If our relationship was too much for him, I wish he’d have said so. But no matter how upset I was, I knew he’d never have purposely hurt either of us. I wasn’t blameless either. I’d been so upset that I flew off the handle without truly giving him the time to verbalize his thoughts.
Grace’s mouth was set in a hard line. “I can’t believe him.”
“I know you’re disappointed. I am too, but try not to let this one thing ruin how you see Cash. He’s been very good to you,” I said. “People make mistakes.”
I winced at my own words, at the realization that maybe that’s what I’d been to him… a mistake.
She chewed her lip, her eyes clouding over. “Are you okay?”
“I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t hurt, but I’ll be okay.” I forced a smile. I knew it was true—I would be okay. I had everything I needed, even if I still wanted Cash. “Listen, I don’t want this to affect your job or your own relationship with Cash. I know you’re hurt, and I am too, but I do know he loves you. I don’t want you worrying about whether or not you having a relationship with him will upset me because it won’t. Cash and I are adults, and we’ll be okay. The most important thing to me is thatyou’reokay.”
She seemed to contemplate this for a moment before she finally nodded. “Are you sure you’re going to be alright?”
“I’m absolutely positive,” I promised. “I don’t want you worrying about me. I’m going to be just fine. After all, I still get to come home to Bradley Cooper every day.”
The dog’s ears perked at the sound of his name.
Seemingly satisfied with my answer, she rose from the table. “I need to get out of the house today.”
“You and Sam may be feeling better, but neither of you are supposed to be driving,” I reminded her.
“I know,” she said, “but I was thinking maybe I would call Derek and see if he’d be up for grabbing lunch with us or something. Maybe we could go somewhere with a patio so we could take Bradley Cooper.”
I smiled. “I like that idea. I’m glad you like spending time with Derek. He’s pretty great, isn’t he?”
“He’s kinda like the big brother I never had.”
“Remember when you had a crush on him?”
“Ugh.” Grace grimaced and covered her face with her hand. “Don’t remind me. That’s so embarrassing.”
“I’ve got to keep you humble somehow,” I teased.
“Gee, thanks,” she said sarcastically as she picked up her coffee and leaned down to kiss my cheek. “I love you, Mom. Have a good day at work. Tell Katie I said hi.”
“I love you too, honey,” I replied. “Have fun today.”
She sauntered out of the kitchen, leaving me alone with my thoughts.
I tried to keep my mind from wandering to Cash, but all of my thoughts seemed to lead back to him. I wondered where he had gone and if he was okay. I thought about how much I missed him and how long that feeling would last.
And I wondered, wherever he was, if he’d even thought of me at all.
Thirty
Cash
I listenedto Delilah and Richard’s advice and took a moment to catch my breath. The day after our conversation, I spent a lot of time sleeping. After the turmoil I’d gone through since the accident my mind had simply shut down.
The following day, I spent some time with Richard and Delilah. We poured over photo albums, and they told me stories about Carrie, some of which I’d heard dozens of times before. They even told me a few things I didn’t know about, like how when she was little she carried rose petals that had fallen off the bush outside to her kindergarten teacher every day because she thought they were beautiful. In those hours, Carrie came alive to me. Once I let go and stopped trying to feel her, I realized she’d been there all along.
I told my in-laws more about Ella and Grace and even Bradley Cooper. It meant the world to me when they said they hoped to meet them one day.
I hoped they would too.
When I woke up the next morning, I was ready to go see Carrie. It felt like I’d been putting myself back together like a jigsaw puzzle, shades of grey fading out into beautiful, bright colors, and Carrie held the last piece.
I stopped by the florist and picked up a bouquet of pink peonies, Carrie’s favorite, and drove to the cemetery. As I turned in the parking lot, I remembered arriving the day of her funeral and the way the palls of vibrant flowers looked juxtaposed against the dreary autumn sky. She’d requested that no one wear black to her service, so everyone was dressed in shades of pink—her favorite color. Even though she was gone she still managed to light up the world around her.
