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“Now, don’t get your hopes up just yet. I’ll call you back and let you know what the girls have to say. Bye now.”
I lean back again and the corners of my eyes sting with tears as I think about the day Kaia was born in Hawaii more than ten years ago. I wasn’t certain if she was my daughter or not, because Lindsay was cheating on me with Nathan when she got pregnant. But there’s not a day that goes by that I don’t wish I hadn’t been so judgmental when Nathan texted me asking me to come to the hospital. Even though Kaia isn’t my biological daughter, I still wish I had seen her being born. But Lindsay didn’t want me there that day. And I took that as a blessing.
I nearly drop the phone when it begins to vibrate. “Hello?” I answer.
“Adam.”
“Lindsay?” I reply, my voice thick with emotion. “You sound like an angel. Baby, are you okay?”
She lets out a loud grunt that lasts about twenty seconds, then she pants for another ten seconds before she comes back on the line. “Hold on,” she says as she tries to catch her breath.
There’s some rustling, and when I pull the phone away from my ear to make sure she hasn’t hung up, I’m treated to the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen. She’s in a typical hospital gown with her hair pulled up into a messy bun, but her cheeks have that plump, rosy glow. I remember it’s exactly how she looked when she gave birth to Mila. When she looked at pictures I took of her that day, she thought she looked awful. But she didn’t see what I saw. I saw the woman I’ve loved for almost a decade miraculously bringing a human into this world.
And that’s exactly what I see now. Even though her face is screwed up with pain as she powers through another contraction. I’ve never seen anyone or anything more beautiful in all my life.
“Baby, you’re looking good. Keep breathing,” I tell her as she comes out of the contraction, somehow managing to hold on to the phone. “Baby, give the phone to your mom.”
“The phone’s gonna die,” Lindsay mutters, then her face contorts with anguish as she begins to cry. “I’m sorry. I didn’t bring the camera. I’m sorry.”
“No, you don’t have to be sorry,” I assure her. “Baby, look at me. Look at me, I’ll be here for you even after the battery dies.”
She nods as she hands the phone off to someone else right before she’s seized by another contraction. “I love you!” she screams through the pain.
I laugh. “I love you, too. Keep breathing, baby. I’m right here with you.”
The screen flickers and I hear a faint beeping sound. The phone turns away from Lindsay and I get a close-up view of Lillian’s face as she squints her eyes.
“The phone is going to die, Adam. Say what you need to say.”
She turns the phone back around and points it at Lindsay, who is leaning back in the bed looking thoroughly exhausted after that last contraction.
“Lindsay, I just want you to know that I don’t care if we have two boys or two girls or two Danny DeVitos, I’m just happy I got to see you tonight, to see that you’re okay. I love you so fucking much. You’re everything to me. I’m coming tonight. I don’t give a fuck about the final tomorrow.”
“No! Don’t you dare come home!” she roars. “You bring back that trophy or I’ll kick your ass.”
I laugh as the screen begins to flicker again. “I will, baby. I promise. Call me when—”
The screen goes dark and the connection is cut off. The phone must have died.
This is a sign.
I didn’t get to see my twins being born.
This is a sign that I haven’t changed at all since the day Kaia was born ten years ago. And as fucking gut-wrenchingly painful as it will be, I will have to accept that I chose to come here instead of staying there. I chose this life. Surfing didn’t choose me. But that doesn’t mean that I can’t still make a different choice. The right choice.
I shake my head as the tears fall down my face. The words I told the Surfline journalist play on a loop in my mind: Learn how to fail gracefully, then get up and try again.
And just like that, I finally understand what I should have known all along.
I would rather fail gracefully at surfing than fail miserably at taking care of my family.
Seventeen
I manage to fall asleep around four a.m. after staring at the pictures Michael texted me for about three hours straight. Dr. Billings took mercy on me and asked one of the nurses to take some pictures with his personal phone as the twins were being born. I fell asleep while gazing at the images of my twin boys being born.
I wake with an ache in my chest. All I want to do is get home and hold my family in my arms, but I promised Lindsay I’d bring back that trophy, and there’s no way I’m going to let her down this time.
* * *
I’m in the Rip Curl sponsor tent, chatting with Andy, when I hear a very familiar voice behind me cry out, “Knock knock!”
My chest floods with warmth. “Who’s there?” I say without turning around.
“Kaia,” she replies.
“Kaia who?”
“Kaia-bunga, dude!”
I laugh as I spin around and scoop her up into my arms. “Oh, baby, I missed you so much,” I say, squeezing her tightly and burying my face in her pale-blonde curls. “How did you get here?”
Right as I speak the question aloud, my gaze lands on Yuri and Lena, who are standing near the corner of the tent. Lena is balancing Mila on her hip while Yuri stands stoically at her side.
“Uncle Yuri brought us,” Kaia replies. “Daddy, you’re squeezing me too hard.”
I chuckle as I set her down on the sand. “Sorry, baby,” I say, grabbing her hand as Yuri and Lena approach. Lena flashes me a tight smile as she hands Mila over to me.
I squeeze my baby girl tight against my chest, breathing in the scent of her hair. “I missed you girls so much. You can’t imagine how happy I am right now.”
Lena glances at Yuri before she turns back to me. “Lindsay really wanted you to win, so she sent in the troops for some moral support.” She links her arm through Yuri’s and nudges his shoulder.
Yuri finally cracks a smile, but he still doesn’t look at me. “I volunteered to bring them. I thought maybe a couple of nights with Mila would make Lena stop begging me about having kids.”
I laugh as Lena smacks him on the arm. “Mila’s not that bad,” I remark, planting a kiss on Mila’s baby-soft cheek. “As long as you feed her forty ounces of unicorn blood every day.”
Yuri shrugs. “Yeah, seems my plan backfired. Mila wanted to sleep with us last night and now I know why you have four of these devils,” he says, his eyes locking on Lena’s. “It was… something else, seeing those two fall asleep together.”
Lena smiles and squeezes his arm. “Just wait until we have a few of these running around. Then you’ll really be in heaven.”
“A few? You said you wanted one. Now it’s a few?”
I shake my head at their bickering as I set Mila down on the sand. “Hey, thanks for bringing my munchkins. I don’t know how to thank you two. I don’t… I don’t deserve this kindness.”
Yuri finally looks me in the eye without a trace of a smile. “You’re my brother, man. I wouldn’t miss this for the world.”
I nod as I swallow the knot in my throat.
Lena sniffs as she wipes a tear away. “Oh, you two, just hug it out already.”
I laugh as I hold out my hand to Yuri and he takes me into a tight—totally masculine—man-hug.
When I let him go, Mila is holding her arms out for me to pick her up again, but Andy shoots me a look. It’s almost time for the heat to begin. My stomach tightens into a ball of nerves. This is it.
I kneel down so I’m at Mila’s level and I grab her hands. “Daddy has to go into the water now, baby, but I’ll be back before you know it. Can I have a good-luck kiss right here?” I say, pointing at my cheek. She bumps her lips against my cheek and I take her into another hug. “I love you, baby.” When I stand up, K
aia is smiling at me, showing off that missing tooth. I take her hand to pull her toward me, and she smashes her cheek against my abdomen. “You’re gonna carry the trophy for me on the stage, okay?” She nods, her face beaming with pride.
I kiss the top of her head before I grab my board and head out. The crowd presses in on all sides of me as I make my way across the sand out to the shore. Carlos makes it out a few seconds after I do and we wait for the horn before we race out into the surf. The crowd goes wild as we make our way around the breaks and the paddle battle begins.
Carlos is a few feet ahead of me as we paddle out, but I can’t let him beat me to the lineup. Keeping my head stationary, I raise my elbows higher as I paddle, allowing me to catch more water, adding more power to each stroke. Soon, I’m right next to Carlos.
