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“You don’t have to go.” My whole body feels a little heavier at the thought of her walking out now, of this moment being our end.
“I do.” She picks her bag and jacket up from a chair, not looking at me. “I’m just going to go back to work tomorrow, because what else can I do?”
“Rey…”
She walks over to the door. “I’m so sorry, Jonah. I’m not good at this stuff. I wish I could say goodbye to you like a normal person, but I have to go. I just…can’t.”
Her sobs are audible as she opens the door and leaves. I want to chase after her. Tell her to stay and we’ll figure something out.
We’ve got no options, though. She can’t keep her job and our relationship. I’m so crazy about her I’d consider following her if I could, and leaving hockey behind. That’s not an option either, though, with her work.
I sit down on the couch and put my head in my hands, despair running through my veins. It’s a feeling I know well, but I never thought it would hit me head on again.Chapter Twenty-ThreeRey
“At least let me put some serum on your eyes, they’re puffier than roasted marshmallows,” Kai says.
“I think I’m beyond help from a serum.”
My voice is dull and nasally and my head is pounding. I cried for hours after getting home from Jonah’s last night, finally slept for a couple hours and then woke up and cried some more. It was around 10:00 in the morning when I got up, washed my face and packed my bags.
I just want to wallow, but it won’t change anything. And it also feels horrible.
“Don’t go,” Kai begs, taking my hand.
I look at my pile of packed suitcases and smile sadly. “I don’t want to go. I’d stay until you were completely sick of me if I could.”
“Never.”
“I’m shit at goodbyes,” I say. “I’m so careful not to care enough that I don’t have to worry about sad goodbyes.”
“That’s fucked up, girl.”
I laugh in acknowledgment. “I’m fucked up. My skillset includes interrogation, firearms, several languages and hula hooping. And that’s about it.”
“And contouring,” Kai says, pointing at me for emphasis. “You’re now a contouring rock star.”
“After about a thousand lessons from you.”
Kai’s smile fades away. “I’ve got a thousand more, though. And I want you to teach me how to shoot a gun. And there are so many great movies we haven’t watched yet.”
My throat tightens with emotion. “I know.”
He stomps a foot and says, “At least stay for the rest of your time off. Your boss said you could. We can go get a suite at the Four Seasons and put on the robes and jump on the bed and eat chocolates.”
“Just thinking about doing that breaks my heart because I’ll have to leave after. And I won’t even be able to call you.”
“This is some bullshit.” Kai glares. “I finally have a best friend, and you’re leaving? I like doing your makeup more than I like doing my own, and that’s saying something because I really like doing my own.”
As if the pain of leaving Jonah wasn’t enough, I have to face this, too. Kai has become so dear to me. We’re very different and very alike at the same time. He doesn’t open up easily, either, and our souls seemed to sense their likeness and bonded immediately.
“I just want you to know I completely adore you, Kai,” I say, unable to keep from crying yet again. “You’re smart and funny and gorgeous. You have such a beautiful heart. I’d give anything to take you with me.”
“That’s a great idea!” He breaks into a huge grin. “I’d be an amazing undercover cop. I mean, I’m totally inconspicuous, right?”
He gestures at his dramatic purple and green eyeshadow, accented by thick, inch-long dark lashes, and we both bust out laughing.
“Oh, Kai.” I reach for him and we hug long and hard. “I love you so much.”
“I love you, too. And I’m sorry for being so selfish. You’re hurting, too. It’s just not fair that you have to leave Jonah. And obviously, me.”
“I’m eligible to retire in nineteen years,” I say miserably. “Think you’ll still have an open guest room then?”
“I mean, probably?” Kai says. “I can hardly stand anyone for more than three minutes. But you…you I like. You’re an amazing person, Rey. Having you here was something I didn’t even know I needed, but I did. And I’m better for it.”
I wipe the corners of my eyes. “Don’t live in fear of the assholes, okay? Take some self-defense classes, too. There’s a big, beautiful world out there that needs you in it.”
“Thanks.” He takes my hand and says, “I was thinking…do you get time off? Because maybe after your next job I could rent a yacht for a week or two and we could have a vacation together. Somewhere totally exotic.”
