To go from having a mom I could talk to about anything, to having one who didn’t recognize me anymore was a heartbreak unlike any I’d ever experienced. Being vulnerable about it wasn’t something I did often with people who weren’t Grace or Liv, but I’d felt comfortable with Cash. I felt I could trust him, but I’d been wrong.
That’s not true.Despite what had happened, I knew I hadn’t been wrong to trust him. But whathadgone wrong?
The elevator came to a stop on the third floor, and I started toward room 3012. Nicole was coming out of the room as I approached.
“Hey, Ella,” Nicole greeted, looking around me. “Just you today?”
My eyes watered at the edges as I forced a smile. “Just me.”
Her face softened as she seemed to read the words nestled inside my expression.
“How is she today?” I asked.
“Today’s been a good day,” she answered. “She seems less agitated than usual. I’m glad you’re here.” She placed a hand on my arm. “And she will be too.”
“Thanks, Nicole.” I nodded and entered my mom’s room to find her seated in her armchair with the television playing at a low level.
“Hey, Mama,” I said.
“Hello, dear,” she replied, looking up at me with bright eyes. “I wasn’t expecting any visitors. Are you from the church?”
“No, Mama.” I shook my head. “I’m not.”
She smiled through her puzzled expression. “How can I help you, dear?”
I sat on the loveseat near her. “I know the things I’m about to say aren’t going to make any sense, but I just needed you to hear them.”
Her eyes squinted as though she were trying to figure out what on earth I was talking about.
“I don’t know what to do, Mama.” I’d barely opened my mouth, and my eyes were already swimming with tears. “I found someone. Someone I saw a real future with, but he’s gone. He left, and I don’t even know where he went.”
She studied me intently, her lips pursed.
“I love him, and what makes this even worse is that Grace loves him too,” I cried. “But he left. He left us both. All these years, I’ve tried to give Grace everything I could. The one thing I couldn’t give her was her father back. After Craig died, I honestly never thought I’d find someone I loved the way I loved him, someone who could stand in his place and not pale in comparison. Someone who could be the dad Grace still deserved.”
My mom leaned forward, absorbing my every word.
“But I did find that.” My voice broke, and I took a shallow breath. “I found all of that in Cash. And I know that Grace is basically an adult now, but a little girl never stops needing her mom and dad. I know that because I still need you. And I miss you and Daddy so much.”
I watched as her eyes filled with tears.
“I try to be Super Mom. I know I can do everything on my own, that I don’t need anybody.” I said with a sniffle. “But I wanted him. You and Daddy would have loved him. You would have felt he deserved us because he did. I don’t know where we went wrong… where I went wrong. Mama, I wish you could tell me what to do.” I buried my head in my hands, my shoulders shaking as all of my heartache and shattered pieces poured from my eyes.
I wept so hard I struggled for air, choking my words out. “I don’t know how to tell Grace. How… do I tell her… that he’s gone? That he just left us.”
“Sweetheart.” I startled when I looked up to realize Mama had moved to sit beside me on the loveseat. She smoothed her hand over my hair, her eyes filled with such warmth. “Those who love us never truly leave us.”
I watched her through wide eyes as she reached for my hand, taking it in both of hers.
“The people who are meant to stay in our lives will always find their way back home.” She patted my hand. “Those that can’t, they’ll never be far. They’ll be right here.” She placed her hand over her heart. “And they’ll stay there forever.”
I stared at her in stunned silence as my mind tried to make sense of what was happening.
“I’m so sorry, dear. I’ve gone and gotten all teary-eyed.” She dabbed at the dampness that slid down her cheeks. “It just hurts my heart to see you so sad.”
“Thank you, Mama,” I managed to choke out as she squeezed my hand. We sat quietly for a moment, and for a few seconds, I felt like I had my mom back, until she lifted her hand from mine.
“You remind me of someone, but I can’t place who,” she said, a puzzled expression returning to her face. “My memory… it’s not very good these days.”
