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Zoe put a hand on her arm, looking suddenly serious. “I know you’re scared, but let him talk, okay? He’ll be feeling the same things that you are; remember that. But he took a big step today by setting all this up, which means he’s making himself vulnerable to you. The male ego is extremely fragile, so no jokes until you’re both relaxed enough to handle them.”
“All right,” Dana agreed. She knew that her friend was right. This was potentially the most important night of her life. Hiding behind sarcasm as she normally would wasn’t an option. Even though things hadn’t started off on the best foot for them last year, she knew now that Ash wouldn’t hurt her. She could let her guard down and trust him to take care of her heart. If she was wrong, then she’d unleash the worst volley of male bashing that he’d ever endured—and considering the amount of women he’d pissed off, that was saying something.
Seventeen
This had been one of the most awkward evenings of his life, Ash thought miserably. Since the moment he’d picked Dana up at her apartment, things had been tense and so unlike them. He’d done everything a man in love was supposed to. He’d complimented her outfit, which wasn’t hard because she looked beautiful. He’d also been so nervous that he’d not only knocked over his water glass, but had flung his fork clear across the room, almost stabbing some poor kid in the forehead. His usual finesse had completely deserted him. He had no idea how Dana had kept from laughing when he’d dribbled soup all over the front of his expensive dress shirt. Why wasn’t she giving him hell as she normally would? He’d feel better if she’d insult him. But, instead, she kept hiding her face behind her napkin. “Sorry,” he muttered when he attempted to hand her a dinner roll and instead lobbed it into her lap.
She put her elbows on the table and lowered her head into her hands. Her shoulders were shaking so hard he knew she must be sobbing. He wanted to reach out and comfort her, but he was afraid he’d knock the candle in the middle of the table over and set her on fire. He was seriously considering crying right along with her when she exclaimed, “What in the hell is wrong with you? You’d better tell Zoe that I tried to be good, but dear God, you’re a mess, baby. If I don’t do something, we’ll be thrown out of here in another few minutes and probably banned as well.”
He froze. Was that . . . a giggle? She had tears on her face all right, but they appeared to be from laughing so hard. “You think this is funny?” He wanted to clarify her reaction in case he was reading it wrong.
“Absolutely.” She smirked. “Honey, we suck at this. My underwear is on backwards, I have a piece of steak in my lap, and for the last hour I’ve been biting my tongue to keep from teasing you. Oh, and when your silverware went sailing past my head, I snorted wine up my nose and damn near drowned. You didn’t notice because you were too busy apologizing to the kid you almost killed.”
“Fuck.” Ash sagged back into his seat. “I thought you’d turned into a Stepford wife or something. It’s been making me so nervous I keep doing all of this stupid shit. I wanted to make things special so that you’d remember the first time I told you that I loved you, but instead, I’ve lost so many cool points I’m surprised you’re still sitting there. Heck, you’re probably just afraid to get up for fear that I’ll pin you beneath the table or something.”
“I love you too,” she said softly.
“Now I’ve made a total mess out of everything. I bet you’re planning to call Paul and beg him to take you back as soon as you can get away from me. I wouldn’t blame . . . Wait, what did you say?” He stuttered to a stop as her words finally penetrated his pity party.
“I’m in love with you, Asher Jackson. I have been for a while, but after what you told Rhett, I was afraid to admit it.”
Confused, he asked, “What does my brother have to do with this?”
She took a big gulp of her wine, then her gaze locked on his. “I overheard you telling him that what we had wasn’t serious and never would be. That I wasn’t your type.”
He shook his head. “Baby, I have no idea what you’re talking about. When did this happen? You know how crazy things get at those family dinners. I think you must have misunderstood something.”
Ash could see the hurt that she was trying hard to hide from him and it hit him like a punch to the gut. “It was the day I went to the beach with Claudia. I came back to your apartment and used my key to get in. You and Rhett were in the living room. I couldn’t see him, but I recognized his voice. He was saying he was glad you were getting out there and dating again and you said that I was Miss Right Now.”
“Oh shit.” Ash felt his face go white. He’d been trying to keep Rhett from seeing how he felt about Dana because he’d been firmly in denial at that point. “That’s why you started acting differently,” he guessed. He carefully reached across the table and put his hand on hers. “I’m so sorry, sweetheart. I was freaked out about what you were making me feel, and I said some stupid stuff to throw my brother off the scent. I didn’t mean it. I realize that with my track record where you’re concerned, you have no reason to believe me. But I was already in love with you, and not handling it very well.”
“It’s all right.” She smiled softly. “I said some similar things to Zoe for the same reason. I’m not going to pretend that I wasn’t hurt, because I was. But I do understand. What I would like for you to explain though is why you despised me at first sight for so long. I know it has something to do with Fiona. If we’re going to make a go of this, I need to know about her.”
He was stunned. “How did you find out about my ex-girlfriend?”
She shrugged. “Zoe mentioned it, although she really didn’t have any details to share. Then Claudia brought her up that day at the beach. Apparently your family knows you were involved with this woman, but none have been privy to what happened.”
Ash studied her for a moment before saying, “I’ll tell you whatever you want to know. But can we finish talking at home? For one, I think they’d like us to leave now, and I could also use a drink. With the way my luck is going, hard liquor would be a disaster.”
“Of course, honey,” she agreed. He paid the bill, adding a big tip since their table looked like a group of toddlers had eaten there. He helped Dana out of her chair and placed a hand on her lower back as they left the restaurant and waited for his car to be brought around. He’d cleared one hurdle. She loved him even after he’d made an ass of himself. Now the only thing left was to share his past, something he’d never done before. Only two other people knew what had happened because Ash had never wanted to admit to anyone, not even his family, how much of a fool Fiona had revealed him to be.
He’d only recently come to realize that it was his ego that had taken a hit more than anything else because he now knew that he’d never really felt for Fiona what he did for Dana. But a blow to a man’s pride was sometimes just as damaging as the pain from a broken heart. Both were hell to recover from and move past.
Ash had held Dana’s hand almost the entire way home except for the few times he’d needed both hands on the wheel to navigate through traffic. He’d been so adorably nervous during dinner that she could hardly believe it. What a pair they made. She had stains all over her dress and his clothing hadn’t fared much better. For two people who were normally cool under pressure, they’d certainly lost it tonight. When he’d blurted out that he loved her, she’d returned the sentiment without a moment’s hesitation. She’d also taken the opportunity to bring up the conversation with Rhett and the subject of Fiona. She could tell that he didn’t want to talk about his past, but he was willing to do it for her.
He pulled her against his chest on the ride up in the elevator, dropping a kiss onto the top of her head as they exited on his floor. He opened the door for her, then shrugged off his coat and tie before crossing to the bar in the corner and holding up a bottle of scotch. “Want one?” She shook her head no. She’d have a glass of wine later, but for now she wante
d to keep a clear head for the impending conversation.
Dana kicked off her shoes, then settled onto the couch. Ash joined her a moment later, putting his arm around her shoulders. “I love you,” she whispered reassuringly, sensing that he needed that from her before he started.
Ash blew out a breath before saying, “I love you too.” He gulped down the contents of his glass, then put it on the coffee table. “It’s been five years since things ended with me and Fiona. Her brother Hunter actually runs the Oceanix in Charleston now. He introduced us. A fact that he’s apologized for repeatedly. But you always want to see the best in your family, until they prove you wrong. I’ve never held what happened against him. Hell, look at Claudia. I certainly can’t throw stones.”
He paused to gather his thoughts. He wasn’t used to this level of honesty with a woman. Dana, of course, read him perfectly. “Take your time, honey,” she murmured. “If it’s too much tonight, then we can try it again tomorrow.”
In that moment, he loved her so much that he could barely stand it. His heart ached as if he missed her even though she was sitting right there next to him. “Fiona was different than my usual crowd. She was a petite, dark-haired spitfire who didn’t take shit from anyone. I know this sounds bad, but I was used to women catering to my every whim. I didn’t chase them; it wasn’t necessary. So when I meet Fiona, I expected her to—”
“Fall on her back with her legs in the air?” Dana asked dryly.
“More or less,” he admitted sheepishly. In hindsight, he probably should have left some of the details out. He didn’t want Dana to think he was an even bigger asshole than she had accused him of being more than once. “Anyway, she literally laughed in my face when I mentioned her coming to my place. From that moment on, I was intrigued. We dated for months before we ever slept together. I’d never waited that long before. I thought I was in love. We’d been together for close to a year when she came to me in tears. She said she was pregnant and she was afraid I’d break up with her over it. At first I was offended that she had such a low opinion of me. I reassured her that we’d get married and I’d take care of her and the baby. Instead of being nervous, I was thrilled. She wanted to wait for a while to tell everyone, so I went along with it. Hunter and I had already gotten pretty close by that point, so after a month or so, I confided in him, then swore him to secrecy. I remember thinking that he acted really funny about the whole thing. I put it down to Fiona being his sister and him not liking the idea of her having sex. Kind of the way you feel when you imagine your parents doing it.”
“Ugh,” Dana groaned. “Luckily my parents divorced years ago, so I don’t have to dwell on that.”
Ash wanted to quiz her further. This was one of the few times she’d voluntarily shared information about her family. But he knew now wasn’t the time. Although if he was sharing confidences, then he’d want the same from her soon. “Anyway, another few months passed by, and she was beginning to show. I wanted to tell my brothers since I’d always been pretty close to them, but she insisted on waiting until we were married first. She said she didn’t want them to have a bad opinion of her for getting pregnant. So I agreed. Most of our relationship had been shrouded in secrecy anyway. Whenever my family was visiting, she was always conveniently out of town or couldn’t get off work. I’d never been in a serious relationship, so I was fine with her running the show for the most part. I wanted her to be happy. We decided on a simple wedding at the courthouse. Her mother had passed away when she was little, and neither she nor Hunter was close to their father. She promised we’d do something bigger after the baby was born. She was self-conscious about the weight she’d gained even though I tried to reassure her that she was beautiful.”
Ash didn’t realize that his hands were shaking until Dana got up and fixed him another drink. She handed it to him carefully, then resumed her position on the couch. “Do you need to stop for now?”
He took a few grateful sips before shaking his head. “I’m fine, baby, thanks. So, anyway, the day before we were to get married, Hunter and I were having an unofficial bachelor party since Fiona had to work. Hunter had never been much of a drinker, but that night he got pretty hammered. I’d only had one beer so I drove him home. When we got to his place, he asked me to come in. I was impatient because I wanted to get home, but he was my best friend, so I agreed. We’d barely been there more than a few minutes and I remember being surprised that in that short time he’d gone from being wasted to appearing stone-cold sober. He told me to have a seat, that he had something to tell me. Then he said that he’d found out that Fiona and her boyfriend were running a scam on me. The baby she was carrying wasn’t mine; it was some other guy’s.”
“Oh my God,” Dana whispered, putting a hand over her mouth.
“My first reaction was to laugh. I thought he was bullshitting me. He got a piece of paper and wrote something on it before handing it to me. “She’s not at work tonight. That’s his address. You’re not going alone though because I don’t want you ruining your life further by lashing out. You can drive us both there. You’ll never believe it unless you see it with your own eyes. You’re like a brother to me. There’s no way I can let them do this to you. I don’t care if she’s my sister or not. It makes me fucking sick. I don’t even know who she is anymore. I’ve made excuses for her for years because she grew up without a mother, but I have to face the fact that she’s not a good person. She had both of us convinced there for a while, but I heard her on the phone with him a few days ago. Then I followed her this morning.”
Ash glanced at Dana and was surprised to see tears trickling down her cheeks. “I’m sorry,” she choked out as she wiped her face with the back of her hand.
He hugged her against him, kissing the top of her head. “I was weirdly calm. I didn’t protest as we retraced our steps and I followed his directions to one of the worst areas of the city. He instructed me to park a few spaces down from a run-down white house. He wanted me to stand out of sight while he went to the door and talked to his sister. None of it made any sense to me, so I simply followed his instructions. It was Fiona that answered the door. She sounded shocked to see him there. Then when he told her that he knew what she was up to, she got angry. She’d always been feisty, but that night she sounded like something straight from the gutter. She cussed, threatened, and then laughed at Hunter. She told him to go ahead and tell me. That I was so hung up on her that I’d never believe him. She slammed the door in his face and I could hear her talking to someone inside. Hunter motioned for me to join him and look in the window. And my world tilted. There was the woman I thought I loved, passionately kissing some other guy. I have no idea how long I stood there until Hunter ushered me into the passenger seat and managed to get us both back to his place in one piece. I got drunk off my ass that night, then the next day I told her there would be no wedding until the baby was born and I got a paternity test. She knew at that point that Hunter had told me.”
“I’d so love to kick her ass right now,” Dana hissed, looking murderous on his behalf. It felt oddly right for her to be protective of him.
“It was a long time ago,” he reassured her. “She didn’t bother to deny it that day. Oddly enough, she tried to explain it away by saying she was tired of struggling to make ends meet and felt that she deserved something more from life than she’d always gotten. She agreed to take a paternity test, even though she assured me that there was very little chance that the baby was mine. I think she was still holding on to the outside chance that she might be carrying a meal ticket. So I paid her medical bills until the baby was born and then a few days later it was officially confirmed that I wasn’t the father. I was relieved, but also strangely disappointed. I didn’t want anything to do with Fiona, but I had been excited about being a father.”
“What happened after that?” Dana asked softly.
Ash winced, hating to share the last part. “I went off the deep end for a w
hile,” he admitted. “I’d held it together after I found out about her because there was still an outside chance that the baby was mine. But when that was over, I lost it. I stayed drunk for weeks. I was literally tripping over liquor bottles in my apartment. Hell, I didn’t shower or shave for longer than I’d care to admit. I lost weight thanks to my liquid diet and looked like someone with a terminal illness. Hunter threatened to tell my family, but I wouldn’t listen. Finally he called my brother Seth and told him he’d better get down there before I did something stupid. By that point, I’d been like that for a few months. Hunter didn’t tell Seth the whole story, but he did give him a condensed version of it. Imagine my brother’s surprise since none of them really knew I was seriously involved with anyone, much less that it was serious enough to cause that kind of damage when it ended. It took Seth another month to get me halfway cleaned up. By that time, my brothers were covering for both of us without really knowing the whole truth. I’ll never forget that. We bust each other’s balls, but when the chips are down, we’re there. I don’t know what would have happened without them. And the shitty part of it is that, to this day, they still don’t know the full story and they’ve never pressed me for it.”
“Oh, honey,” Dana sighed. “It breaks my heart to think of what you must have gone through. No wonder you stuck with women who only wanted a good time with you. It makes perfect sense to me now.” Then she froze, staring up at him. “Did you hate me because I reminded you of her?”
Ash swallowed, feeling a lump the size of a basketball in his throat. He wanted to deny it, but if they were to have a future together, it couldn’t be built on a foundation of lies. Even though she might never know the truth, he would and that was enough. “I was confused when we met. Your coloring is completely different from hers, but you both have a similar build and there was just something about you. That first day, it was like a punch to the gut. Even as I tried to rationalize it afterwards, I couldn’t stop comparing you to her. Then I’d tell myself that I was crazy. You didn’t even look like her and you’d never done anything to me. But the next time I was around you, I was punishing you for her sins once again. It made me sick, but I couldn’t seem to stop. Add in the fact that I was wildly attracted to you and it was an explosive combination of denial, desire, and downright confusion. It took me months to figure out that it wasn’t so much that you reminded me of her, but more the fact that you made me want things again that scared the hell out of me. I was looking for any reason to put distance between us and that was a convenient excuse. It was easier for me to handle than the fact that I was terrified of getting hurt again.” He could feel the moment that she stiffened in his hold. He was making a mess of this last part. Why had he been such a jerk to her in the beginning? And then he’d continued doing it for a freaking year. He’d barely been able to believe she’d forgiven him for it the first time. But now that she knew that it had all been over another woman, all bets were likely off. He could easily put himself in her shoes and he knew he’d have a hard time moving past it. Did he really expect her to laugh it off and say something trite like “these things happen”?
