“Liv was just trying to get Chloe to eat her dinner,” he explained as he led me through the house to the dining room where Liv sat with Chloe while Jonathan sat nearby drawing on a large sketchpad. Mama sauntered through the room and looked up at me with her accusatory yellow eyes.
“Look who’s here!” Jax’s voice was chipper as he announced my arrival to Liv.
“Hi,” Jonathan greeted me.
“Ella.” Liv took one look at my face and she knew. That, at least, brought me some comfort.
Jax had already moved to the other side of the table. “Why don’t you let me take over so you and Ella can talk?”
She nodded and stood, crossing over to me. “Let’s go talk on the deck,” she said as she curled her arm around me, steering me toward the back door. She stopped on the way to grab two wine glasses and a bottle of pinot grigio from the fridge before we stepped outside.
“I’m sorry.” I slid onto the bench of the picnic table as Liv poured the wine and sat across from me. “I should have called.”
“Hey,” Liv reached for my hand. “Since when do we have to call first?”
I rested my elbow on the table and my head in my hands. “I don’t know, Liv. I don’t know how everything got so fucked up.”
“What’s going on?” she asked.
I took a big gulp of wine. Then, I told her everything from the beginning. I started with the night of her wedding and told her about the washing machine, the day we’d been at her house, the way he’d been there for me the night we’d visited my mom, what happened after Grace and Sam’s accident, the morning he’d left, and every moment in between. By the time I’d finished she’d moved to my side of the table and placed her arm around me. I leaned my head on her shoulder, and we both cried.
“Oh, Ella.” Liv leaned her head on top of mine. “I’m so sorry. I can’t believe he left like that. That doesn’t sound like him.”
“I know.” I sniffled and took a sip of my wine. “The more I think about it, the more it doesn’t make sense. At first, I was so... angry. But now I just feel broken.”
“Why didn’t you tell me when he left?” Liv asked softly, her concerned green eyes focused on me. “I would have come right away.”
“I don’t know.” I sighed “I wanted to tell you, but I didn’t know how. Especially after I hadn’t told you we were seeing each other to start with.”
“Look, I know we didn’t get to really talk about what happened at Sunday dinner,” Liv said. “And I’m sorry I blew up like that. I shouldn’t have. All of this is just as much on me. Every time you called I had to cut the conversation short. The truth is, I guess I’m struggling with this new dynamic too. Don’t get me wrong, marrying Jax and having Jonathan and Chloe… it’s everything I ever could have wanted. But even the things we want most in the world come at a cost.”
Wasn’t that the truth? Knowing what it was like to love Cash Montgomery had certainly come with a price—the price of what it felt like to lose him.
“I don’t know how I got here, Liv,” I cried, feeling fresh tears form in my eyes. “I feel like everyone is moving on to the next phases of their lives, but I’m being left behind. Grace is grown up now as evidenced by the fact that her very sweet, British boyfriend is currently staying at our house. And she looks at him the way Craig and I looked at each other at that age.”
Liv kept her arm around me as I spoke.
“My mom’s condition is getting worse. I can’t even recall the last time she remembered me. You’ve got Jax now and a whole new family of your own that I’m not a part of. Cash doesn’t want me anymore.” My chest heaved as I wailed. “My grandmother had Alzheimer’s, and my mom has it, and I’m probably going to have it too. My mom had my dad to remind her who she was all those years, but who’s going to remind me of who I am when I’ve forgotten? I’m going to be completely and utterly alone.”
I wept with my head in my hands, my entire body shaking.
“Ella, look at me,” Liv said.
I turned toward her, and she cupped my face in her hands. “You are never going to be alone. Do you hear me? And if you do get Alzheimer's one day, you better damn well believe I’ll be there to remind you of who you are. Jax may be my husband, butyouare my person. You are the sister I never had, my very best friend. You are my family.”
I threw my arms around her, and we stayed like that for a moment. Even through my sadness, the world suddenly felt like it had been set upright again.
“I don’t know what the future looks like for you and Cash,” she said in my ear. “But our future together will always be bright.”
“When we’re old and in the nursing home, can we pull the fire alarms to get the hot firefighters to show up?” I smiled through my tears.
She laughed. “Obviously.”
We sat quietly for a moment before I spoke again. “I haven’t even told Grace yet,” I admitted. “I don’t know how. I lied and told her he had a work emergency, which was pretty fucking stupid considering she works for him. It’s only a matter of time before she figures out that I’m bluffing.”
“Grace is strong,” Liv assured me. “I think you’ve got to rip the bandaid off and be honest with her.”
“I still can’t believe he’s gone.”
