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I made the mistake of meeting his eyes and then looking down toward his mouth, his parting lips, at the soft shadow of stubble along his jawline. It made his masculine jaw and high cheek bones dark, alluring. From him, I felt the calmness I craved to feel, the surety of knowing who he was. He seemed to be in total control of everything. It was all I wanted for myself.
His head dipped down until his nose touched mine.
“Stop me,” he said, and while his voice was soft, it had all the severity he’d ever had before. He was commanding me.
I didn’t answer. I didn’t encourage him, either.
He inched forward. His lips grazed across my lower lip. “Last chance,” he whispered.
This was a definite warning. If I didn’t back off now, I was diving in as deep as I had with Marc and the others, and Axel wouldn’t wait for an answer. Now or never.
God help me, I couldn’t get myself to push him away. I was in this far, and I wanted to risk it all. I wanted to go over the edge. He was here, offering me everything. Axel, the confident leader. He knew some of the darker secrets of my past, and here he was still, offering to take me in, to make me his.
My insides vibrated so hard, my body rocked with it. Flashes of memories swept over me of the time in his bedroom, his hand with mine, swimming through tiny glowing creatures in a tank, and then later when he taught me how to shoot a gun, and the smile he’d had when he found out I wasn’t half bad.
Then there was the time I was waiting in the hospital with him when he had begged me then not to run off.
While I was thinking, with my feelings so overwhelming, threatening to drown me where I stood, Axel lowered his mouth to mine.
His lips decided for me.
Even as he kissed me, I hesitated for a minute. It was the vibrations inside of me spinning out of control now. My whole body seemed to shake until my bones knocked so hard into each other, it was painful.
His lips glided against my mouth, encompassing me. He surrounded me, pulling me in tighter against my shaking body, his hands firm to still me. I lifted my hands to his shoulders, placing my palms against him. I could have pushed him away.
He was so steady, stable, a rock against the waves.
My hands glided up, toward his neck. My fingertips trailed up, combing into his hair.
Finally, I parted my lips, kissing back. His allure was calling to me, and I was surrendering.
I wanted him to make me believe.
His lips opened more as he returned the kiss, stronger this time. Confident. Steady. He tilted his head over a little as he pulled up on the kiss, and then dove back in, taking my lower lip between his.
His hands met with my back, arms enveloping me, responding to my shaking. His body pushed up to mine, his chest pressed hard up against my breasts.
I pressed back against him, drawn to his warmth, stealing it from his body. As close as I was, I didn’t seem close enough. I stood, on tiptoe, leaning against him and my arms encircled his neck, clinging.
A hardness at his groin pushed up against my crotch.
Out of instinct, I arched my hips forward, pressing myself against him. Desire was growing inside me, too, and I hadn’t realized how much I needed it until now.
Axel pulled back on the kiss, breathing against my mouth for a moment.
My eyes fluttered open, and I caught those dark eyes looking back at me through half open lids, asking silently one last time if I wanted to stop this.
But it was too late for me.
He drew back more, and took my hand. He squeezed it gently and started walking toward the door of the bathroom, taking me with him.
My heart was in my throat then, wondering his intentions. His boxers tented out, clearly telling me his feelings. Would I go so far?
Corey and Marc were in bed nearby. Within the confines of the bathroom, I felt safe kissing him without the others knowing. Being exposed, I hesitated, because despite wanting to be with Axel, I still felt a tug toward Marc, and I didn’t want Corey to know. I wasn’t sure where the others had run off to, but I didn’t want them walking in on us.
Axel reached for the bathroom light, turning it off before he opened the door.
Axel found the door between the bedroom and living areas and closed it quietly. I’d forgotten about that. We would be slightly protected.
My heart was still pounding. The bathroom was on our end. If either woke up and came through to use it, or heard us...
Axel guided me by the hand toward the bed that had been pulled out from the couch. With a twist, he turned me and then gently pushed to encourage me in.
I crawled across, far enough toward the wall, thinking I’d have some cover if someone decided to come in.
Axel reached for the small lamp on the low table beside the couch. He clicked it off.
As my eyes tried to adjust to the dark, the covers were drawn back. Axel found my hips and tugged.
Before I could settle closer, his hand found my face.
His mouth claimed my lips.
Warmth flooded through me with his body again pressed against mine. He twisted the bed covers around us.
His kiss was deeper now. Unforgiving. The coarse hair around his lips scratched my face. I clamped my lips against his, welcoming it.
His hand grasped my waist, holding it for a moment. Slowly, as he leaned in further, it slid downward, toward my butt. He cupped it, and then held on, pulling me in closer. Again his hardness pressed up against my groin. My hips arched forward, grinding up against him.
His lips parted between kisses long enough for him to breathe against my face. “Kayli,” he whispered. “I’m snipped, but I can grab a condom if you’re worried about—“
I sucked in a deep breath. “Snipped?” I whispered. I knew what he meant. I simply wasn’t prepared to think that far ahead.
“All of us are,” he said quietly. “All Academy boys.”
I pulled back. In the dark, his gaze met mine. “All?” I asked.
He inclined his head slightly. “We’re given a choice, but around fourteen or so, they’re given an option and it’s paid for. Most of us take it. It’s reversible if we want kids later. Girls are given options for birth control. I just wanted to mention. I can get tested if you’re worried about diseases, or I can go get a condom if you prefer.”
I don’t know what shocked me more, the fact that all Academy guys were snipped or that he wanted to take things so far tonight, when we’d only really kissed just now. This, however, gave me a good reason to wait. “Axel,” I said quietly, “maybe not tonight. I mean…” I mumbled something, my hands rubbing at his body, afraid to turn him away, because I really needed him close, just not that close. Sex would be a real commitment, and I wasn’t prepared for that. I didn’t want it before I felt I was really head over heel
s.
I was, in a way, but just the start. I didn’t want to be so conflicted. I couldn’t do it without the guilt I felt about the others, and it would be wrong to do that.
He leaned in, and kissed my brow. His lips traced over my temple. “I wasn’t sure if I wanted to. Not yet. I want to do this right with you.”
It was hard to believe I was doing anything right at all.
I pressed my lips against his again, too afraid to tell him how tempted I was to let go and do it. My heart was pounding too hard, drowning out the words of caution in my head. My hands drifted down from his shoulders, to his chest, feeling the muscles, inching down slowly along his sides. I was exploring with my hands, rooting out the real Axel by touch.
He knocked my hands away, drawing himself up. He moved until he was hovering over me. He caught my knee as I tried to shift, unsure how he wanted me. He guided my leg to open, parting my thighs so he could kneel between them.
For a moment, I panicked, because I thought maybe he’d forgotten his promise not to go that far. I sucked in a breath, trying to relax. I’d push him away if he got out of control. I felt I could, at any time, because Axel didn’t seem the type to ignore me if I said no.
He bent over me, his lips claiming my mouth again. His hand held on to my hips, gripping the clothes tight against me. There was a creak as the fabric strained against my body.
I clawed at his skin, encouraging. My heart was wild. Maybe I didn’t want sex, but I wanted him to touch me, to touch places that hadn’t been touched in a long time. Just a little.
He found the lower hem of my shirt, and drew it up, exposing my skin, and his open palm traced warmly along my body.
I breathed in sharply against his mouth. Axel’s kiss, his touch, his body pressing to mine, smothered every bit of the guilt, leaving only desire. Where I’d been feeling lost and confused, he was surety. When I wasn’t confident, he was telling me what he wanted. He wanted me.
His palm traced up the edge of my ribs, and then rose higher, until he was cupping my breast.
His lips moved from mine now, lowering until he was kissing along my jawline. I tried to get him back, to kiss my mouth again, but he ignored it, kissing my neck, nuzzling close to my ear. He tested areas with his mouth.
