleep in and put it in my bag.
