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“She’s having my kid, but she’s not the love of my life. I hate it. I hate that it’s not you. However, I don’t hate her or my unborn child. This is a clusterfuck of epic proportions, but that doesn’t change how I feel about you. I love you, Mara. You and Finley, you’re my family. We’re just adding to it.”
I wait. Holding my breath for her to tell me what’s on her mind. Her eyes well with tears as they begin to slip over her cheeks. “I love you. I’ve never known a love like what I feel for you. I don’t want to lose you, but I will step back. I would understand if you needed to focus more on Amelia and the baby. She’s my best friend, and you… you’re the love of my life, and this is so messed up. I’m losing her, and now I’m so afraid that I’m losing you too.”
“What? Baby, no. You’re not losing me. Never. I know this mess is twisted and complicated, but we’ll make it through this.” Please, God, let us make it through this. I send up the silent prayer, but then it hits me. What if she doesn’t want to do this with me? “Mara?” I cradle her cheek in the palm of my hand, her tears soaking into my skin. “Tell me you’re in this with me. That you’re not going anywhere.” I pause and try to find the words I need to say. “Tell me.” I swallow the lump that is lodged in my throat. “Tell me you’re willing to raise this baby with me?” I ask, choking on my own emotions. Tears burn my eyes as I wait with bated breath for her reply.
“What?” she whispers.
“The mother of my unborn child has terminal cancer. You are my heart, my whole heart. Tell me I’m not going to lose you over this.”
“No. Of course not. I just don’t want to keep you from—” she starts, but I kiss her.
A quick, chaste kiss.
“I need you in my life, Mara. This is a surreal twist of fate, but I want you by my side as we make our way through this rocky sea.”
“Okay.”
“Okay?”
She nods. “I was so scared of losing you. That maybe feelings you didn’t know you had would surface.”
“Not at all. I love her as a friend and now as the mother of my child, but that love doesn’t come close to the love I have for you. We’re going to fight through this.”
“She has a list.” Mara wipes at her eyes and hands it to me. “I want to make it happen for her. All of it.”
I skim through the list. “Marriage?” I ask, eyebrows raised.
“Well, maybe not that one, but the baby part, you did that, so who knows. It’s not entirely impossible.”
My eyes read through the list one more time. “I need to call the guys. We’re going to make this list happen for her.”
“Are you going to tell them? About the baby I mean?”
“Shit.” I rake my fingers through my hair. “Yeah, they don’t know about that night. This is going to be a shock to all of them.”
“Amelia should be here for that conversation.”
“I agree. How long until we have to pick up Finny?”
She glances at the clock. “I told Sonia I would be there by four.”
“Good. We have some time. I want to hold you.” Standing with her in my arms, I make my way to our bedroom and carefully set her on the bed. Stripping out of my jeans and hoodie, I climb in bed behind her, pulling her to my chest. “I love you, Mara.”
“I love you too.”
I don’t sleep, but she does, just like I knew she would. Exhaustion was written all over her face. There are too many things bouncing around in my head to rest properly. I have a baby on the way, and I’m going to be a dad. I’ve got some things to work out.
After I tell the guys.
Chapter Sixteen
Mara 16
* * *
I wake to the sound of laughter that I know is my daughter. Glancing at the clock, I see it’s after five. I didn’t mean to sleep that long. The emotional roller coaster of the day took it out of me. Throwing off the covers, I make a quick stop to the restroom before making my way down the hall toward the sound of my daughter’s laughter.
“Sef.” Finley giggles.
“Look,” he says, spotting me and pointing over her shoulder. “Mommy’s awake.”
“Mommy!” Finley scrambles to her feet and comes rushing toward me.
I bend down to catch her. “Hey, sweetie. Did you have fun at Sonia’s today?”
“Nugs.” She points to the Chick-fil-A bag on the table.
“I called the guys. They’re going to be here at seven. My parents are taking her out for ice cream, so I thought I should feed her first.”
“Dinner before dessert is always a good idea,” I say, walking into the living room with Finley in my arms. I sit on the couch, and she slides off my lap and settles onto the floor beside Seth. “Did you tell them?”
“No. Not yet. I wanted to do it in person. I asked Kent to stay a little while once my parents bring her back so I can sit them down and tell them. I wanted you to be there with me. He didn’t ask questions, but considering everything that’s been going on, he probably just thinks we need some time together.”
“Okay.”
“You get rested?”
“I did. I’m sorry I crashed like that.”
“Nah, we’re a team. Besides, I needed some Finny time.”
“Bite.” Finley holds up a chicken nugget that she bit into.
“How are you going to grow big and strong if I eat your chicken nuggets?”
“I eat,” she says, taking a big bite.
“Good girl. You have to eat it all if you want ice cream.”
She nods, swallows, and takes another bite. “I do,” she says with her mouth full of chicken. I know I should correct her, but I let it go.
“You should try to eat something.” Seth hands me a small package that I know contains my favorite chicken sandwich before taking one for himself.
Finley chatters as she eats, filling the silence between us. Seth watches her intently like she’s the most precious gift in his life. Soon, there will be another baby for us to love. My heart squeezes painfully in my chest. I can’t believe my best friend is dying of cancer, and she’s pregnant with my boyfriend’s baby. Talk about a cruel twist of fate. But that’s life. It’s unexpected and unpredictable. You have to learn to roll with the punches and take it one day at a time.
“I done,” Finley says, the same time there’s a knock at the door.
“I think that might be Mamaw and Papaw. Think we should let them in?” Seth asks Finley.
“Yay!” She scrambles to her feet and races for the door.
“Hold up, Finny. Don’t open that door until I get there!” Seth yells, climbing to his feet and following her. “Hey, come on in.” He greets his parents.
Slowly, I stand, and I know there is no use fretting over how I look. It
’s been a long, emotionally exhausting day. So instead, I meet them in the foyer and paste on my best smile, which isn’t hard when Finley’s sitting on Steve’s hip talking his ear off about ice cream.
“Hi.” I wave, and Seth immediately comes to me and slides his arm around my waist.
“It’s nice to see you, dear.” Shannon greets me with a smile that could warm the darkest of souls.
Finley and I are so lucky to have them in our lives. We have Amelia to thank for that. I swallow hard, fighting back the emotions that threaten to break free. “You too. Thank you for taking her.” I manage to speak past the tears that are threatening to fall.
“We enjoy our time with her. We’ll be back in a little while.” Shannon steps in and wraps her arms around me. “We’re here for you,” she whispers.
“Thank you.” I give her a sad smile. She thinks I’m upset about Amelia, and I am. I’m also sad for her. I’m not mad about the baby. How could I be? It was before Seth and I were more than just two people who met one time and shared a few messages. Okay, more than a few, but I was there, he was here, and neither one of us ever expressed that we were interested in taking things further than just friendly conversation. Now, here we are and although I’m glad that it’s me, because I know I will never let a day go by that this baby doesn’t know how amazing his or her mother is, my heart is breaking that my best friend won’t get to see her baby grow up. She’ll miss all the firsts. I’m having a hard time dealing with that.
“Mara.” Seth bends his knees to look me in the eyes. “You okay?”
I blink hard and realize it’s now just the two of us standing by the front door. “Yeah, sorry, I just kind of spaced out.”
“It’s fine. I know this is a lot to ask of you.” He runs his fingers through his locks. “Fuck, I hate that this is happening, that we’re in this situation, but what she said makes sense. Right? I mean, I’ve been thinking about it, and a baby is a miracle no matter what, and as unconventional as this might be, this gives her something to live for.”
