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Her eyes remained closed. As I got closer and really took her in, it became clear to me that one thing about her was very different. I remembered Raven’s body. Every inch, every curve was burned into my memory. I’d often wished I could forget it.
And now, as my eyes lingered on her chest, I was confused.
So damn confused.
Why would she do that?
“Raven,” I called.
She jumped and opened her eyes. “Gavin! What are you doing here?”
“We need to talk.”
She covered herself with her arms. “How long have you been standing there?”
“Several minutes.”
She looked down at her chest and back up at me.CHAPTER TWENTY-SEVEN* * *RAVENGavin’s eyes had grown huge.
There was no way around it; I had to explain.
My heart raced.
Feeling exposed, I lowered my arms. Only a small triangle of fabric covered my breasts. I definitely wouldn’t have worn such a skimpy top if I’d known Gavin was going to show up in my yard.
He sat down on the grass across from me and waited.
I swallowed. “They’re...obviously implants.”
He blinked in confusion. “They’re nice…but your breasts were so beautiful. I don’t understand why you—”
“I had them removed, Gavin. My breasts are gone.”
He still looked perplexed. “What?”
“I had what’s called a prophylactic mastectomy two years ago. It was a preventative measure because I tested positive for the BRCA mutation, which gives me a much higher chance of breast cancer than the average woman. After what happened to my mother, I didn’t want to take any chances. So, at my doctor’s recommendation, I decided to be proactive.”
He let out a long breath as he looked down at my breasts. “Okay…wow,” he muttered.
“I don’t think you knew this,” I said. “But my grandmother also had breast cancer. Given that my mom got it so young, and so did her mother, I thought it was best if I looked into my genetic risk. I didn’t have to have them removed. Plenty of people just do surveillance—check-ups every six months with MRIs and mammograms—but I didn’t want to have to worry about it. Removing them doesn’t completely erase the risk for breast cancer, but it diminishes it significantly.”
He shook his head. “I just knew...”
“You knew what?”
“That you’d been through something major you weren’t telling me. Something about you seemed different. I couldn’t figure out what it was. Now I know.”
“Yeah,” I whispered.
“I can’t even imagine the strength it took to make that decision.” He reached for my hand. “I’m so glad you did it, that you’ll be okay.”
“Hopefully…”
When he looked down at my breasts this time, I no longer felt vulnerable. I’d thought about him so much when I was going through the torment of trying to decide what to do. I’d wondered about what he would’ve thought, the advice he would have given me.
“And they’re beautiful,” he said. “You’re beautiful.”
“It was the second hardest thing I ever did in my life.”
I could feel myself starting to tear up, because I knew I had to tell him the truth. After staying up all night and meditating this morning, I’d come to the conclusion that Marni was right. I couldn’t live with myself if I didn’t tell him before he left.
Before I could get the words out, he took both of my hands in his, looked me in the eyes and said, “I know, Raven.”
My hands began to tremble. “You know what?”
When a teardrop rolled down his cheek, I no longer had to wonder.
Holy shit. He’s crying.
He knows?
How?
“I know what you did for your mother,” he said. “I know my mother threatened you. I know you didn’t really want to break up with me. I know you’ve lived with this secret for ten years. I know everything. Every goddamn thing.”
Oh my God.
He knows.
He really knows.
A huge weight lifted off my chest. He’d taken away the burden of having to explain. But I still had no idea how he knew.
“How did you find out?”
Gavin grasped my hands tighter. “I was pretty fucked up after leaving you last night. I ended up drinking more than I should’ve. That led to an altercation with my brother who—big surprise—was also drunk. He blurted out something that alluded to a secret. Then he said your name. Then I nearly choked him until he admitted the full truth.”
Weldon. Jesus.
There was so much I wanted to express, but the words wouldn’t come. Neither of us seemed to be able to find the right thing to say.
Gavin let go of my hands and lay down next to where I was sitting on the ground. Seeming mentally exhausted, he laid the back of his head against my thigh and looked up at the sky.
The morning breeze blew through his hair. I couldn’t help but run my fingers through the strands. He closed his eyes.
We stayed like this, listening to the birds sing, for a long while. I could feel his pain and confusion in my bones. It was clear he hadn’t even begun to process what all of this meant.
