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Two lines.
That meant that I was pregnant. I just kept staring at the test, trying to come to terms with the fact that there was a life growing inside of me. The idea seemed so crazy. I was going to be a mother. It was something I wasn’t ready for.
One thing that I knew for sure was that there was no way that I could be deployed at this point. Yemen was out. I was probably out of the army, too; I had no clue how my commanding officers would act. Motherhood wasn’t in my plans when I enlisted, so I never asked these particular what-ifs.
Then there was the question of the baby’s father. Ted and I hadn’t slept together for months, so I knew who it was and how he probably would react. Joshua couldn’t even handle having a conversation about our sex life, so I knew that he would lose his mind if he found out that I was pregnant.
Depressed, I put the pregnancy test in my purse. I decided that I would keep that little tidbit of news a secret for a while — at least until I came up with a plan about what I was going to do. If only I knew where Joshua was.Chapter Six - Joshua“Have another round of whiskey on me,” offered the elderly man standing at the bar with me. “It’s not every day that you run into a soldier. I just want to thank you for your service. Men like you are what makes our country so great.”
The bar I had found down the street from the motel was very patriotic. When I had used my military ID to order a whiskey, the bartender had not only waved my money away, he also announced to the crowd that they had a hero in the house. This was followed by a round of cheers, slaps on the back, and more free drinks than I could count. At first, it felt good, but after a while — after my vision started to blur, and the room started to spin — I felt like a fraud.
Afghanistan was my first tour of duty. I had seen a bit of action, but for the most part, it was a lot of waiting and a lot of routine exercises. This next tour in Yemen was going to be more challenging. My unit was supposed to do police actions in some of the towns with heavier fighting. Deep down, I was scared, but as a soldier, I couldn’t admit that.
My father was an army man. He served for thirty years, dragging my mother and me all over the world until we settled on base in Southern Oregon. I grew up expecting to enlist, and although I think my mother didn’t want me to, it was the only thing that I could do to make my father proud. However, now that I was facing going back into action, there was something more nagging at the back of my mind.
I was scared that something would happen to Nadia — that she would be injured. I couldn’t take that.
When my best friend decided to join up with me, I was happy. Having Nadia by my side felt natural. But now that we were facing something real, my heart was heavy, and I just couldn’t keep my hands from shaking.
I thanked the old-timer, downed the free shot in one gulp, and stood up, swaying as I rose. I had to steady myself to make sure that I didn’t fall. I knew that I had had too many drinks, so I figured that it was time to leave. I said goodbye to the crowd, who had bought me the shoots and stalked out of the bar.
Once I got outside, and the wind hit my face, I remembered why I was in the bar in the first place: Nadia. Was I just using her? Was it all about sex? The look she had had on her face when she told me to leave earlier, it had been ice cold. I’d never seen my best friend look at me that way. This was the beginning of the end for us. I just knew it.
At that point, I decided that I wasn’t entirely done drinking. I walked a few blocks from the bar and found a liquor store. I went inside and bought a bottle of vodka. When I got outside again, I didn’t even bother waiting to start drinking. I drank straight from the bottle in the paper bag, sauntering down the sidewalk. I bumped into several people who remarked with irritation. But, once they saw how drunk I was, they just moved along.
There was a park that had a bench nearby, and since the world was really starting to sway, I sat on it. Actually, I laid on the bench, staring up at the sky. It was dark with flecks of light shimmering in it. The stars shone so brightly that they lit up the park.
