Reluctantly, she took a few more bites. “Happy?” she questioned.
“I’ll be happy when you tell me what’s really on ya mind.”Tell me,I practically begged.
Instead of saying anything else, she rolled over and tucked her hands under her face. Her back was to me, so she couldn’t see the disappointment in my eyes.
There wasn’t a damn thing I was afraid of. Except losing Bianca. She was shutting down, and it scared the hell out of me.
Aftershowering,moisturizingmyskin, brushing my teeth, and cruising through my skin routine, I dressed in a pair of gray joggers and socks, then went to the kitchen to fix myself something to eat. As my bowl of chicken soup heated, I dialed Kwamé to check on her.
“You should be sleeping,” I said when she answered the phone.
She chuckled. “Just hung up with Ari, then you called.”
“My fault. I had to make sure you settled in. How’s my niece?”
“Same as you left her. Perfect.”
“Cool. I appreciate you being here.”
“I know, I know. Now let me get some sleep before my baby wakes up.”
Snickering, I replied, “Aight. Later, baby.”
“Later, bro.”
Taking my food and drink, I went to Bianca’s room to settle in while I ate. She was fast asleep and lightly snoring. Keeping the lights low, I sat in the recliner next to her bed and prayed over my food before diving in. Even with Kwamé here, it was just me and Bianca now. I could sit by her bedside every night if I wanted to, and there was no one here to get in the way of that. It was all or nothing.
About an hour later, Bianca’s soft cries grabbed my attention from something I aimlessly watched on the television. Like always, I used my stethoscope to check her chest for any signs that fluid was present. Her lungs sounded clear. Checking the rest of her, I noticed that it was time for me to clean her up again.
Without the slightest issue, I made quick work of getting her into fresh garments. Of course, she could do it on her own, but she had me. As long as she had me there wasn’t shit she had to lift a finger and do as long as I could help it.
“Are you in pain, baby?” I asked her. Her eyes were closed, but her face was covered in tears.
“No,” she whimpered. “What did I do to deserve this?”
Heart breaking, I crawled under the blankets and brought her body close to mine, spooning her. Within the confines of my arms, I banded us together. Her soft body fit perfectly against me and reminded me that I almost lost this. I’d almost lost the opportunity to do this very thing with the woman whose heartbeat my heartbeat desired to mirror.
“You did nothing, Bee.”
I kissed her shoulder as our fingers intertwined. Kill for her, I would again. Anybody. Anytime.Thiswas what a man was supposed to feel for a woman. Not the stale-ass arrangement Imade with Katrelle. Soon, I would have to officially break shit off with Katrelle. If I couldn’t have this for the rest of my life, I didn’t want it.
The next morning, I woke up before Bianca. As she should have, she slept peacefully in my arms. Shit, I couldn’t front. I slept peacefully too. Bianca’s ass pressed up against my dick all night was something I’d dreamt about too many nights. I wanted Bianca to fall for me organically. This situation brought us together, but I hated the way that it happened.
Glancing at myself in the mirror, I ran my hand over the thick strands covering my jaw. Normally, I kept it low when in the office. My hair too. That shit was already looking like I used to wear it in college. Because I was venturing too far back in time, I splashed those thoughts away with some warm water to my face.
The last thing I wanted to think about was life before S. S. Estates. As a teen, I fought so hard against being here. However, this land healed a broken boy and turned me into a…semi-healed man. Semi-healed because a part of me wanted to reach back in time and choke the bitch-ass nigga and sorry-ass woman who created me. The same people who left me on the street corner for any muthafucka to pick up. The same niggas who left me to the streets to die.
With each year, the memories of a six-year-old lived on the inside of me, reminding me that there wasn’t much love in this world. I’d finally found mine, though. Bianca’s rejection opened wounds I hated to admit were still there. The love I had for her spoke to the level of patience I had with her. No one else could tap into the wounds I possessed without meeting certain death. With Bianca, I wanted her to see me and love me. I wanted her to realize that my love for her was unconditional. One more rejection from her, and I’d lose my shit.
Breakfast complete, I woke Bianca, then helped her to the bathroom to brush her teeth and wash her face. I started theshower for her and prepared her clothes while she bathed. Thirty minutes later, she was back in bed as I propped the food tray over her thighs.
“When you’re done, we’re going for a walk,” I told her.
“Okay,” she replied softly.
I left her to it, then went to harass Kwamé and Jessie for a minute. Stepping out onto the front porch, I inhaled a deep breath of fresh country air, then made my way to the house next door where Kwamé was staying. My eyes bounced over my land, soaking in the wealth that laid there. In the blink of an eye, I envisioned my children playing in the open field of thick green grass stretching for miles. Swiftly, my throat clogged. The desires of my heart weren’t so complicated. One way or another, I would have what I dreamed of.
CHAPTER 7
