I stilled. “With what?”
He shot me a knowing look, but said nothing more of the subject. Instead, he walked down the hall, leaving me alone and wondering what the fuck I’d gotten myself into.
Chapter10
Damien
“Hello, Damien.”
A dream. This had to have been a horrible, wicked dream that stood before me, looking as if she’d just escaped her own nightmare. But it looked so real, as if I could reach out and touch her and she would indeed be whole.
Her face was flushed, her cheeks glowing in the darkness. There was a hollow sadness in her features, and I knew why. Hated myself for that reason. Hated myself for many things. Perhaps this was only a hallucination from a fever ravaging my body.
During Renai’s last visit, a small pin had come undone from her hair. I didn’t know if this was a gift from the gods. Perhaps a reprieve from this existence, or to secure my damnation, but I didn’t care. I’d spent an hour scraping the pin against the rock floor, ensuring it was sharp as a blade. One quick jab to the neck would have me bleeding out in minutes. It would not be a quick death, and I would likely drown in my own blood.
After everything I’d done, it was no less than I deserved. But as I held the pin to my neck, whispering a silent prayer to the gods for forgiveness and understanding, something stopped me. I couldn’t go further. There was one thing I could do to assist in this war, to somehow atone for the horror I’d played a part in, which meant staying in this world just a little while longer.
If they could remove the hex placed upon my tongue, that is.
The person standing in front of me had to be an illusion because there was no way Evalyne Chevalier would come to pay me a visit.
Though it’d been only a couple weeks since I’d seen her, the emptiness inside her soul called to me. Something, I knew, I’d caused. Eva used the flame in her hand to mitigate the frigid air around us. She wore a large robe, which hung from her body as if she threw it on in haste. The raven locks I used to love so much were a mess, matching the turmoil in her gaze as she simply stared at me.
“Well?” she demanded. “Are you going to say anything?”
“This isn’t real,” I muttered, sitting up and rubbing my temples. My voice came out as a croak.
Eva snorted, rolling her eyes. “I can assure you, this is very real.” She glanced around the area, taking in the grime coating my body and the coarse beard on my face that grew thicker with each passing day. “You look pathetic.”
“I am,” I said, no reproach or anger in my tone.
She eyed me warily. “What game are you playing?”
“There is no game. I have accepted my fate, whatever it may be, and only wish to help before I meet my end.” Because make no mistake, I knew I would not survive this war. Whether I was granted the privilege of dying for my kingdom, or if I met the executioner’s axe. A future was simply a delusion, and one I had no plans of entertaining. Hope for a man like me only made the end more painful.
“You have no friends. Not here. Not in this kingdom.” Her fists clenched the bars. They groaned under her grip. “You have burned those relationships to the ground with a smile on your face, and you will never repair the damage you’ve wrought.”
“Very well,” I sighed. “Then I hope to be of some assistance to the kingdom of Helia, and those who inhabit it.”
“Do you mock me, Damien?” Though her voice held a cutting edge, there was a vulnerability to her words. One that allowed a glimpse through the stone walls surrounding the true Eva.
“You know that isn’t the case,” I said, resting my head against the wall behind me. Icy droplets fell down from the ceiling above. Shivers ran down my spine as I pulled the dirty cloak tighter around me. She noted the movement, faltering as she raised her hand slowly. From her palm, she created a small ball of fire. It floated to me on a phantom wind. I didn’t flinch, somewhat hoping to feel the burn of flame that never came. Instead, it hovered near my head and emitted a warmth that sunk into my flesh with welcome. “Fuck,” I groaned, warming my hands along the small ball.
She peered at me with curiosity, undoubtedly trying to figure out if my actions were sincere or not. I wasn’t sure what she expected to find when she came to visit. Me sitting on my ass and relishing the atrocities I’d played a part in? That I enjoyed knowing her pain and Erina’s death were on my hands? Because nothing could have been further from the truth.
“Why did you come?” I asked.
With a flick of her wrist, she lit two lanterns to illuminate the small space. Eva cocked her head. “Why do you think?”
“I believe you’d like to kill me,” I said, shrugging. In fact, I knew she wanted to kill me. She’d said as much when I’d regained control of my body. I couldn’t forget the vicious way she looked at me, her hateful gaze flashing every time I closed my eyes.
She chewed on her lip. I knew her well enough to know she was overthinking. Her long hair fell over her shoulder as she glanced at me from under long lashes. “And if I said yes?”
“Well, then I’d tell you I deserve it. But—” I said, meeting her burning gaze. There was no reproach there, only blatant curiosity. “I only ask that you wait until they can free the knowledge from my mind. I don’t know if what is hidden would be worth anything, but I would hope this hasn’t been for nothing. That maybe it could help turn the tide of this war and benefit Aethion. After that…” I blew out a breath. “After that, you can do whatever you wish with me. If you wish for my death, then so be it. The gods know I deserve it.”
Silence hung heavily between us as the weight of my words struck her. I wasn’t afraid to die. As a soldier, it was what I’d been trained to do. It was considered an honor amongst some to die young, especially in the name of one’s kingdom. But I was afraid of dying before I made amends. There would be no peace for me after I took my last breath, but I didn’t want the weight of my actions on my soul for the rest of eternity. That was the only mercy I begged for.
“I don’t know why I’m here,” she whispered, so low I almost missed it. “I was just—” she paused abruptly, looking at me as if she was unsure. She was going to say something about Matthew. I wasn’t sure how I knew, but some part of me had always known her better than I knew myself. If it would have been possible, I would’ve thrown up right then and there. Though I knew now how ill-fitted we were, my feelings toward her had not simply vanished. They were still here, lingering.
