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“They’re on their way here.”
“Of course they are. Let me visit with Finley, and then you can go. Leave Mara. She doesn’t stare.”
I can’t hide my grin. If she’s feisty, she’s feeling better. Last week was the Fourth of July and the twenty-five-week mark of her pregnancy. We had a get together at our place, and the girls surprised her with a baby shower. It’s early on, but they wanted her to be in good health to participate, and we can all see this disease and the pregnancy are taking a toll on her.
The guys helped me paint the nursery, and together, she and Mara set it up. Mara and I needed to be ready for when he’s born, for raising him, and we wanted her to be as involved as possible. It was a tearful day for all of us, but together as a family, we got through it.
“Have you thought of anymore names?”
She sighs, and I know I have her. “Yeah, what do you think about Ryder?”
“Ryder Jennings,” I repeat aloud. “Sounds badass.” I grin at her.
“Yeah?” Her eyes, although tired, light up at my acceptance.
“Yeah, I’m digging it. Middle name?” I ask.
“You can say no, but I was thinking my last name for his middle name. You know, something of me that’s always with him.”
I nod. I have to fight hard to not show her my pain, knowing that she’s not going to see him grow up. “Ryder Anderson Jennings.” Standing from my chair, I walk to stand beside her bed and place my hand on her belly. Leaning in close, I whisper—my words only for my son, “I love you, buddy. Daddy can’t wait to meet you.”
When I look up, Amelia has streams of tears covering her cheeks. “I’m glad it was you, Seth. I know I sound like a broken record, but it’s true. I need you to know that. I’m glad someone up there was looking out for me and had the stars align to make it you. I can’t imagine what I would be feeling right now if this baby, if his father was some stranger or a random hook-up. I can’t imagine the fear of not knowing that he will always be loved and taken care of.”
“We would have never let that happen, any of us.”
“I know that.” She gives me a half smile. “But it sure makes it a hell of a lot easier not having to worry. I know he’s going to be safe, loved, and, most of all, that you’ll never let him forget me. That eases my soul, Seth. I know you think that this cancer has hardened me and, in a way, it has, but in others, it’s brought me peace.” She closes her eyes, and I think she’s going to nap like she should be when she continues to speak.
“In college, I went to this party and had too much to drink. Mara, she didn’t want to go as she had to work that night and said she was too tired. I begged her to come after she got off work, and because she’s the amazing friend that she is, she agreed.” She pauses for a long time, then starts again. “I remember being hot, so hot from a combination of too much alcohol and all the bodies that were at the frat party. I knew she was on her way, so I made my way to the porch for some air. Only when I got there, I wasn’t the first with that idea, so I kept walking, down the steps and around the side of the house. It was dark and cool, and the sound of the music from inside seeped outside, filling the night air. That’s why I didn’t hear him coming. Some guy—I’d never met him before—he came on fast and strong, pushing me up against the house, smashing his body into mine. The alcohol slowed my reflexes, and he had me pinned before I realized what was happening.”
“No,” I breathe. Her eyes open and she shakes her head.
“No. Mara, she saved me. Somehow over the music and the noise of the party, she heard me scream as she was approaching the house. She yelled for help, and a couple of the guys who were on the porch came running. They pulled him off me, and I slid to the ground. I remember Mara dropping to her knees next to me and pulling me into her. Later she told me the guys beat the hell out of him.”
“Thank God,” I murmur.
“You see, Mara and I, we’ve been through a lot. Not two months later, she found out she was pregnant with Finley. I was her roommate and volunteered my help until Blake came back, only he never came back. He never knew about the incredible little girl. We’ve been through it all, Mara and I, and to know she’s the one who will be helping you raise our son, that makes my heart smile, Seth. I know I keep repeating myself, but life, the timeline of events, they happen for a reason, and here we are full circle. You’re one of my oldest and dearest friends; we’re having a baby. A night neither of us remember resulted in a miracle I never thought would happen. Then you marry my best friend. It’s fate, and I need you to understand that I’m at peace with it. Does it suck? Absolutely, but the knowledge that he’s going to be safe, happy, and loved, that a part of me will live on with my family, that’s a rare gift that many in my situation never receive. I look at it as a blessing in disguise.”
I wipe at my eyes. What am I supposed to say to all that? Thankfully, my phone rings and I don’t have to, at least not right away.
“Hey, babe.”
“Hi, are you still at the hospital?” Mara asks.
“Yeah.”
“I’m on my way. I’m picking up a milkshake. Hopefully she can drink some of it. Do you want one?”
“No, I’m good. Thanks, though.”
“I packed up some scrapbook stuff we can work on for a few hours if she feels up to it. She’s making one for the baby.”
I’d assumed that was the case. “Be safe. Do you have Finny?”
“No.” She chuckles. “Your mom called and said she was trying to make cookies but couldn’t do it without Finley’s help. I just dropped her off.”
“Sounds like Mom. All right, I’ll see you in a few. Love you.”
“Love you too.”
I wait for the line to go dead before sliding my phone back into my pocket. Looking up, I find Amelia with a dopey smile on her face. “I’ll make sure he never forgets you.”
She nods. “Make sure he sees that love you have for Mara. I want him to be a man who’s not afraid of love but runs toward it. Make sure he’s one of the good ones, just like his daddy and his uncles.”
“This sucks,” I say, taking in a deep breath as tears threaten to fall.
“It does,” she agrees, closing her eyes. We’re both quiet as we let ourselves get lost in our thoughts. “Seth,” she whispers.
“Yeah?”
“Stop staring.”
I can’t help but laugh at her. It wasn’t my intention to stare, but I’d been lost in thought. Since it was in her direction, I have no argument. “Nah, I’m good.” I chuckle, and if her eyes were open, I know she’d be rolling them.
“Knock, knock,” Mara says a few minutes later. She pushes open the door holding two milkshakes in her hands. “Peanut butter,” she says, setting the milkshake in front of Amelia before coming to sit next to me. Leaning in, I kiss her lips because if my wife is near, I need to be as close to her as I can get.
“What’s in the bag?” Amelia asks, taking a small sip of her milkshake.
That makes Mara smile. “I brought some stuff to work on.”
“You don’t have to sit with me. You have a little girl and a husband who’s annoying as hell.” Amelia tries to give me a stern look but fails, making us all laugh.
“Finley is with Steve and Shannon making cookies, and my husband has somewhere to be.”
“Where?” I ask.
She shrugs. “Not here.”
“I see how it is. We’re married now, you have my last name, and you no longer need me around,” I tease.
“Meh.” She laughs, and I lean in to kiss her again.
“Fine. I’m going. This one kept yelling at me anyway.” I stand and go to Amelia, kissing her forehead. “Call if you need anything, and don’t be corrupting my wife telling her stories about me.”
“No promises,” Amelia sings.
“Trouble. You two are nothing but trouble.” Bending, I whisper to her belly, “Take care of your mommy.” Then I go to Mara and bend to kiss her softly. “I love you. I’ll
see you at home.”
“Be careful.” She smiles up at me. I can see the joy of the life we’re building clouded with sadness and pain for our friend. They say life doesn’t give you more than you can handle, but sometimes I think that “they,” whoever that may be, was living in some kind of alternate universe. Our family has been through enough. We need some good. Maybe even a miracle.
I drove around for a while after leaving the hospital. I didn’t want to go home to an empty house. I hate when Finny and Mara are gone. It’s too quiet. So I drove until I ended up at the high school. I walk the football field and remember back when the five of us used to tear up this field. Those were the days. Not a care in the world. Although I don’t want to go back, I miss the times when life seemed to be simpler. I’m sitting in the middle of the field at the fifty-yard line when my phone rings.
